I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

I sat quietly in the passenger seat, next to my brother, looking up at our mom's house. It was Christmas Eve and we had three days off from tour to spend with our family and such.

Our mom had hear that we were going to be back in the area so she invited every one to spend their break with her up in L.A. Hell, she even invited JB, who was sort of hesitant to go because of the fact that he's always been scared of here (apparently she gave him a piece of her mind once and he's never really forgotten about it).

Anyway, here we were, sitting in front of her house, looking like we were devising a plan to break into the joint.

"Alright, what the hell are we waiting for?" I asked, breaking the silence between Matt, Zacky, Amber and I. "Let's go inside and say what's up."

I got out and made my way through the harsh wind towards the front door. I came to a stop in front of the threshold and glanced back to see the rest of my party trudging along a few feet behind me.

"Slow pokes." I mumbled, turning back to the door to ring the doorbell.

"Just a minute." My mom called from inside.

Matt came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and started to place some soft kisses on the side of my neck. I smiled to myself and leaned back into him. I didn't dare turn around to kiss him because I didn't want my mom to answer the door, finding the two of us in the middle of some hardcore make out session.

One of his hands found their ways to one of my own and he gave it a quick squeeze.

"I love you baby." He whispered into my ear, kissing it gently.

"I love you too." I whispered back, finally giving into my urge and turned around to lock my lips with his.

I felt him smirked to himself as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. Just as I turned around to wrap my arms around his shoulder I heard the door open behind me.

"Well ... Hello you two love birds."

I instantly detached myself from Matt and turned to face my mom while my cheeks started to flush at least three shades of red. My mom just laughed and held her arms out, which I gladly rushed into.

"I missed you mom." I mumbled, hugging her tightly.

"Aww, I missed my baby girl too." She cooed, rubbing my back.

Although I was a good four inches taller than my mom and practically towered over her, I still felt the safest and most secure in her arms.

"How was the drive up?" She asked, pulling away.

"Eh, alright ... Brother kept farting like it was going out of style, that sick fuck." I said, giving him a dirty look.

"Lauren, watch your mouth." My mom said sternly, hitting me upside the head as she did so.

Zacky let out a snicker and reached over to give our mom a hug as well, sticking his tongue out at me over her shoulder.

I rolled my eyes and made my way back to the car to get my bag. I decided to grab Matt's as well when I saw that my mom had already pulled him and Amber inside, most likely to the kitchen to give them some grub.

Zacky had come over to grab his and Amber's bags, smirking like a motherfucker.

"What the hell you so smug about pretty boy?" I mumbled.

"Nothing ... Just can't wait till the rest of the gang get here so I can tell them about you getting knocked upside the head." He grinned.

"Go ahead, I don't care." I retorted. "I'll just tell them about when she threw you over her knee and spanked you ... when was that ..." I screwed my eyebrows up, looking as if I was trying to think real hard. "When she was up for Thanksgiving?"

I flashed him the biggest smirk I could muster when his smile quickly dropped and the color drained from his face.

"You wouldn't dare." He said shakily, looking at me in horror.

"Only I you do, brother." I said cheerfully, pushing past him and taking off towards the house.

When I got inside I headed straight up to my old room, dropping our bags on the bed. I shut the door and went to turn on my stereo. Soon, Genuwine's 'Differences' came pouring out of the speakers.

As I started to pull out my pajamas from my bag, I began to sing along with the song, moving my hips back and forth to the beat. I pulled my sweatshirt and t-shirt up and over my head, tossing it onto the floor and reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, tossing it to the floor as well.

"This is my story and I'm telling you; it's not fiction, it's surely a fact."

My pants dropped on top of my ongoing pile.

"Without you right here having my back I really don't know just where I'd be at."

I pulled my cami top over my head and straightened it out. As I began to reach over and grab my pj shorts I felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist once again.

"My whole life has changed since you came in, I knew back then." Matt started to rock me back and forth in his arms as he rested his head over my shoulder, singing softly into my ear. "You were that special one; I'm so in love, so deep in love."

Matt turned me around in his arms and placed his hands behind my knees, picking me p. Out of habit I wrapped my legs around his waist and snaked my arms around his shoulders. I stared into his fucking beautiful eyes as he slowly started to move in time with the music, singing the rest of the song to me.

True, some may think this little act as cheesy and I admit, there was a point in time when I though so too. But back then I was young and stupid, having not yet experienced for myself what it felt like to be loved.

And now that I do know what it feels like to be wanted, desired, and loved, I'd have to say that I thought this whole situation with Matt singing to met and such to be pretty fucking sweet ... as in 'aww, what a sweetheart' ... just to clarify that.

After the song was over and the Ying Yang Twins 'Georgia Dome' [ha ... that song's fun to dance to in the clubs ... I'm just gonna leave it at that ;) ] Matt packed me over to the bed, sitting down so that I was now straddling his lap.

He gave me his sad, puppy dog look and puckered his lips, wanting a kiss. I grinned and leaned over, pressing my lips gently to his. It wasn't an opened mouthed kiss or anything but it was still so full of passion, sincerity, and well, love.

It was the kind of kiss that'd leave you breathless yet so refreshed, shy but so fucking confident, nervous but strangely calm at the same time.

Yeah, one of those dandy motherfuckers.

Matt pulled away slowly, looking as amazed as I was feeling just then.

"Baby?" He asked softly. "Tell me your dreams."

I hesitated for a second, unsure as to what he was really asking of me to tell.

"Like ... what do you want to accomplish in life." He added, seeing the confusion on my face. "What do you want more than anything else?"

"Well ... " I trailed off, thinking what it was I really did want.

Matt brushed some f my stray baby hairs out of my face as he continued to stare into my eyes, waiting for my answer.

"I want to just be happy ... I wanna make my mom and my brother proud of me ... I wanna get married and have kids and start a family ... and I wanna ... " I trailed off, looking down at nothing in particular.

Matt grabbed my chin with his thumb and index finger, bringing my gaze back up to him.

"And what?" He whispered anxiously.

"And ... I wanna do all that ... " I paused, swallowing down the nervous lump in my throat. "With you." I finished in a barely audible whisper.

He didn't reply verbally, but the hallow look in his eyes seemed to say it all.

What the hell was I thinking? We've only been together for what ... a month and already I was saying shit like that.

Suddenly the fear that I hadn't felt for the past weeks that Matt and I have been together start to resurface. Fuck, I thought to myself, I gotta get out of here.