If You Could Go Back in Time...

If I could go back in time, I would beg you to stay. I would tell you how much a daughter needs her mother at her side. I would sit down and tell you about my day, and then listen to yours. I would give you a reason to be a mother again.

If I could go back in time, I would tell you how much it hurt when you chose him over us on Christmas Day last year. I would tell you to chose family over sex, instead of hiding out in my room.

If I could go back in time, I would have tried three times harder to be the best kid I would. I would never ask to hang out with friends if you were. I would never be late. I would do all my chores, and then some, if I could go back in time.

If I could go back in time, I would have never yelled at you. Instead I would try to talk and tell you that every time you left, a little bit of my heart broke. I would tell you that I cry myself to sleep when your not home. I would tell you that it was like you died. I would tell you that even when you are home you either watch tv and cry about nothing, or be on the phone with him, and that I would rather have you gone.

If I could go back in time, I would tell your boyfriend, that I need my mother. I would tell him how he's just using her for his own selfish reasons. I would tell him that it was all his fault the kids at my brothers school pick on him for having a deadbeat mom.

If I could go back in time, I would take the bottle out of your hand. I would flush down all your cigarettes and all your pot. I would hold your hand as I told you how you were on your way of losing your whole family. I would make you see that you weren't a teenager anymore.

If I could go back in time, I would drive you to work myself, so you wouldn't ditch anymore. I would even help you look for a better job, and help you get ready for the interviews.

If I could go back in time, My life wouldn't have crumbled underneath my feet.

I can't go back to time. The state won't let you see me anymore. I don't want to see you though. I still cry myself to sleep even at the thought of you. My brother, your only son, still gets teased at school for having no mother to drop him off in the morning. My childhood, my last years of it, have been destroyed because you couldn't be a mother, so I had to play 'Mommy.'

If I could go back in time, I would change everything.