I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I woke up feeling someone running their fingers down the side of my face. I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the dark before I caught eyes with Matt, who was lying next to me.

"Sorry." He whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"That's okay." I said softly. "What time is it?"

"Six thirty." He replied, running his fingers down the side of my face once again. "We're getting ready to go inside pretty soon."

I nodded and rolled over onto my side to rest my head on Matt's chest. He instantly wrapped one of his muscular arms around me to hold me in place and started to rub my back with his free hand.

"Baby?" I mumbled into his chest.

"What's up?"

"You should give me a back massage before we go inside."

"I hate giving back massages though Lauren." He whined.

"Matt." I replied in the same tone. "Please?"

I looked up and shot him my sad puppy dog look that he absolutely fell for every time.

"Gah, fine then. But let's go out to the front because there's more room." He said, opening up the curtain behind him.

I shut my eyes as the light from the hallway flooded into the dark bunk and opened them a couple seconds later, now knowing what to expect. Matt scooted out of the bunk and turned around to help me out as well.

Luckily this tour we weren't stuck with a top bunk. At the beginning of the tour (which was two weeks ago mind you) Matt and my brother ended up arm wrestling to see who'd get this particular bunk. Men ... I swear.

"Is that what you're gonna wear to the show?" Matt asked as he packed me out to the front room and laid me down on the couch.

I glanced down at my awesome blue Thundercats pajama bottoms and my white tank top.

"Yeah." I smirked. "Don't you like it?"

Matt let out a little laugh and shook his head.

"Yeah, love it." He grinned and signaled for me to roll over onto my stomach.

I felt the cushion shift a bit, meaning that Matt had taken a seat beside me. He slipped his fingers underneath the bottom of my tank top and worked it up to just below my bra strap. I felt the goose bumps spread across my exposed skin when his cold hands came in contact with my bare back.

I let out a soft moan as his hands swiftly worked out the knots scattered here and there.
Suddenly the front door opened up and a single pair of footsteps started to make their way up the stairs.

"Dude, there you guys are. Everybody's looking for you."

"You actually mean 'everybody' or just my brother?" I mumbled, not bothering to look at Johnny.

"Er ... your brother."

"Oh ... what's he want?"

"I don't know." Johnny said. "He probably just wants to make sure you two aren't off banging in the broom closet or something."

"Well, tell him we'll be there in a couple minutes." Matt said as he continued on with my massage.

"Alright man ... But you guy's better hurry up, the shows gonna start in a couple minutes."

"Okay."

I heard Johnny's footsteps fade away as he made his way back down the stairs and a few seconds later I heard the lock click into place as the door shut behind him. Matt let out a long sigh as he pulled my tank top back down and smoothed it out.

I rolled over onto my back and looked up to find him staring down at me with an expression I couldn't read. I cocked my head to the side a bit and frowned.

"Baby, what's on your mind?" I asked softly, lacing my fingers with his.

He shook his head.

"Nothing." He whispered, bringing my hand up to place a gentle kiss on it.

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged his shoulders as a smile slowly started to play at the corners of his mouth.

"I was just thinking about all the shit we've already been through together." He said, reaching over to give me a kiss.

As he started to pull away I placed my hand behind his head to hint that I wasn't done yet. I felt him run his tongue across my bottom lip and smirked a bit to myself. I parted my lips but before he had a chance to slip his tongue into my mouth I pushed mine into his.

Matt released my hand and placed one hand behind my arm and the other on the couch as I explored every inch of his mouth.

He let out an annoyed growl from deep in his throat as his cell in his pocket started to go off. As he made another move to pull away, I grabbed a handful of his hair and pressed my lips harder to his, continuing on with the kiss.

After some time his cell stopping ringing and a few seconds later it dinged, letting him know he had a new message. Finally, I moved my tongue to rest back in its rightful place and slowly pulled away to look at him.

His breathing was a little erratic and I could feel that his heart was beating a little faster. I moved my hand from the back of his head and let my hand caress his clean shaven cheek. He instantly leaned into my touch and stared intently at me as if he were trying to read my very thoughts.

"Lauren?" He asked quietly; so quiet that I practically had to read his lips to understand what he said.

"Yeah babe."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I have to tell you something ... " He said hesitantly.

"Okay." I said slowly.

As I stared up at Matt I was trying frantically to keep myself from breaking down inside. All sorts of horrible thoughts were going through my head as to what he could possibly fess up to. Thoughts of him saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, thoughts of him saying that he slept with somebody else, thoughts of him saying he was gay ... Trust me, it gets crazier but I'd rather not get share them.

"Baby, yo-"

"Hey, you guys hurry up; the shows already started." Zacky's voice cut in, disrupting Matt with his 'confession.'

Matt bit his lip as he looked back and forth between me and my brother.

"Oh, yeah ... Sorry, we lost track of time." He lied, sitting up.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's go." Zacky said impatiently.

I shot Zacky a dirty look as I sat up and turned back to Matt who seemed to be trying to avoid eye contact with either one of us.

"Baby, what did you have to tell me?" I asked, cupping his chin in my hand, forcing him to look at me.

"That I love you." He said sweetly, flashing me a smile.

"Oh ... I love you too babe." I said, letting my hand rest back on my lap.

