Bitter Sweet

You had me pressed between yourself and the locker. My entire body was shaking when you smirked and leaned in. Your eyebrows wiggled suggestively and I laughed but you quieted that with a kiss that had me melting immediately because being in your arms was like going to heaven.

It was perfect, absolutely perfect.

But our time was ruined by a teacher screaming, “No PDA!”

We pulled apart and laughed and you held me in your arms. You looked down at me and I felt my breath disappear as you said. “You’re so fuckin’ cute Kale.”

Jude and I walk side by side to our fourth period English class. Jude is chattering away about something stupid, again, but I listen to him anyways and smile to show that I really am. Normally, I don’t put up with conversations like this but with Jude…it just feels right because he doesn’t do it to be annoying. He does it to make someone happy and his pure intentions just kind of…makes it all ok?

It’s hard to explain. It is the way it is.

We make it to English and I take a seat in the back and Jude sits in front of me like always. Everyone goes to talking with their friends and before I know it, Jude is facing me with a look that screams I need your help.

The look rips my heart out and throws it into a blender because I know what he needs help with. Hailey. The one topic that I wish I never had to listen to but if it’s for Jude, I’ll go through with it so I just sigh and act like I’m not about to cry and ask, “Are you and Hailey ok?”

Jude frowns. “I…don’t know. She just seems really down lately and I can’t help but feel like shit. I’m her boyfriend, it’s my job to keep her happy.”

“It is not,” I reply and I feel my teeth grinding together. Let the bitch be unhappy, she deserves it. Filthy skank. “I guess, you could say, it’s your job to try to make her happy when she’s down but if you can’t do anything about it she needs to fix things herself. Sometimes that’s the way it is.”

“But I should be able to do something. After all, it’s affecting our relationship and if I can’t keep her happy what good am I?”

Please, just stop talking about her. I can’t stand it. I don’t want to hear about her. I don’t want to hear about you two being together. Do you have any idea how much it hurts?

“Trying is what you can do but if it doesn’t work it’s her fault, not yours.” I shrug.

She’s not deserving of you. She’s just a slut, a useless, good for nothing slut! The reason she’s “depressed” is because she really doesn’t care. She doesn’t care for you, she only cares about herself because she’s a selfish little bitch.

“I love her though…I don’t want her to be sad, not now, not ever!”

My chest hurts. That thing in my chest, called a heart, is beginning to throb with unbelievable pain…Jude, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?

“If she loves you she’ll help find a way.”

My heart is cracking. I can hear it shattering into a million pieces and you…you’re just making it worse by bringing a hammer to those pieces and crushing them into dust. Do you know Jude, that you’re really tearing me apart?

“And if she doesn’t love me?”

She doesn’t love you but I won’t say that because Jude, I love you so much. Even if you’re shoving your hand into my chest and clawing at my very insides, I still do, love you.

I shrug. “Then it’s not meant to be.”

Jude frowns and I bite my lip because I know that I’m the reason he’s like that. Sighing, I reach out and I want to pull him into me. I want to kiss him, hold him, hug him, and tell him that I love him and that everything will be ok but I refrain from doing so and simply bump my knuckles against his forehead to catch his attention.

He gazes at me through watery eyes and I curse Hailey for being the reason he’s on the verge of tears. Putting on a smile, I say, “Don’t worry about it Jude. I’m sure things will work out.”

“You think so?” He sniffles and the tears are fading fast.

“Yeah, I do.” I smirk and place my elbow on the desk, resting my head in my hand and staring at him. I just wish that he’d somehow see the feelings I have for him through my eyes so I don’t have to go through the embarrassment or the pain of saying them all and maybe, just maybe, he’d show me some mercy. At the same time, I don’t want him to know at all because I’m afraid if he does that’ll change our friendship. I don’t want that.

“Thanks Kale.” Jude gets out of his desk and jumps into my lap. I am so happy that he’s hugging me right now because if he saw how red my cheeks got, I don’t know what I’d do. “You really are the best!”

I hug him back and sigh contently. It feels so great to have-

“Jude!” I holler, throwing him off me after his dirty hands managed to squeeze my ass. “What the hell, man!”

“What?” He giggles cutely, crawling back into my lap and wiggling his eyebrows like he use to do. “You must know that you have the greatest ass. Number one in the entire school, it’s better than Hailey’s! It’s so hard to resist.”

“I wonder what Hailey would do if she knew what you just said,” I laugh because knowing that he likes something about me more than his girlfriend does that to me. Sure, it’s just a stupid part of my appearance but I still feel like rubbing it in her face. I would but that, I’m sure, would cause problems.

“No!” Jude panics, jumping out of my lap and getting scolded by our teacher. “Don’t do that! Show me mercy!”

Don’t worry, Jude, I will, even if you never did.