Tumors And Hearts

Xx-nikki-xX

“You can breathe today.
So many lies swirling,
All around you,
You’re soffocating,
The empty shape in you,
Steals your breath,
You’re suffocating.”

The next morning I was listening to Breathe Today by Flyleaf as I turned off the hot water and stepped out of the shower.

I stepped in front of the mirror and looked at my naked body in disgust. It amazed me that a brain tumor could do all this damage to the human body.

The scale was sitting in the corner by the door. I stepped on it and my heart sank when it read that I was now down to 104 – I had dropped another two pounds in the past six days. I hadn’t been this small in years.

I sighed heavily before putting on my clothes. I slipped on a dark green shirt with a picture of old-fashion headphones and a cassette player on it and my black and green tripp pants I had bought about a month ago. Both pieces of clothing used to fit me perfectly, but now fit very loose. I took one last look in the mirror before heading out to my room.

Ashley was sitting on my bed when I came out of the bathroom. She was hugging my teddy bear to her chest.

“Shannon gave that to me.” I said pointing to the bear. “He used to sleep with it when he was younger. It still smells like him.”

Ashley quickly dropped the teddy bear and scooted it away from her.

“So do you and Shannon have any plans for today?” she asked.

I picked out some bright pink socks and sat down on the edge of my bed. “Not yet.” I said pulling them on. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” she said.

I grabbed my brush and quickly brushed out my wet hair. There was a lot of hair on the brush when I was done. I picked it off and went in the bathroom to throw it away. Ashley was watching me the whole time with a sad look on her face – she knew how upset I was about losing my hair.

So I didn’t have to look at her, I turned to the desk on in the corner of my room with my laptop and turned off the music. The pictures hanging on the wall behind it caught my attention. I could feel my eyes start to water as I stared at each picture in turn.

“You know Shannon has to be Ashley Approved, right?” Ashley asked with a smile.

I blinked my eyes a few times to rid myself of the tears and turned to face her. I walked over to my bed and plopped down on it. I scooted across it until my back was against the wall.

“What do you have in mind?” I asked grabbing Shannon’s old teddy bear and hugging it to my chest.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Anything really.” she said. “How about bowling?”

“I’ll talk to Shannon about it.” I said as Ocito jumped up on my bed. “He shouldn’t have a problem with it. I think he likes bowling.”

We played with Ocito and talked some more. I waited until noon before going to wake up Shannon.

I went out to the living room area and sat down on the edge of the couch, where Shannon was still sound asleep. I grabbed his shoulder and gently shook him. “Shannon, wake up.” I said in as gentle of a voice as I could manage.

Shannon’s eyes slowly opened and I looked into his tired green eyes.

“Morning sleepy head.” I said smiling.

“Morning.” he said in a sleepy voice. “What time is it?”

“About noon.”

“How long have you been up?”

“Since seven.”

“Oh shit.” he said trying not to yawn. “You could’ve woke me up.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “You needed sleep.”

He sat up and stretched. “What do you wanna do today?” he asked.

Ashley came out of my room with Ocito following after her.

“Morning Ashley.” Shannon said.

“Morning Shannon.” she said before heading into her room.

“How do you feel about bowling?” I asked him when he turned to look at me again.

x-later-x

At about 9:30 that night Ashley, Shannon, and I headed out to Lucky Strike Lanes to go bowling.

“So are you any good at bowling, Shannon?” Ashley asked as we pulled into the parking lot of the bowling alley.

“Um… I think I’m okay.” he said. “I mean, bowling’s not really my game – I shoot people.”

Shannon and I laughed at the look on Ashley’s face and I made a mental note to show her the “Sharpshooters” Hardy Show episode later.

I pulled the car into an open spot and we all got out. Ashley linked arms with me and I linked arms with Shannon and the three of us headed into the bowling alley together.

After paying and grabbing our disgusting rental shoes we went our separate ways to find a ball. I found my own orange ball and ran into Shannon on my way to our lane.

I set down my ball and crept up behind him. He had been bending over to look at the balls but stood up straight when I covered his eyes. He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from his eyes. He kissed both my hands before turning around to face me.

“Find your ball yet?” I asked smiling.

“Yup.” he said bending down to grab a ball. “In fact, I found both of ‘em.” He straightened up again holding two bright blue balls. “I got me some blue balls.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up my own ball. Shannon set one of the balls back down and we headed over to the lane Ashley was already waiting at.

I suddenly felt something hit my butt and looked over at Shannon. He was purposely looking in the opposite direction.

“Dearest Shannon,” I said. “Did you just kick me in the butt?”

