This Is a Reason for Broken Wings

We were officially halfway through the Warped Tour and somewhere in Arizona. I didn't exactly know where but here we were. The guys had done their set earlier in the day and we decided to pack up the merch table early as well.

I was hanging out on the bus with the girls and Papa Gates while the guys were out getting some dinner. We didn't know what the hell they were getting and I think we were all a bit scared as to what they'd be bringing back with them.

We were in the middle of a game of Scategories, yes, one of our favorites, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in if you're a whore!" Amber laughed, thinking that it was one of the guys.

The door soon opened and instead of the guys loud asses coming up the steps a single pair of footsteps echoed upon the metal stairs.

"Well, what do ya know." Amber said coldly, her smile soon disappearing from her face when Val appeared at the top of the steps.

"Er, hi guys." She said, taking a quick glance around the room before she made her way over towards me.

"Hi Val." I said softly as she leaned over to give me a hug.

"Hey hun, how are you?" She asked quietly, squeezing me a bit tighter than she normally would.

"I'm good." I replied as she took a seat on the other side of me. "How are you?"

"I'm ... fine." She said, flashing me a smile that I knew for damn sure was forced.

"Are you sure?" I asked gently.

"Mhmm."

We soon got back into our game as Val sat quietly, suggesting to me an answer every once in a while when I was stuck on a category. Before long we finished up our game and Alyssa ended up winning, again. I swear the girls never lost a game.

I got up and stretched, walking across the room to the mini fridge to grab a beer.

"You want one?" I asked Val, who shook her head, making a face. "Oh, I forgot you don't like beer." I laughed busting mine open.

"Where's the guys at?" Val asked.

"Why?" Amber questioned, eyeing Val with great dislike.

"I was just wondering where they were." Val said quietly, clearly scared of Amber; eh, I may have forgot to mention that Amber beat the shit out of Val once or twice when everybody first found out about her and Alex.

"Hmm, sure you were."

"Well, if you really have to know I needed to talk to Matt."

We all sort of stopped and stared at her.

"Val?" Lissa asked slowly. "Where's your ring at?"

You could practically hear five pairs of eyes swiftly focusing on Val's ringer finger that was missing, well, a ring.

"Me and Alex broke up." She said quietly, her eyes starting to gloss over.

"What? Sweetie why?" I asked gently, going over to rub her back for comfort.

She shook her head as a couple tears fell.

"I ... That's why I have to talk to Matt ... Because I'm still in love with him."

Her words hit me hard because I now knew that any chance I had with Matt was completely annihilated.

"Wh-"

"What did you say?"

What was left of my breath got caught up in my throat as I looked to find Matt standing at the top of the stairs, holding a stack of restaurant take home boxes in front of him, staring intently at Val. I knew for damn sure he clearly heard what she said.

"I-I'm still in love with you." Val whispered, turning her glance to the floor.

Matt didn't say anything but set the boxes down on the countertop, turning on his heal to push past the guys who had came to a stop behind him on the stairs and took off. Where he was heading, I had no idea, nor did I think anybody else did either.

Val looked around the room, before standing up and taking off as well, heading in the complete opposite direction Matt did.

The silence that settled upon the bus was unnerving.

"Well." I said slowly. "That was ... weird."

"Tell me about it." Alyssa mumbled as the guys finished walking up the stairs.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap." I said, turning around.

Although I wasn't even close to tired I still wanted to go lie down and be by myself.

The pain I was feeling just then was unlike any pain I've ever felt before. It wasn't a physical ache or anything, but it was as if my very heart had been stabbed with a red, hot fire poker.

"But, what about your dinner?" Johnny called after me.

"Eh, stick it in the microwave, I'll eat it later." I said, not bothering to turn around.

Actually, I didn't dare to turn around because if I did then everybody would be able to see the painful tears running down my cheeks. I changed into a pair of pajama shorts and climbed up onto my bunk, silently crying to myself. I basically cried myself to sleep.

Why?

Because I fell for Matt ... I fucking fell hard. And now the one person he's ever loved suddenly shows back up and says she's still in love with him.

So, is this what heartbreak felt like? I don't know, but I sure as hell wasn't going to admit I was heartbroken if this is indeed what was causing all my pain.


When I woke up I found that my head was resting on someone's chest while they had an arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me against their body. I opened my eyes and instantly recognized the tattoos.

"You've been asleep for a while." Matt said quietly, softly running his fingers up and down the side of my arm.

"I was pretty tired." I said, looking up at him, trying my hardest to read his thoughts through his eyes.

"Oh."

He tore his eyes from mine casually and looked straight up.

"You don't know how many times I've been scared shitless of that damn poster." He said, nodding up towards it.

