I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

Fuck. Tomorrow? When the fuck did Matt plan on telling me they were going back on tour? When he was actually walked out the door with all his baggage in tow?

I shook my head and looked back down at my plate.

"I gotta go pick up Zacky and Amber from the airport." I said quietly. "Can I get the keys?" I asked, not bothering to look at Matt.

"I'll go with you." He said, barely audible.

"Matt, I can drive to the airport myself." I retorted.

"Baby, I don't want you to drive in this weather."

I let out an annoyed sigh pulling my gloves back on.

"Yeah, okay, whatever." I mumbled. "Let's go, my brother's waiting for us."

I got up and went to give Johnny a hug.

"I'll see you later babe." I whispered.

"Okay." He whispered back. "And try not to kick Matt's ass too bad."

"Hmpf ... You two stay cool. Shawna, you should come over later ... I'm pretty sure we'll have a little get together or something since the guys are leaving tomorrow for tour and such."

I narrowed my eyes at Matt when I said 'tomorrow' hoping it'd make him feel even more like a douche.

"Er, alright." She said quietly, clearly not taking much of a liking to be caught in the middle of me and Matt's like 'problem.'

Matt set a twenty dollar bill out for our bill and got up as well, glancing apologetically at me. I bit my tongue to keep myself from spitting some harsh words at him and started off towards the front door.

"Bye, you two have a nice d-" The waitress stopped short seeing the glare I gave her.

I flung the door open extra hard, not really meaning too of course, and started off towards the car. The rain had let up a little and as if to make up for it there was some lightning flashing every once in a while in the distance. The wind was bitter and cold and seemed to cut straight through the cotton fibers that made up my sweatshirt.

I hugged myself, hoping that that'd make me a little warmer. I guess Matt must have seen this and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, trying to pull me against the side of him.

"Don't Matt." I mumbled, shaking off his arm.

I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye as we came to a stop on either side of the car. He unlocked his door, climbed in, and then unlocked the door for me. I climbed in and shut the door, sighing impatiently once again.

Matt started up the car and waited for it to warm up a little bit before he took off. I could feel his eyes on me as we stopped at a red light and I turned to look at him. As much as I tried to stay mad at him I couldn't ... not when he had that look on his face.

The look composed of 50% regret, 25% sorrow, 25% hurt, but 100% sincere remorse.

"Baby, why didn't you just tell me that you guys had to go back on tour again?" I asked softly, reaching over to grab a hold of his hand.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know." He mumbled. "Because I thought you'd get mad at me."

I let out a little laugh.

"Baby, why would I get mad that you're going back on tour? It's your job; it's what you love to do. Why would I get mad at you for going out and fulfilling your dream?"

He tore his gaze from me and looked down at the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I just ... fuck ... I don't wanna leave you here. But the label said that no one could go with us apart from our techs and roadies."

"It's okay; I'll just wait here all by my lonesome with nothing but my collection of vibrators to keep me company." I smirked.

At least it got Matt to smile as he started to drive once again.

"Seriously though babe, two months ain't that long. It'll be over before you know."

*************

Well, here we were over at Zacky and Amber's house once again having another sleepover. Everybody was here; well, except for Jimmy and Alyssa who were running late ... I swear those two were always late.

It looked a bit strange seeing all the guys bags piled by the front door; strange because my boyfriend was leaving tomorrow and would be gone for two months. Yet, I wasn't feeling bummed, I wasn't feeling sad, I wasn't feeling ... anything.

Was it normal to feel (or not feel) like this? I glanced over at Amber and Lissa sitting with their better halves, seeing that their usual smiles were missing. No, they were definitely bummed about the guys leaving tomorrow. I looked across the room to where Shawna and Johnny were cuddling together on the couch. Even Shawna seemed sort of depressed Johnny was gonna be gone for two months and they weren't even dating ... At least I didn't think they were ... Anyway.

That's when it hit me; I've never really experienced what it felt like to be away from the one you loved before. Well, I sort of knew what it was like thanks to those four months I was hiding out up in L.A. with my mom, scared to come back down here to Huntington and tell Matt how much I loved him. But there wasn't anything going on between us. Now that we were actually together I imaged I'd feel just like I did then, except a billion times worse.

I didn't wanna feel like that, I didn't wanna wake up without Matt there beside me every morning, and I didn't wanna sit around the phone waiting anxiously for his call every night just so I could hear the sound of his voice.

I looked up at Matt and reached up to place my hand on the side of his face. He grinned down at me but it soon dropped into a frown when he caught sight of my glossy eyes.

"Lauren, sweetie what's wrong?" He asked softly, pulling me from my spot beside him to cradle me in his arms.

"Baby, I don't want you to go." I whispered, my voice cracking slightly.

"Shh, wasn't you just telling me it'll be done before I know it?" He asked apologetically.

"Yeah ... " I sniffed. "But I just now realized how much I'm gonna miss you."

"Aww, Lauren." He sighed, holding me tighter as I started to cry into his chest. "Baby, don't cry, please don't cry."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it." I mumbled. "I need to cry so I'm gonna cry damn it."

