This Is a Reason for Broken Wings

About fifteen minutes later I was already back at the house and ready to go. At the moment I could really do with some more of my Trainwreck but seeing as how Syn and Zacky had went through my stuff and found my stash, all I had to calm myself were my cigarettes.

I grabbed my pack and lighter, heading out to the backyard where Jimmy, Johnny, Syn, and Alyssa were. I laughed slightly as I walked across the patio, watching Jimmy and Syn pick on Johnny. I saw Alyssa sitting there on the edge of the pool, letting her feet soak in the nice cool water so I decided to join her.

"Hey, hey." She grinned as I took a seat next to her. "All ready for your date?"

"What? How did you hear about that?" I blushed.

"So it is a date?"

"What? No." I mumbled, wishing that my face would go back to its normal color. "We're just going to talk."

"Mhmm."

"Serio-"

"Lauren." Johnny said, pointing from the pool. "Your date's here."

I sighed loudly, rolling my eyes slightly at the idea of a date; I don't fucking go on dates. Going on dates is for sappy people who look to love as if it's some sort of savior.
I turned around and looked towards the back door, spotting Matt talking to my brother.

"Well...I guess I'd better get going then." I said, seeing Matt and Zacky turn to look at me.

"Okay love." Alyssa said as I stood up. "Have fun on your-"

"It's not a date."

"I was gonna say on your trip but I guess a guilty conscious got in the way of that." She smirked.

"Whatever." I mumbled, lowering my sunglasses over my eyes as I made my way back towards the house.

"Hey." I said, pulling out a cigarette and placed it in between my lips.

Zacky shot me an annoyed look, probably still pouting about the fact that I took off in his car, while Matt just sort of nodded in my direction.

"So...Are you ready?" Matt asked quietly, his eyes following my movements as I found my lighter and put it up to my cigarette. I flicked it on and inhaled some, just enough to get my caner stick going, and shut it off, blowing out a cloud of smoke in the process.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

I looked up at Matt, finding him watching me with his amazing eyes. Our eyes locked for a couple of seconds before he turned away, looking towards the rest of the guys. As I watched his eyes drifting here and there, biting his lip slightly, it occurred to me that he was just as nervous as I was.

I took the time to study his face, letting my eyes wander from his eyes to his clean shaven cheeks, and continued on across his lips, lingering for a few seconds on the scar on the upper right corner of his mouth. I had completely forgotten that Zacky was standing there as well and I probably wouldn't have remembered for a while, hadn't he cleared his throat to bring me out of my trance.

"Um..." I said, feeling the blood flush through my cheeks, no doubt turning it a light pink color. "We'd better get going then, eh?"

I took another drag of my cigarette as I watched him and Zacky done one of those ridiculous manly hugs/handshakes.

"Alright Lauren." Zacky said, pausing to wave off the smoke I had just exhaled from my lungs. "Please, try not to snap on him, okay?" He whispered, reaching over to take what was left of my cigarette from my mouth.

"Yeah...I'm not promising anything." I mumbled, walking past him and followed Matt through the house.

We had already settled in the car and were driving for about ten minutes in the complete silence when he finally spoke up.

"Um...How 'bout some music?" He mumbled, sounding more like he was talking to himself than me.

I watched him as he reached over and fumbled with his stereo, jumping slightly as the music started blast in my ears.

"Oh, sorry." He blushed, turning the volume down and changed the CD. "So what music do you prefer?"

"I like more of the older rock...Foreigner, Def Leppard, Journey, Led Zepplin, AC/DC, eh, stuff like that."

"How about more of the new stuff? I mean, like do you like to listen to us?"

"Actually, I've never really listened to you guys."

"Hmm..."

"I don't know...I like Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, Atreyu-"

"Atreyu?" He asked, frowning slightly. "You listen to Atreyu and not your own brother's band?"

"Why? You guys got beef with them or something?"

"I don't know." He mumbled. "We used to be good friends with the guys but...times change."

"Oh."

We continued on, listening to the sounds of Journey's 'Separate Ways' coming softly out of the speakers.

"So..." I said, feeling myself sink back into the uneasiness. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know...Are you hungry, do you want to go get some dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry. We could go later though...I-If you want."

"Alright...umm...How 'bout the beach?" He asked, eyeing the top of my swim suit sticking out of my shirt.

"Sure."

About five minutes later we were walking from his parked car to a spot along the sandy beach.

"Is this place fine?" He asked softly, coming to a stop about twenty feet away from where the waves were crashing into the shore.

"Yeah, this is fine." I said.

I made a move to sit down but stopped to do a double take when I saw Matt stripping off his shirt. I was so busy running my eyes over his 'rippling pectorals' [**ME** Haha, I got that off of the cartoon movie Hercules...That movie fucking owns!] and fit abs that I didn't even notice what he was saying.

"W-what?" I stuttered, tearing my eyes away from his...er...attractive body.

"I said you could sit down on this,' He said, motioning to his shirt that he had laid on the ground, "so you don't get your pants all dirty."

"Oh, but aren't you-"

"I got an extra one in the car." He mumbled, sitting down. "So...Come on." He said, patting his shirt beside him, indicating for me to take a seat.

I sighed as I took a seat and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly as I tried to keep my eyes from wandering back to Matt's toned body.

"So...I'm guessing you brought me out here so we could get to know each other." I said, trying to break the ice between us.

"Well...Yeah."

