Bitter Sweet

Day turns to night and it’s not long before everyone is leaving. Audra throws her arms around me in a hug, claiming that she’ll try to come over tomorrow if she can get out of doing chores. Darrin waves good-bye and walks out of the house around nine.

Jude stays longer because his mother is working night shift and offered to pick him up around midnight. He couldn’t stay because he had to baby sit his sister tomorrow. That, obviously, makes me sad. I enjoy having Jude around but at least I got to spend all day with him.

“I hate you, by the way.”

“Why?” Jude cries, staring up at me with big, rough eyes.

“Because you made me watch that!” I shout but instead of Jude feeling guilty like I wish he would he found it funny because he starts to laugh. I stomp my feet and try to make him understand. “I hate that movie and you know it! Old people creep me out.”

“But I wanted a cuddle buddy!” Jude jumps up and walks over to me. I flush when he throws his arms around me in a hug. A lump forms in my throat but there is no way I’m passing this opportunity up so it doesn’t take long for me to hold him as well. “And you know you love me!”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

“I will.”

I plant myself on the couch and flip the DVD back onto play. My eyes follow the figures on the screen. From time to time something will scare me, causing me to jump or make a sound of discomfort. Jude is just fucked up and laughs every time something jumps out. I guess that’s his way of being scared or something…

I don’t know. He’s a freak of nature. That is the only conclusion I’ve come to.

A car horn blares from outside. Both Jude and I look at each other with a frown.

“I guess it’s time for me to go,” he sighs, standing up and brushing himself off. I nod and stand as well, following him to the door where we both come to a stop.

Before he opens the door he turns around and smiles at me. “Did you have fun?”

I shrug and nibble at my bottom lip. “Yeah…thanks.”

“No problem, what are best friends for?” Jude laughs and maybe it was just me but I could have sworn he sounded nervous, maybe even a little embarrassed.

I throw that idea out. It’s Jude, after all.

“Yeah…best friends.” It pains me to hear it. It pains me to say it. That’s just how it is though and that’s how it will always be.

Jude smiles and opens his arms. Rolling my eyes, I walk towards him and envelop him in a hug. His scent assaults my nostrils and I breathe it in. His arms hold me tight and feeling his body pressed to mine is leaving me weak at the knees, like always.

Sighing, I lean back, the same with Jude only he doesn’t end up pulling away. I’m looking up at him and his arms are still around my waist and mine around him. I stare up at him curiously because he’s looking at me strangely.

His eyes have suddenly become very dark. They’re swirling with emotions and I can’t tell what they are. He seems to be in some type of trance. I don’t realize that he’s moving in until his lips are against my own.

My heart stops and my eyes become larger while his are closed tight. The pressure against my lips is clearly telling me that he’s kissing me but my mind is going haywire. There’s no way that he’s kissing me, just no way! But if he is…shouldn’t I kiss back? This may be the only one I get.

His lips are moving against mine and I finally manage to move mine against his, applying pressure to the kiss. Our lips disconnect but only for a second. Neither of us even re-open our eyes as we continue to place open mouth kisses against the other. Our tongues mingle, dance with the other until the air in my lungs is completely gone and I’m begging for air.

We finally pull apart but it still feels like we’re kissing. My lips are tingling and, like some love struck girl, I pull my hand from around his waist to place against my lips. My fingers dance across the still burning skin and I begin to smile…

The smile is wiped off though the moment Jude pulls away. He moves fast and my eyes barely have time to see him bolt out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

The sound causes me to flinch and it isn’t until his mother has already drove off that I realize…he just ran off. We just kissed and he…ran off.

My chest hurts.

Why’d he run off? Did he regret it? Did he not mean to do it? If he didn’t then why did he? Why am I not good enough?