Somehow Saving You

I sat nervously in Brian’s car, staring at the huge arena. After an hour of freaking out and frantic yelling I ended up being tricked into ‘confidently’ going on tour. I was literally seconds away from shitting, I dunno, a brick.

“C’mon Cat.” I looked up a little shocked. I had managed to forget Brian was still in the car. I nodded, slowly unbuckling my seatbelt, trying to save as much precious time. Brian sighed, grabbing my face and making me look at him. “Calm down. You’ll do fine.”

He pecked my lips and I sighed again. “What if I don’t do fine? What if I mess up?”

“You know what, I remember a certain eleven year old that always told all of us to never be afraid. When you get scared you have you be a badass and beat whatever’s scaring you.” I chuckled, thinking of the memory.

I was only eleven, as Brian mentioned. The majority of the guys were eighteen, maybe nineteen by then. Brian hadn’t been in the band long and Johnny wasn’t around yet. They had some asshole I honestly can’t remember the name of. Back then the guys just thought of me as ‘Jimmy’s younger sister’. I listened to their music and told them if I liked it or not. I don’t think they cared what I said though, ‘I was just a kid’.

I had actually been just playing with some of Brian’s old action figures as the guys were in the basement practicing. Jimmy and I had to live at Brian’s for a little while since our mom had kicked Jimmy out and I refused to leave him. I heard the familiar sound of a profanity and the sound of something hitting a wall, probably one of Jimmy’s drumsticks. I huffed, standing to my feet and storming to the basement door.

I yanked it open and stomped down the stairs. My Converse clad feet didn’t make me sound very intimidating. When I got to the bottom the five guys just looked up kind of annoyed. Brian snapped, “What do you want Cat?”

“You guys are pissing me off! What the fuck is the matter with you guys?” I demanded, my hands on my hips.

“Don’t cuss Catherine,” Jimmy scowled. I rolled my eyes.

“Stop the father role stuff for a little bit. What the hell is wrong with you all?”

“You’re a kid, you wouldn’t get it,” Zacky muttered. I crossed my arms over my chest with a glare.

“Then explain it to me. I’m not a mental handicap kid.” They all stared at me before sighing. I grinned. My stubborn, childhood charm always worked on them. Suckers. “Now what do I ‘not understand’?”

“We have the make or break concert coming up in a week and something or other is making us suck. It’s too much to attempt. It’s obvious we can’t do this,” Matt replied, his hands over his face.

“You’re fucking shitting me, right?” Everyone looked at me with wide eyes. I rolled my own. “You guys are letting your stupidity kick your ass and dig you a grave.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” The bassist demanded.

“Haven’t you heard that you aren’t suppose to be afraid of anything as an adult? You all look like the bad guys on movies anyways. You know whatcya gotta do? You hafta be badass and scare what’s scarin’ you. You could probably beat it up!” They all stared at me oddly before they broke out laughing. “What?!”

I glared harder and crossed my arms over my chest. Brian laughed, scooping me up into his arms and ruffling my hair as he said, “Thanks squirt.”

“Don’t call me squirt!” I whined. “And why are you guys laughing at me? I thought that’s what you guys needed to hear.”

“It is baby girl,” Jimmy assured as he took me from Brian’s arms. “Right guys?”

Everyone I knew the name of nodded with a smile. I grinned back, pleased with myself. “So you’re gunna kick this thing’s ass?”

“As long as you stop cussing,” Zacky agreed, causing everyone to laugh and me to pout.

“What was that bassist’s name anyways?” I asked randomly. Brian adapted a thoughtful look before shrugging.

“Not that important I guess.” Soon Brian and I were out of his car. He held my hand as he led me around back. We stopped outside a door that read ‘Authorized Personal Only’. Just the door we need. He knocked on it and we waited a minute before it was opened by a muscular guy with ‘security’ across his black shirt.

“Brian and Cat, right?” We nodded. He jutted his head, motioning for us to come in. It was eight, twenty minutes before the show began, and you could already hear the crowd of kids chanting ‘sevenfold, sevenfold’. So much for my nerves being calmed.

“Don’t start again Cat,” Brian whispered as we walked to the dressing room. I inhaled through my nose and breathed out of mouth. When we got to the room I was immediately brought into a hug by the whole group. Including Jason and Matt Berry.

“This is it guys. We’re going to be here without him,” Matt S. whispered. We all simultaneously dropped our heads out of respect. Soon everyone was rushing get their stuff ready as I sat, unsure of what to do. I was patting the drumsticks I held on the sides of my shins. I bit my lip out of nervousness as my ears seemed to zone in on the people chanting outside.

“Cat!” I looked up to see Brian pausing in the doorway. Everyone else was not in the room anymore. “C’mon, it’s show time.”

I gulped before following him out the door. We paused on the side stage where everyone else stood. A huge curtain blocked out the crowd so they couldn’t see us yet. We formed a circle, arms draped across each other’s shoulders.

“Let’s take this second to know Jimmy is with us in spirit. He’s going to help us rock these people’s brains out,” Johnny piped up courageously. We all nodded. Then we broke apart, taking our spots. The lights came alive behind us, broadcasting our shadows on the curtain and causing the crowd to scream. Ready or not…

- Time Lapse -

We came off of stage, panting and grins adoring our faces. We’d done it. We had kicked ass. We were talking happily as we walked back to the dressing room. We wanted no press hounding us, no fans (as much as the guys loved them), and no outside forces. It was our times. Us as family. We sat on the couch, talking about random highlights of the night. The crowd had taken accustom to me easier than I thought.

“That was amazing!” I exclaimed, leaning into Brian.

“It only gets better every night,” Matt remarked as he wiped his face of sweat with a towel.

“Baby girl.” I looked up quickly to see Jimmy standing in front of the door. He moved his hand backwards to click the lock in place, causing everyone in the room to jump.

“What was that?” Johnny asked curiously. No one replied.

“Baby girl, it’s time.” My eyes automatically teared up.

“N-no! It’s not Jimmy! You can’t leave me like this!” I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and practically knocking him over with so much force. I heard everyone gasp. Looking up I saw Jimmy was now solid, not somewhat transparent like he usually was around the guys.

“Jimmy?” Brian asked, stuttering.

“You can’t leave me again!” I sobbed. I ignored the shocked faces of my brothers. I ignored the fact that everyone could see him. I ignored the fact I was amazed. All I knew what that my brother was about to leave. Permanently.

“Baby girl, you’re fine. You can do this on your own. And besides, you’re not. Your have these guys, and Mom, and Dad, and Papa Gates, and the girls. Everyone.” I sniffled.

“I know, but-”

“No buts. Guys, get over here.” That snapped everyone out of their trance. Everyone scrambled to their feet and attached themselves to Jimmy and I.

“How are you here Jimbo?” Zacky asked, tears cracking his voice.

“It doesn’t matter. Guys, I need you to look after each other. Especially look after Cat. I love you all. I have to go.”

“No!” But it was too late. Jimmy had disappeared. I let out a sob as everyone hugged tighter.