“Nikki, how could you think something like that?” he said feigning shock. “I would never kick you in the butt… I would hit you with my ball though.” He hit my butt with his ball again as if to prove his point.

“Oh, how silly of me.” I said.

We reached the lane and I lightly hit him in the butt with my own ball.

“Children behave!” Ashley said.

I stuck my tongue out at her as she turned around to put the names in the automatic score-keeper.

“Try not to kick my ass too much, okay?” he whispered to me.

“Shannon, you’re up first.” Ashley said turning around to face us when she was done.

“We’ll try.” I said as he stepped up to bowl.

Ashley and I were both on our school’s bowling team when we were in high school. We had both been on varsity, but that wasn’t really saying much. The girls’ team had rarely won a match when we were on the team – we were all more into having fun than winning.

“Is he worried we’ll beat him?” Ashley asked as we watched him throw the ball down the lane and only hit one pin.

“Only a lot.” I said as he turned around to face us, red in the face.

“Should we tell him how we bowl?”

“Nah.” I said as his ball came out of the ball return-thing. “He can just see for himself.”

We watched as Shannon threw his second ball and got two more pins. He turned around and I could see the disappointment he was trying to hide on his face.

“Relax Shannon.” I said as he plopped down in one of the chairs.

“I just wanna do as well as you guys.” he said with a heavy sigh.

“Don’t try so hard.” I said rubbing his shoulders. “Watch Ashley and you’ll see what I mean.”

We both turned to watch Ashley as she grabbed her lime green ball and stood in her usual spot. I laughed as she started skipping down the lane. She got to the foul line and threw the ball, succeeding in knocking down four pins.

“Are you fucking serious?” Shannon said turning to look at me.

“What?”

“You mean I was nervous for nothing?!” I nodded and he smacked himself in the head. “You’re killing me woman!”

“Sorry.” I said with a smile.

Ashley came back after throwing her second ball and I went up to take my turn. I waddled up to the foul line like a penguin and tossed the ball. It rolled ever so slowly down the lane and finally knocked down six pins. I did the same thing for my second ball and managed to get another pin.

Shannon winked at me as he went up to take his turn. He grabbed his ball and turned around to face us. I gave him a confused look but it quickly turned into a smile as he walked up to the foul line backwards and threw the ball behind his back. He turned around and the three of us watched the ball knock over all the pins.

“Strike!” he exclaimed coming back over to us.

The next few frames were filled with retarded model walks, ballerina spins, Fred Flintstone runs, and a bunch of other not-serious bowling techniques.

Ashley was up to bowl in the ninth frame. Shannon was standing at the foul line with his legs spread wide.

“Ready Shannon?” Ashley asked as she took her usual spot on the dotted lines.

I laughed as he quickly covered himself. “Ready!” he said.

Ashley went up and stopped a few steps in front of Shannon as she threw the ball. It went between his legs and down the lane, knocking over eight pins.

Ashley and Shannon waited for her ball to come back and took their places again.

“Wait!” I called as Ashley was about to throw the ball. “I wanna be a part of this!”

I ran past her and got in front of Shannon, getting in the same stance he was standing in.

“Please don’t hurt us.” I said as she took her spot.

“Don’t worry.” she said. “You’ll be fine.”

Ashley took four steps and stopped in front of me before throwing the ball and sending it between my legs and then Shannon’s before going down the lane and earning her a spare.

I high-fived Ashley and Shannon and grabbed my ball to take my turn. I stood there for a few minutes trying to think of something to do when Ashley shouted, “POTTY SHOTS!”

“What are potty shots?” I heard Shannon asked.

I smiled and walked up to the foul line. I spread my legs, crouched down, and used both hands to toss the ball down the lane. Having perfected the potty shot back in high school I was able to get a strike.

“Last frame.” I said plopping down on Ashley’s lap.

“Make it good Moore!” Ashley said as he stepped up to bowl.

“I’ll try.” we failed to see him adjust his pants as he spoke.

He took four steps and threw the ball down the lane. We didn’t even see how many pins he knocked down because we were laughing so hard. When he threw the ball he bent over and his butt was hanging out.

“Did I make it good enough Ashley?” he asked.

“Maybe good for Nikki.” she said between fits of laughter. “I do not need to see my best friend’s boyfriend’s ass.”

“My ass is sexy and you know it!” he said before going up to throw his second ball.

Shannon managed to knock over three pins and pick up the spare with the same “plumber” technique. He pulled up his pants as he came back over to us.

“You get another ball since you got a spare, dear.” I said looking at the screen.

“I knew that.” Shannon said adjusting his pants again.

