This Is a Reason for Broken Wings

Matt's POV
When I was seventeen I was involved in a serious car wreck ... Actually, it was serious for me and it was more like my car was the only one involved. I totaled my truck, completely annihilated some oak tree, and had my license revoked because the DMV had said, and I quote, that 'I was an irresponsible driver incapable of withholding the responsibilities that came with a driver's license.'

I never really understood what they meant by this, I mean come on; I hit a patch of black ice, lost control of the vehicle, and crashed into a tree. What the fuck, was I supposed to be responsible for the patch of black ice or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bunch of bull shit, I know.

Anyway, I was able to walk away from the scene with nothing but a few cuts and a bruised ego. Although I played the whole thing off to the guys, making it seem like no big, it honestly scared the fuck out of me.

To this very day I still remember how the last few seconds before I actually hit the tree progressed. Everything seemed to go by so slow, yet much too fast for me to do anything to stop it. I sat there in horror, buckled to my seat as I watched everything come crashing down around me ... Literally.

The frame of the truck, the shattering glass, the fucking tree ... I was trapped by all kinds of stuff, holding me there so I couldn't escape ...

And you know what's funny?

With the passing days I've realized that this was happening once again. Except I wasn't in no car ... It was my fucking life that was crashing and burning before my eyes.

It's been three weeks since that night when I asked Val out and well, we've been together ever since then. As much as I'd like to say that I'm happy with her, I'm not. I just ... can't be happy with her.

Fuck.

The past few weeks have been so bland and shitty; for me anyway.

But you know me ... I tend to put on a very good show. On the outside I'm happy, and cheerful, and so fucking carefree. But actually, with each day that passes I feel the happiness being sucked out of me as this cage around my soul forged by lies, deception, and false feelings gets smaller and smaller.

I feel so helpless and so fucking powerless; it was driving me crazy, I had to find a way to make it end. And I knew there was only one possible solution to this.


It was the day before my birthday and we were all the way up by Seattle, Washington. The gang was all off doing their own thing, Val was taking care of some shit for Atreyu (she was still their band manager after all), and I was wandering aimlessly around the venue.

I watched a couple of my homies perform, ran into some fans, and somehow found by way around the back parking lot to where the busses were parked. Feeling a sudden urge to go lie down and take a nap I headed straight for our bus, finding Lauren already asleep on one of the couches.

I may have forgotten to have mentioned this but since Val and I got back together Lauren's new bunking buddy has been Johnny. Surprisingly Johnny's been able to keep his hands, and dick, to himself. I know for a fact that this is very hard to do so I give the motherfucker a pat on the back. Anyway ...

I stood there for a couple of minutes just staring at Lauren, my eyes observing every little detail of her sleeping figure. Before I realized what I was doing I was gently taking her in my arms so that I could lay down myself, resting her body a little to the side of mine, letting her head settle on my chest.

She shifted a little bit so she could cuddle more into my side, wrapping one of her tanned arms (dude, I swear these Italian's tan very fucking easily) around my middle.

I started humming softly as I started to run my fingers through Lauren's soft, black hair, which was actually down for a change.

"Matt?" She mumbled, turning her head slightly to look up at me. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." I said gently, letting my hand rest in the middle of her back.

"What are you doing?" She asked groggily.

"I miss lying with you." I said honestly.

She let a grin flash across her face, instantly making the damn rain cloud that has been hovering over me for a while now disappear.

"Aww, I feel very special now."

"Well you should bitch." I joked, returning a faint smile.

"Shut up." She said, slapping my stomach.

"Owch, I take it back."

"Good."

We fell back into silence during which my hand resumed stroking her hair.

"Did you hear the news?" She asked.

"What news?"

"My brother finally grew some balls to pop the question."

"Really? Dude, that's fucking awesome, when did this happen?"

"I didn't say she said yes." Lauren replied bluntly.

"W-what? Why n-"

"I'm just kidding Matt." She laughed. "Amber just called me maybe an hour ago, screaming around about I was gonna be her sister-in-law ... I imagine her and Zacky are in the middle of some hardcore make out session someplace ... most likely in view of the general public."

"Oh, no doubt." I grinned. "They're crazy like that."

"Ha, crazy's an understatement."

"Yeah." I agreed, my eyes locking with Lauren's as she looked back up at me.

Fuck, I couldn't believe how far I felt away from her even though she was practically lying on top of me. She cocked her head to the side a bit as a look of sadness washed over her flawless facial features.

"Matt, what's wrong?" She asked gently.

"I ... I don't know."

"Matt, tell me ... please."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly while thinking of what to say.

"I don't think things will work out between me and Val." I mumbled. "When I asked her to be my girlfriend again, I thought that I'd be happy and things would just like they used to be."

"But?"

"But ... That feelings just not there anymore."

"What changed?" She whispered. "What happened to those feelings?"

"Actually I don't think they've been there for a while; they were just some phony feelings created by heartache. And plus ... There's someone else."
Lauren remained silent but the look in her eyes were begging me to go on.

"She's on my mind all the time and I can't get it to focus on anything but her. When I kiss Val I pretend it's her lips that I'm pressing mine to. And when we make love ... I see her face instead of Val. I ... I think I'm in love with the chick."

"Who is it?" She asked quietly ... So fucking quiet that I had to practically read her lips to figure out what the hell she said.

I opened my mouth to answer her, to finally admit all my feelings that I've had for her since day fucking one but my damn cell started to ring. Mentally cussing the damn thing out I pulled away from Lauren to sit up as I pulled the cell out of my pocket.

"Hello?" I asked not so cheerfully.

"Hey baby, where are you?" Val asked.

"I'm on the bus."

"Oh. Hey, you wanna go with me to check out this little barbeque Bert and the guys' are having?"

I had no interest in going anywhere with Val but I knew that she'd just make me go with her anyway.

"Yeah, sure."

"Awesome. Meet me over at their bus."

"Alright." I mumbled, hanging up before she asked me to do anything else.

I stuffed my cell back in my pocket and saw Lauren slipping into her shoes beside me.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna go look for my brother and his fiance." She grinned. "Where you going?"

"Val wants me to go with her to hang out with Bert and the guys." I said quietly. "So ... Have fun on your hunt."

"I'm sure I will." She grinned, disappearing down the steps. "Oh, and about your other girl that you think you're in love with ... Just tell her how you fucking feel and quit being a pussy about it. That's the only way you're gonna be happy." She called back before the door closed behind her.

I sighed loudly, wondering why the hell me and Lauren's relationship had to be so fucking crazy.

"Someone please help us." I mumbled out loud.

Fuck that, I said to myself, someone please save us from the verge of insanity because if things continued in this fashion I'm sure that's where we were going to end up.
End of Matt's POV