I smiled a bit to myself as I looked at it as well. It was a poster of the lovely Johnny Depp that Matt had given me for my birthday. Well, one of them anyway. I'll never forget the look on Matt's face when I told him I was gonna hang up right over the top of our bunk.

"You know you like it." I teased.

"He's an amazing actor but to wake up every morning with his face looking back down at me is kinda creepy."

I laughed softly at Matt's comment while he pulled me closer to him ever so slightly.

"You know I got you something else for your birthday." He said shyly.

"You did?" I asked.

"Yeah ... I just never got around to giving it to you."

He shifted slightly so that he could dig something out of his pocket and handed a little box over to me.

"Here you go."

I took it and stared at the tiny box causing Matt to let out a little laugh.

"Are you gonna open it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I grinned, pulling the lid off to find another box inside of that.

I sighed to myself as I turned the bigger box over to let the smaller one fall out into my flattened palm. I opened the lid and felt my mouth drop slightly as a pair of Ruby studded earrings sparkled back up at me. I felt a smile spread across my face as I stared at them.

"Do you like them?" Matt asked hesitantly.

"I love them." I whispered. "But there is one thing."

"What?"

"You realize that my ears are gauged to a two, right?"

"Damn ... I fucking knew that." Matt said slowly. "Fuck, I'm an idiot. I-I'll take them back for you if-"

"What? You can't take back my present you've given to me." I smirked, pulling them out of his reach as he tried to take the box away from me.

"But ... You have gauges in your ears." Matt said blankly, looking down at me.

"Well, I'm just gonna have to get my ears pierced again then." I grinned.

"You're crazy." Matt laughed, shaking his head slightly. "But that's what I love about you."

Suddenly Val's words came rushing back to me, instantly bringing the rain cloud back over my head.

"Matt, can I ask you something?" I asked quietly.

"Sure."

I hesitated for a bit because I wasn't sure if I was quite ready to handle the truth, whatever it may be.

"Are you still in love with Val?" I whispered.

With my head resting on Matt's chest I could hear his heartbreak gradually speed up with each second that passed.

"I don't know." He said slowly. "I think so."

"Oh." Was all I said.

Fuck, as I felt my heart slowly shredding to bits inside my chest, it was all I could say.

At that very same moment I swore to myself that I'd never fucking fall in love because honestly I'd rather feel the pain of being alone than the pain of heartache any day.


As I watched Matt and Val becoming close once again, I felt me and Matt drifting further apart. We still bunked together and stuff but that's all we did. All the time that he and I used to spend together he was now spending with Val.

In any other situation it would have hurt to see this but I had already thrown out all my feelings I had for him. It didn't bother me that they seemed to be falling for one another all over again, hell, I was happy for them. I mean, they were still two of my good friends and all that mattered to me was that they were happy.

I was out on the dance floor dancing 'dirty' with Johnny, having a blast. I hadn't been clubbing in so long I almost forgot how much fucking fun it was. I laughed a bit as Johnny dug his nails into my hips in an attempt to pull them closer to his.

I saw my brother shooting us a dirty look from where he was dancing with Amber as Johnny and I 'got low.' Eventually the song ended and JB snagged me away from Johnny as Def Leppard's 'When Love And Hate Collide' started to play.

He smiled shyly at me as he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist while I wrapped mine around his shoulders.

Matt's POV
I heard the intro to 'When Love And Hate Collide' and made my way over towards Lauren, knowing that this was one of her favorite songs. Unfortunately JB beat me to it so I just decided to go back to Val.

If you're wondering what's going on between us the answer's nothing. We've just been talking things over and shit like that. She thinks we should try things out once again but I don't really want to.

And if you're wondering whether or not I was lying to Lauren when I said that I thought I was still in love with Val the answer's yes. I don't know why I said that ... I just did.

I sighed as I pulled Val closer to me, resting my head over her shoulder so she wouldn't notice me staring over at Lauren and JB. I felt a twinge of jealousy as I watched them.

The way she was looking up at him, the way she laughed, the way she bit her lip while trying to hide a smile ... It drove me crazy.

Crazy because I wasn't the one making her act like that.

I was able to ignore the fact that JB's hands had found their way into the back pockets of Lauren's jeans but what I couldn't do was pretend that I didn't just see her lips attached to his as if they were stuck together with fucking superglue.

It was clear to me that there were no hopes of Lauren and I ever ending up together ... Ever ...

Knowing this I made a decision ... what was probably a very stupid decision.

"Val?" I asked softly, pulling away from her so I could look into her eyes. "Um ... Will you be my girlfriend again?"
End of Matt's POV