He threw his last ball and Ashley and I saw his butt for the third time that night.

Ashley stood up as Shannon came over to us again.

“Never again, Moore, do I want to see your pale ass.” she said before going up to bowl.

“It’s not that pale… is it?” he asked me.

“Maybe a little.” I said trying not to laugh.

Shannon plopped down on my lap and I wrapped my arms around his middle. Before the tumor I could’ve handled his weight. Now after dropping a lot of weight I was just hoping Ashley would hurry up and take her turn.

She did her own potty shot, earning her a strike. She did the same for her last two balls, and got another six pins.

“Nikki’s turn!” Ashley said skipping back to us. “Make it good! And I don’t mean show us your ass!”

I laughed. Shannon finally got off my lap and I stood up and went to take my last turn. I walked up to the foul line and turned around to face Shannon and Ashley. I spread my legs and rolled the ball between them. I bent down and looked through my legs to watch the ball slowly roll down the lane. I got nine pins, knocking down all but the five-pin.

“I call it!” I heard Ashley yell.

“Call what?” Shannon asked as I stood up straight and walked back to them.

“The five-pin.” I said. Shannon gave me a questioning look. “It’s also called the sex-pin.”

“Um…what?” he asked.

“You better hope she doesn’t pick up the spare.” Ashley said. “Or I’ll be the one getting in her pants tonight.”

“Nicolette, don’t you dare pick up that spare.” Shannon said.

I laughed before going up to throw my second ball. I swear I missed that pin by a millimeter.

“You’re lucky Moore.” Ashley said.

I looked at the scores as I sat down to take off my bowling shoes. Shannon had an 89, Ashley had a 102, and I had a 93.

x-later-x

We got back to our apartment an hour later, having decided to play a round of lazer tag after we were done bowling. Shannon and I plopped down on the couch, while Ashley disappeared into her room.

I stole Shannon’s hat as we talked and placed it on my own head.

“You’re lucky you look so good in my hat.” he said smiling.

“You think I look good in everything.” I said smiling back.

Ashley suddenly came out of her room and slapped a piece of duck tape on Shannon’s now bare forehead. It read “Ashley Approved” in red sharpie.

Giving her a confused look, Shannon pealed it off and looked at it. He gave a goofy smile and slapped it back on his forehead, making us laugh.

“Well,” Ashley said yawning. “I think I’ll leave the two of you alone. I’m tired as hell.”

I watched as she skipped to her room and shut the door behind her. I turned my attention back to my boyfriend as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I brought my own arms up around his neck as he lightly kissed me.

I pulled away when my phone started going off.

i hope u kno why i left u guys alone

...cuz were one of those disgustingly cute couples?

i left u alone so u could tell him

I sighed in frustration and tried to nonchalantly turn away from Shannon as he tried to peak at the screen.

ashleeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy

nikkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I set my phone down on the coffee table, deciding to ignore Ashley’s texts.

Shannon wrapped his arms around my middle again as I climbed into his lap. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. I flipped it to Comedy Central and we watched Gabriel Iglesias: Hot and Fluffy. My eyelids started to close against my will.

Xx-shannon-xX

Nikki was asleep in no time once we settled down.

I grabbed the remote and switched off the TV. I set it back down on the coffee table and noticed Nikki’s phone. I had been wondering who she had been talking to lately that had been making her so frustrated. I contemplated looking through her texts, but decided not to. It was her own business.

Trying not to wake Nikki up, I slowly and carefully stood up with her in my arms. I carried her to her room and gently set her down on her bed. I took her shoes off and covered her with her black and red blanket.

After a few minutes, I caught myself watching her sleep – something I always seem to do. I couldn’t help it; she looked so peaceful when she slept. I sat down on the edge of her bed next to her sleeping body. I leaned down and moved her bangs so I could kiss her on the forehead.

I stood up and started heading for the door. I had just turned off the light and cracked the door open when I heard her speak.

“Shannon?” she said sleepily.

“I’m here.” I said turning to look at her as she sat up in bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Back to the couch.” I said. “I’m kinda tired too.”

She still sounded sleepy. “Oh.” she said. “Why don’t we share my bed?”

“I’m fine with the couch.”

“Yeah, but I know how uncomfy it can be.” she said. “It’s murder on the back.”

I didn’t want to let her know how much I agreed with her.

“Please?” she said. I could tell she was giving me her sad face in the dark.

“Okay.” I said after a few minutes of pretend-contemplation.

I shut the door and went back over to her bed. I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed with her. I pulled the warm blanket over both of us and kissed her good night. I stroked her long, soft hair until her breathing evened out and I could tell she was asleep again.