Bitter Sweet

Jude’s sobs die down eventually and a part of me is thankful when he pulls away. My arms are tingling and body shaking from the previous connection. Just being in his presence makes my heart beat so having him in my arms makes my heart soar and I’m slightly surprised I didn’t do anything I’d regret later.

Gasping for air, I realize how hard I’m breathing. My chest is heaving all because of Jude and he has no idea of what he has and is doing to me. Wiping at his puffy eyes, Jude puts on a smile and says, “We better get going…”

“We don’t have to.” I think we all know why I want us to stay here. It’s because I’m selfish. I want Jude all to myself. I want to hold him in my arms and pretend that he’s mine and mine alone. I want to talk with him and not have anyone bother us. I just want it to be us.

I bite my lip. I’m scum. I’m so selfish, wanting to keep Jude to myself. I can’t believe myself. I sound like such a child, saying mine, mine, mine, and want, want, want constantly. I don’t deserve Jude but then again, I don’t think anyone does because he’s so bloody perfect but that doesn’t keep me from wishing to be able to have him as my own.

“Nah…I need to go sort all this out,” Jude says to me after stepping onto his feet. Pressing his shirt down, he goes to dusting his pants off and fixing his hair, probably in hopes to make it seem like he’s ok and that his heart isn’t cracking into two.

The sadistic part of me is thinking, good, you deserve it. Now you know how I feel. But the part of me that knows better, that’s completely in love with him is thinking, I’m sorry. Shaking my head to disperse those thoughts, I stand up as well and watch as Jude wipes at his eyes and tries desperately to make them look less blurry.

“I probably look like an idiot,” he laughs dryly, looking at me shyly through the mirror. His long blonde locks shield his breath taking eyes.

I sigh. “When don’t you look like an idiot?”

For some odd reason that brings a small smile to his face and he turns around to face me. Reaching out, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him. My entire body stiffens as he envelops me in this “friendly” hug but in my mind, it isn’t so friendly.

I feel so sick, thinking of Jude in such a way when he’s in a time of need. I feel like an idiot, a pervert, and a terrible friend but even so, I can’t keep myself from him and I hold him in my arms as he thanks me. For what, I have no clue but I simply nod my head to what he says.

Jude pulls away and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from frowning at the loss of contact. He smiles softly to me causing my cheeks to burn so I look away and clear my throat. “Um…lets just go.”

Jude nods and he follows me out of the restroom. The two of us walk side by side to Jude’s class where I ask, “What are you going to do?”

“Break up with her,” he frowns and I can see in his eyes that he really doesn’t want to but he knows he has to. I reach for his hand and hold it in my own. Although it hurts to know that he’ll never feel the same way for me as I do for him, I still want to help. I don’t want to see him like this, in pain. Squeezing it, I give him a reassuring grin. “I’m coming over after school.”

“Are you now?” I smirk. My heart does back flips at the thought of him coming to me for help. I’m the one he wants to talk to about this. I’m the one he wants to hold him. I’m the one he comes to for help, for advice and it makes me feel great that I at least mean that much to him.

“Yep,” he chirps. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

I nod and realize that I haven’t released his hand yet, not that he has let go either. The both of us smile and I finally pull my hand from his, missing the touch immediately and wishing that I could have just held on a little longer because the feelings shooting up through my arms and into my chest are great. It tickles, it tingles and it’s all because of Jude.

I shove my hands into my pants pockets as I walk down the hall way. Staring aimlessly at the tile flooring, I go over today’s events over and over again in my head. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about what has happened.

Am I happy that Hailey is finally out of the picture? Or sad? She’s finally gone and Jude is once again single and maybe a part of me is thinking, do we have another chance? But at the same time, I know how much he cares about her and he can’t get over her that easily. He’s also in pain now because he really did care and she cheated on him with one of his best friends.

I want his happiness and Hailey made him happy. I just wish that she didn’t because she obviously isn’t that great of a person.

Groaning, I enter my classroom to see Audra, Darrin, and Brad giving me curious looks. My eyes narrow on Brad, who is now staring at me with a slightly confused expression. The teacher asks me why I’m late and I don’t reply but walk back to sit next to Brad.

I lean over so that my lips are brushing his ear and I can feel him shiver after I whisper, “Jude saw you with her.”

His eyes widen into the shape of saucers and he turns to look at me but I’m already staring straight ahead. I don’t want to look at that asshole because if I do I know that I’ll kick his ass. I have to wait until after school when I won’t get into trouble and Jude won’t try to stop me.

Brad will pay for hurting Jude. I will make him regret the day he was born. And that bitch Hailey will be in for a mouth full from Audra, I know that for a fact. Once she gets through with her, I’ll make sure to bitch her out as well.

The slut deserves it. She deserves all the pain in the world for hurting someone as pure and beautiful as Jude.

My hands clench into fists and I exhale angrily through my nostrils. From beside me I can hear Brad squirming uncomfortably in his seat. He should be scared, the little shit, he has no idea what he’s in for.

Hell…maybe even Darrin will help. I smirk. I guess the only good thing coming out of this is that Jude and I can spend more time together.

I really am…selfish.