"I told you Matt, I'm-"

"Complicated. Yes, I know this. I also know that one of the reasons you act like you do is because you're scared."

I frowned slightly.

"Zacky told you about our conversation?" I asked, starting to feel my anger towards my brother boil up inside of me; he had no right to go off and tell Matt about my problems.

"Not all of it. In fact...That was the only part me mentioned."

I nodded my head looking out into the horizon.

"Can I ask how come you're afraid of opening up to people?"

I remained silent, taking a chance to look over at him. It surprised me somewhat when I saw the gentleness in his expression. He no longer had the hard ass persona about him, and there was no longer the emptiness in his stare.

Instead there was kindness in his gaze, warmth in his eyes, and concern in his character. What with the absence of the arrogant front man cockiness, he was a completely different Matt altogether. And I have to admit, I liked this version of him a whole lot better.

"I...I just..." I sighed. "I hate the idea of opening up and getting attached because...You know that nothing will last in this life. I hate saying goodbye and I hate the thought of giving your heart to someone else."

"I-"

"I never understood how one could just willingly hand all their love, and feelings, and emotions over to a complete stranger. How do they know that that person won't trash them, put them through a blender, and throw it back in their face? How can they be so sure to trust them and, and..." I trailed off, feeling slightly embarrassed with my sudden 'outflow' of thoughts. "And how do they cope with the idea that one day the one that not only would keep their heart safe, but offer theirs in return, won't always be there for them?"

Matt opened his mouth to respond but paused, looking as if he were thinking his answer out before he actually said it out loud.

"Well...I don't think there is a set way to deal with it...But they just have to make due with the time they have with them. They don't think about the time that they have to depart with their loved ones...They take each day as it comes and laugh, and have fun, and let their feelings show while they're still here." He said hesitantly.

"You can't go your whole life being scare and alone, Lauren; you can only make it so long without someone to share you life, your hopes, and your dreams with. I know firsthand that it's not possible." He added quietly, picking at some random rocks mixed in with the sand.

"And as for giving your heart away...You don't know that they're not going to totally annihilate it and blast it into the next dimension. But you have to take that chance; sometimes you're left hanging and sometimes they catch you on the way down."

I remained silent soaking in all his words as my fingers traced absent mindedly over the scar on my knee.

"How do you get the strength to stand back up after you're left to fall flat on your ass?" I asked. "Aren't you scared of being left broken hearted all over again?"

"At first...yeah...You will be scared. But then you realize that when you do find that special person in your life...It's going to make all the hurt, and tears, and heart ache worth while."

"Have you found that person yet?"

"I..." He trailed off, frowning slightly to himself as the warmth from his eyes vanished for a split second. "I thought I did once...But I crashed and burned." He mumbled.

"Oh...that...er...sucks." I said, feeling like an idiot because I didn't know what else to say.

"Ha. Thanks for your condolences." He said softly, putting on a smile.

I returned an awkward smile and turned my gaze back towards the ocean. In an odd way I felt better for getting all my thoughts and troubles out in the open; odd because I had just spilled them all out to someone I had just met a few day ago. I mean, it was so hard to just let everything out to my brother, whom I've known all my life, but here I was, telling Matt.

But there was something about Matt, this 'newer' Matt anyway, that made me want to tell him about my problems. I found this very strange indeed because I've spent nearly five years of my life wanting to keep my problems to myself.

"So...um...Is it safe to assume that you're so crude because you don't want anybody to get attached to you? And that's why you shut people out like you do?"

"Yeah...It is. All because I'm scared to get attached and scared of being heart broken. That's a reason for a lot of the things I do...Because I don't open up to people I keep everything inside. One way to let all these problems escape is by drinking or doing drugs or..." I trailed off, looking down at my arms.

"Having sex?" He asked, with a smile.

"Well...everyone likes to have sex...Its fun." I grinned.

I felt enlightened by the fact that I now had someone who understood my strange ways somewhat; I felt enlightened just by the fact that someone actually cared enough to find out what my deal was.

Matt's POV
Talking to Lauren, I now understood what it was that made Zacky refuse to give up on her. I knew that it was care, and affection, and love that was hidden behind the venom underneath her skin. But the problem that she didn't realize it was there.

"You know, you're a first." She said, turning her smile into a smirk that looked almost identical to her brother's.

"For what?" I asked, cocking my head to the side a bit.

"You're the first, beside my brother, who really tried to understand me...And I really appreciate that." She said, letting nothing but complete honestly sink into her words. "So...Thank you."

I stared at Lauren for a couple of seconds, wondering whether or not I had heard her right. I let my eyes wander over her flawless facial features, its softened expression showing complete sincerity. I felt a sense of embarrassment wash over me, unsure as to what to say to her.

"No problem kiddo." Were the first words to come to my mind, therefore they were the first to leave my mouth.

I wanted to die as I watched Lauren cock her head to the side a bit, giving me a weird look.

"Kiddo?" She asked, letting a grin spread across her face.

"Err...yeah." I blushed.

"Nice." She laughed, the sound making me smile some as it reached my ears. "I hope that doesn't stick with me now."

I continued to hold my smile as I watched Lauren even after she turned her eyes back towards the waters. There was something about her that seemed so similar to someone else I knew, someone I couldn't exactly place just then. She just seemed so familiar to me, but I just couldn't quite get a handle as to why this was.
End of Matt's POV