I let Matt help me to my feet and followed him and Zacky to the stairs. I paused for a couple of seconds, slipping into my flip flops and made my way down the steps.

Once we were outside Matt wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his body.

"Baby, your nipples are hard." He stated, looking down at my boobs.

"Oh ... cool."

"Definitely not cool." Zacky mumbled turning around to narrow his eyes at Matt.

Matt, who was still staring down at my chest, didn't even notice Zacky glaring at him until he actually ran into him.

"Whoa, dude, Zacky watch yourself." Matt said, giving my brother an awkward look.

"Maybe if you weren't so busy checkin' out my sister's rack you would have seen me." Zacky snapped.

I laughed a bit to myself as Matt's cheeks started to turn a soft shade of pink. Zacky, in turn, shot me a dirty look and pulled off his sweatshirt, stuffing it in my arms.

"Put that on before you come inside." He ordered, turning around and storming through the back entrance of the venue.

I rolled my eyes and did as I was told; I knew if I didn't then I could expect to have Zacky burning holes through me with his evil eye for the next couple of hours. As soon as I pulled the sweatshirt down Matt wrapped his arms around my waist, picking me up.

"Matt?" I asked. "Are you sure you didn't have anything else to tell me?"

He stole a quick kiss from me before he replied.

"Nope ... that's all I was gonna say." He reassured.

I rested my head over his shoulder as he started to make his way inside. Although I wanted to believe him when he said there was nothing else to say, something told me that he wasn't being too honest with me.

****************

"Lauren." Matt whined. "Are you sure you don't wanna go to the bar with us?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time in the past five minutes. "I wanna stay here and cuddle with you because we haven't cuddled in a long time." I added, trying to put a guilt trip on him.

"But Lauren, you have to go." Johnny added, tugging on my arm as if that'd get me to agree to go with them.

"You guys, I don't want to go out to the bar tonight." I sighed, letting myself drop on the couch.

"Fine then." Matt said, pretending to pout. "Stay here with JB so you guys could be a couple of lame-o's together."

"Yeah, I think I'll do just that; maybe I'll even cuddle with him since my boyfriend don't want to." I replied being a smart ass. "Now give me some suga before you leave." I added, puckering up my lips.

"Whatever." He mumbled, frowning at me.

"Mathew." I said sternly, raising an eyebrow at him. "Now."

"Oooooo ... " Johnny, Alyssa, and Jimmy said together.

"You'd better listen to her Matt." Syn said, nodding his head.

"Nope." Matt said snootily, disappearing down the stairs.

"Asshole." I mumbled under my breath. "Well, you guys have fun."

"Er ... Are you sure yo-"

"Zacky, I don't wanna go to the bar tonight."

"Well, I'll keep an eye on Matt for you then." He said, giving me a hug.

"Okay." I said quietly, watching them disappear one by one down the stairs.

'Them' being Zacky, Syn, Alyssa, Jimmy, and Johnny. On the bus it was just me, JB, Cordell (Zacky and Syn's guitar tech), and a couple other roadies who's names I couldn't remember for the life of me that were already sleep in the back room.

We sat around in silence for a couple of minutes before Cordell challenged me and JB to a game of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance on the PS2. So we were pretty occupied playing that for about an hour or so before we got tired of it and decided to sit around some more.

"So ... " JB said. "Do you really wanna cuddle with me?" He joked.

"Ha ... I think Matt got mad at me when I said that."

"Yeah ... I think so too."

I frowned to myself and suddenly became very interested in my hands.

"Lauren, don't worry about it hun." JB said, nudging me in the side, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "Matt gets worked up about stupid little things like that all the time but he always lets them pass from his mind a couple minutes after it happened."

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to stare down at my hands.

"Seriously Lauren, I know for a fact that by the time Matt walks back through that door he's gonna have completely forgotten all about it."

I nodded my head and rested it on JB's shoulder, letting out a long sigh.
"I love him so much JB." I mumbled. "And sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to be with someone like him."

"Shh." JB cooed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Of course you deserve to be with him ... Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know. I just ... what if Matt realizes that he could have someone so much better than me and he ... gah, I don't know."

JB let out a little laugh, brushing the hair out of my face to look at me.

"Matt loves you very much Lauren. And I know he wouldn't leave you for anybody in the whole wide world because you're the only girl he could ever love." He said gently. "You catch my drift?" He added, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah." I grinned. "I got cha."

"Alright sweetie." He said, giving me a hug. "Now that that's settled, let's go break into Matt's secret licorice stash he had hidden around here some place." He whispered into my ear.

"Okay." I whispered back, pulling away a little bit so I could look him in the eye. "Thanks JB."

"No problem kiddo."

I reached over to place a gentle kiss on his cheek and heard the sound of the door opening up behind me. Before I had time to turn around to see who it was I felt an arm wrap around my waist, pulling me away from JB.

"Hey, be car-" I stopped short when whoever the hell it was punched JB square in the jaw.

I looked up and caught eyes with my very pissed off boyfriend. Before I knew what was going on I was thrown to the other couch while Matt and JB got into a full blown fist fight.

I looked frantically around, hoping that the rest of the guys had come back as well so there could be somebody besides our 160 pound guitar tech and myself to break up this smack down. However, I soon realized that Matt was the only who had decided to call it a night.

Damn ... this was just great now wasn't it?