I'd Rather Be Alone...

Needless to say, the packing was actually all done at the last minute. It was mainly due to Petie’s...determination...to spend every last precious second that he had left with me, which, in my opinion, I thought was just simply adorable, but it was using up a lot of valuable time that I really couldn’t afford to lose.

It was hard work making sure that I didn’t forget anything important that I’d need, such as my camera lenses, my camera and my laptop (which Brandon so kindly dropped off after Petie called him to say that everything was a-ok) along with the various different chargers that I required. When it came down to actually deciding what clothes to pack, well let’s just say that I almost end up throwing every single outfit that I have ever had the misfortune to ever own into my average sized suitcase.

As I was passing most of my possessions to Petie, I couldn’t help but watch him closely as he places the items into the correct pouches (without any prompting from myself). Just standing there watching him, made me realise just how much he cares about me and how many things that he actually does for me. It’s as I stand there watching him, that I seriously consider calling Gary back and explaining to him that he should look for another photographer to take my place...but I don’t.

I guess that maybe because...even though it may be hard for me to say goodbye to Petie and the others, in a realistic way, it’ll be good for me to head back over to the UK. It’ll give me a chance to see those that I love and have missed whilst I’ve been living with Petie here in Florida, mainly my family. Although, thinking about it, I guess that I’m also glad to be heading back to the UK in general, it’s been a while, and of course it’ll be great to work with the ‘Minor boys again. It’s seriously been too long since I was last with them and as stupid as this may sound, I’ve actually really grown to miss them and all of their stupid pranks as well.

“Alexa, are you listening to me?” Petie asks softly, his voice knocking me from my thoughts.

I give him a small smile as I shake my head, placing the last of my essentials into my suitcase, before Petie takes hold of my hands into his own. The way that his breathtaking brown eyes bore into my own sapphire blue, made me feel like the whole world have stopped turning, especially when he placed his sweet kisses onto my lips, his forehead resting lightly against my own as he continues to gaze lovingly at me.

“Yeah, sorry. I was just...never mind, I think that’s everything.” I sigh, pulling away slightly as I look round our apartment, which suddenly seemed just that little bit bigger now that most of my stuff has been thrown into a suitcase (I thought I had more things than that here), before resting my head against Petie’s chest as he holds my small frame close to him.

“You know, I really wish that you didn’t have to leave...” Petie’s voice, as he said that, made my heart lurch with pain and sadness, so much that it almost got me sobbing again.

“Petie...I...”

The words that I was trying to process from my mind to my mouth, just won’t come out, they are literally stuck in my throat, unable to escape through my slightly cracked lips. I take a deep breath before letting my arms drop from Petie’s waist and down to my sides, looking him straight in the eye as the tears that have begun to build up, threatening to fall once again.

“Don’t, Lexi...Please?” Petie whispers as he delicately places a finger against my lips, his face so close to mine, I can feel his breath on my cheeks. “I know that this will be hard, for both of us to be this far apart, but...as much as I really want you to stay here with me...I understand that you have a job to do, that you have to go but...”

“Petie, if you don’t want me to go, then I won’t. Just say the word and I’ll...I’ll stay.” I burst out pleadingly as I pull his hand gently from my face and rest it against my chest, entwining his fingers with my own.

I can see the look in his expression change as he takes in my words, his body shifting uncomfortably in my arms as he remains silent for just a few moments longer as he tries to think of a response. Not that I was looking forward to what he would have to say on the matter, I’d still go, it doesn’t really matter what he says, he can’t change the current situation but then...Petie surprised me with an answer that I never thought I’d ever hear him say.

“Alexa...I couldn’t ever ask you to do something like that, as much as I want to ask you to do that for me, I won’t. I know that going back over to the UK will be good for you and that you get to work with a band that you already know which if you look at it is a bonus. I just want you to know that, even though we’ll be miles and an ocean apart, I love you, and although I won’t be there to hold you while you sleep...I’ll be with you in your dreams, always.”

Petie’s words were soft, barely more than a whisper, but to me it felt as though he had shouted them in my ear. The intensity and realisation of his words were crashing against me. It’s kind of funny in a way, but Petie’s words remind me of a quote from the infamous Alex Gaskarth, ‘Dreams become a happy release, so have them, and encourage them to be sweet,’ which has never been so true. ‘Cause let me tell you, if Petie was in my dreams then it would be the sweetest dream I have ever dreamt.

As I stand there, with my arms still pinned down to my side and Petie’s wrapped tightly around me, I couldn’t help but let a few tears spill down my cheeks as Petie’s grip says to me that he’s not daring to let me go. That is, until he sees the time on the clock hanging above the door.

“I guess we better start making a move. Don’t want to miss your flight, do we?” Petie asks me with the same amount of sadness that I felt.

I just simply nod my head in response as we picked up the bags that I would be taking along with my purse containing all the necessary documents that I would most definitely need at the airport, such as my passport and flight ticket. The lump in my throat has grown even bigger, not allowing any of my words to even enter its path as we lugged the heavy bags down to Petie’s little blue Mini Cooper.

Nothing would make me happier than to say that the journey to the airport was filled with laughter, but if I did that, then I’d be lying. ‘Cause the truth being is that the entire drive to the airport was in complete silence, with Petie clutching hold of my hand and squeezing it gently, in a reassuring fashion, whenever he didn’t need to change the gears, which was pretty much all the time considering that the roads were pretty quiet.

It was only when we actually reached the airport that the silence between us, was broken. If only the uncomfortable silence had been broken by Petie and not by my pathetic whining.

“These next four months are going to drag by so slowly, I can tell.”

“They might well do, but...” Petie starts to say, before trailing off again, looking out of the driver’s window and towards the airport.

“But...What?” I ask quietly, as I reach my hand up to cup his face. “Petie?”

“I’m just glad that...that I’d be able to hear your voice, even if you’re not near.” Petie sighs as he leans forward to place a soft kiss on my lips. “Promise that you’ll call me whenever you can?”

“Petie, you know as well as I do that if I’m not busy I’ll be online and calling you at the same time.” I laugh, entwining my fingers in his soft hair as I deepen the kiss. “I promise.”

That was all the reassurance that Petie needed. Smiling at me in that adorable way that he does best, he gets out of the driver’s side of the car and comes round to the passenger’s side, opening the door and offering me his hand, which I accept with a smile and a kiss before collecting my luggage from the trunk.

We remained holding hands as we walked through the bustling airport, bags at hand, until we reached my gate, where we then closed the distance between our bodies. I inhaled deeply, taking in Petie’s scent as he rests his head on top of my own, tracing patterns across my back in a soothing way. If my flight hadn’t just been called, I would have quite happily stayed like that for a good few hours.

I’ve never been any good at goodbyes, so how I managed to say goodbye to my Petie, I’ll never know. I didn’t even realise that I had actually said goodbye to him until I was actually sat in my seat on the plane, and my mind was processing the last few minutes.

I guess that this is how it’s going to be for the next four months, my mind wondering to Petie and the rest of Amely and debating whether they’re ok or not. I haven’t been away from any of them for longer than a couple of days before, so I have no idea how I’m going to cope with waking up and not seeing any of their smiling faces first thing in the morning. Well, I guess that I’ll have ‘Minor to keep me occupied but, that’s not going to take my mind of Petie.

I might not have seen the ‘Minor guys for a couple of years, but I know that as soon as I touch down on English grounds, nothing would have really changed between us in that time apart, but...who knows, they could have changed. I know for a fact that I have. Let’s just see if they’ve noticed...