All For You, My Daisy

I had to go.
I had to get out of the room.
Ellie singing that song was...ugh.
I just...wanted to get up right there and than and kiss her.
I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was okay because I would never ever leave her.
Ellie everything to me, and I hate that.
I want to love her like a big brother should.
Loving her the way I do is not...appropriate. It’s not healthy.
I’m not...normal.
The truth is... I love Ellie.
No doubt about it. There is no second guessing how much I love Ellie.
And I’m scared.
I’m so scared that I might slip up and my feelings would show.
I can’t let that happen.
As much as I want to tell her, and hold her, and everything to go back to how it was.
I know it can’t.
I know how much it hurts me...I can only imagine how much it hurts Ellie.
And the thought of me hurting Ellie makes everything hurt even worse.
I sat on my black comforter that was draped over my bed.
That song.
That song rushed through my brain again and again.
Her beautiful voice just grazing by the melody.
She was an angel.

UGH! There I go again.
My brain can’t stop.
I Sighed painfully flopping on my back. I rubbed my hands over my face. I just wish this could all wash away.
I wish I could be with Ellie...but I wish I could still have my parents. I just wish Ellie and I could both be happy. That’s what I wish for.

“Hey, dude.”

I moved my hands slightly away from my eyes and looked at my door frame. It was Luke. Standing there in his plaid shirt, and his new ball cap. His hair was flipped to the side like mine always is. He’s a pretty cool kid.

“Yeah?” I sighed dropping my hands beside my body and looking to the ceiling.

Luke stepped in and hovered over me.
“Mom wants to watch ‘the Christmas story’ with all of us. Come down to the theater.” Luke said about to turn around.

“No, I’m going to stay up here.” I mumbled.
Luke turned back to me and sighed. He obviously was really fed up.

“Dude, that’s one of your favorite movies.”

“I don’t feel up for it right now, Luke.” I grumbled staring at him now. Luke laughed looking around my room and then back at me.

“You know, you’re a total hypocrite. Ellie loves you and I know you love her too. I know you don’t want to, but you do so face the facts.” Luke huffed. I sat up and looked at him straight in the eye. “You act all tough and macho all the time. Like Ellie isn’t suppose to feel the way for you like she does meanwhile you feel the exact same way.”

I was beginning to clench my jaw now. He didn’t know anything.

“I don’t know what you want to be to her. But if it’s the big brother you choose...you’re not really acting like it.” He said turning around to walk out the door.

“What do I do?” I moaned rubbing my face again.

Luke breathed out deeply and looked back at me.
“Start with fixing your little sisters heart that YOU broke.” He stated before officially leaving me alone in my room.
I wiped the tear from my cheek and tried my best to stand up.
Walking downstairs was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Leaving Ellie was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I needed to fix that.

Luke was right. About everything.

The room was dark, and I walked into the carpeted floor. The screen was big at the other end of the room. Yes, in fact it was my favorite movie.
The theatre room was pretty amazing. There was a bar at the back of the room with a fridge and lots of painting hung up on the wall. So, really your little candy counter. You could say.
There was a self at the side of the room, full of DVD movies. New and old. Mom and dad had probably watched a lot of these where ever they were.
There were three black couches that were the seats. There was one that actually rested on the floor while there was a platform behind it. That was for the second couch which rested a little high than the first couch. After that, yes came the third couch which was on an even higher platform.
In other words, there were rows of seats in this theatre room. Mom and dad were snuggling on the bottom couch with a bowl of popcorn, while Luke was sitting on the middle couch being a Tommy texter, texting the friends I’ve never even met.
That left the highest couch. There sat Ellie. Her long legs spread out on the couch, with her pink star flannel shorts, and a white baggy shirt. Today she let down her hair. All her brown tassels falling down her chest. Lying down like that her hair touched her stomach. I loved that. She was watching the movie attentively.

“Nate. Sit down!” Dad called out. I didn’t realize I was just standing there staring at the girl. I walked over to her and lifted her legs. She looked at me confused while I slipped under her legs. Lightly, she rested her feet on my lap, and I gently rubbed her smooth legs. I watched the movie, laughing at the parts where I was suppose to laugh, and ‘awh’ing at the part where I was supposed to. What can I say? It was my favourite movie. Ellie on the other hand never removed her gaze from my face. I still had my hand on her legs, running them up and down.
I didn’t know why I was doing that, but it was calming me.
Unexpectedly, Ellie slid up to me. The same way she had always done when we were still together. Together, together. Her inner thigh simultaneously touching my hand. It sent my stomach doing back flips. Breathing on my neck she opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m hungry.” She whispered. I looked at her. Her hazel eyes staring me down. My heart started pounding and I nodded my head.
Getting up I walked out of the theater room, as she followed me. “I’m in the mood for popcorn.” She stated.

“Popcorn coming up.” I breathed opening the basement door. I turned and walked into the kitchen opening up the pantry. Ah, popcorn. Taking it out of its plastic package I walked over to the microwave and popped it in. I pressed some buttons and turned around facing Ellie who was at the other end of the kitchen.
Running her hands through her hair and flipping it up and behind her she breathed looking at me straight in my eyes.
Oh, fuck.
“Can you come here?” I couldn’t help but mumble. She folded her arms and looked at the ground and she walked up at me. Tilting her head her hair fell to one side. I picked up my hand and ran my hair through her lovely brown locks. I kissed the top of her head smelling her sweet aroma I missed way too much.
Closing my eyes, taking it all in I stood there for a couple of seconds. Just nuzzling my face in her hair. Crap, crap, crap. What was my body doing?
I couldn’t help but lift her chin up. She looked up at me with glossy eyes. How much I just wanted to wash all of her troubles away. I can’t believe I ever caused any of those troubles. I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her closer. I leaned my forehead on hers. She was just so beautiful. Why did she have to be so beautiful? Unfortunately her eyes wandered to my lips which made me look at her own. WHY did I possibly do that?!

Her lips looked so plump...so cute and small...so...oh no.
I laid one on her. My face bent down, and I kissed her. It was a fast peck thank you god. But it was so soft, and cute. Her moist lips rubbed off on mine sending me crazy for her taste. Oh, how much I loved the taste of her mouth. One more couldn’t hurt.
I bent down again, and kissed her gently. This time, I don’t know If I can pull away. She was just so soft. Our faces still attached, I felt the wetness from her tears rub off on my cheeks. Closing my eyes tightly I tried not to think about all the passion I was feeling. She felt so good to kiss. It felt so great and perfect and I never ever wanted to let go. I dropped my hands, and glided them down her thighs picking them up instantly. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I held her up by hugging her tightly under her butt. Slipping in her tongue I let out a soft moan. I hated her so much right now. But I freaking missed this so much. I was loving it. I walked over to the other side of the kitchen where the pantry stood. Slamming hard into that, Ellie let out a harsh moan. Oh god, I loved that sound coming out from her. I couldn’t help but smile. I looked at her and she looked at me. The longing for her lips were too much. I attached them back immediately. She ran her fingers through my hair tugging slightly from time to time. I couldn’t deal with this. Tugging her closer to me, I let her slide to the ground, bring me with her.
We sat there on the floor for a couple of minutes. I loved having her so close.

I missed this SO much, I can’t believe I ever let it – Ellie detached her lips from mine and looked up with a confused face. Looking around I noticed what she was trying to figure out.
The kitchen smelt of burnt popcorn.
The microwave was still going!
I pushed back from the wall, and Ellie slid off of me. I turned around and went straight for the microwave, sliding it out instantly. Yep, defiantly burnt. I held the burnt bag up by it’s flap and dropped it in the sink. Turning on the tap, smoke rose high into the air.
I stood over the sink panting.
I wasn’t panting from the popcorn.