"Shh ... I know ... It just that it kills me when you cry babe." He replied, rubbing my back to help calm me down. "And plus your brother might kick my ass because he'd think that I was the one who made you cry." He added with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Well." I sniffed, pulling away to look at him. "You kinda are the reason why I'm crying."

He flashed me a little half smile and started to wipe the tears away. Once he rid my face of the tears he reached over and kissed me softly on the lips.

As he pulled away the front door opened up and we all turned to see who it was. Alyssa came stumbling in; not because she was drunk or anything, but because she was packing what looking like a zillion bags with her. Somehow she managed to kick the door shut behind her and let the bags fall to the floor along side the rest of the pile that was already formed.

"Damn, Jimmy thinks he needs to bring that much stuff with him on a two month tour?" Lissa laughed.

"Oh, no." Alyssa sighed, plopping down beside me and Matt. "Half of it's my stuff too."

"Your stuff?" Amber asked, cocking her head sideways to look at her. "I thought that nobody could go on the tour but their roadies and shit."

"Merch girl." Alyssa mumbled, looking a bit unhappy about it. "Since Lauren didn't wanna do it, I got stuck with the lovely job of sitting behind a table for a good four hours, being hit on by immature little boys. It's gonna be awesome." She said sarcastically.

"Since I didn't wanna do it?" I asked. "When was I even asked to do it?"

Alyssa shrugged her shoulders.

"Zacky begged me to do it because he said Lissa and Amber had to stay and take care of the shop and that you flat out refused to go with them."

"Hmm ... I see." I said, looking around for him. "Hey ... Where's Jimmy at?"

"I don't know ... He dropped me off and told me to take the bags inside and then he took off again ... That damn lazy ass."

I got up and started to take off in search of my idiotic brother.

"Lauren, where are you going?" Matt called after me.

"To the bathroom."

After looking around downstairs and not finding a single sign of my brother, I figured that he was up in him and Amber's room. Sure enough, that's where I found him. He was digging through the dresser with his back towards me as I walked in.

"Zacky, did you not want me to go with you guys or something?" I asked, completely scaring the hell out of him.

"Ah, you son of a bitch!" He screeched, staring at me in horror. "Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!"

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What's up?" He asked, trying to play it cool.

"Why is it that guys always think they have to lie about stupid stuff?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Zacky, why did you say that I didn't wanna take care of the merch for you guys? You know that I'm not doing anything so why'd you beg Alyssa to do it?"

"You're just jealous because you're gonna have to be away from Matt for two months." He said replied.

"Brother, I'm not jealous, I'm trying to get you to think about Alyssa because she clearly don't wanna do it. You know she was planning to use her winter break and study for her exams. Those mean a lot to her; if she does good she'll get into the nursing program over here." I protested.

"I just don't want you to go." Zacky mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because ... You'll probably just get in the way." He said stiffly.

'Get in the way?' The way of what? It's not like they did anything on the bus and if he was talking about me getting in the way during a show, what the fuck? I was gonna be sitting behind a merch booth while they were doing a fucking show.

"You're stupid." I said bluntly, turning to head back downstairs.

"You're stupid." He retorted, following me out of the room.

"Shut the fuck up you damn asshole."

"Quit crying around then you little cry baby." He said, following me down the steps.

"God, you're so dumb, I'm not cryin' around. I was just trying to get you to agree to something that'd work out better for everyone."

Everyone stopped to look at us as we walked into the living room.

"Why can't you just be happy staying here?" He asked.

"Damn it! I am happy staying here! Now leave me alone." I said, shoving him angrily.

"Don't push me." He said, pushing me back.

"Don't fuck with me Zacky." I warned.

"Or what? You're gonna beat me up? Go back to the old Lauren that we all loved oh so-"

Zacky sort of stared at me in shock, holding the side of his face where I hit him before he snapped out of it and hit me back. Don't be shocked that Zacky actually hit me; we've gotten into fist fights plenty of times before.

"Fucking snatch." I spat, narrowing my eyes at him.

And that's when it got into a full blown fist fight. I somehow managed to tackle him to the ground where I started to punch him as hard as I could, where ever I could.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my middle and lifted me up and away from my brother.

"Lauren, that's enough." Matt said as I kicked around in an attempt to get away from him.

"Get off me." I said harshly, pushing his arms away from me.

"Damn it Lauren." He said mumbled, grabbing a hold of my arm when he saw that I was just trying to get back over to Zacky who was clutching his nose rather tightly.

"He's the one who started it." I snarled. "I was fine and cool with everything but he just had to be a fucking macho man ... And fucking let me go." I added.

"Fucking knock it off Lauren." Matt said sternly. "Now sit the fuck down and let me look at your head."

I shot my brother a dirty look and took a seat on the couch, letting Matt examine the cut on my forehead.

Matt's POV
Lauren shot Zacky an extremely dirty look before she reluctantly took a seat on the couch. I sighed and stole a quick glance around the room; everybody still seemed kind of in awe about what had just happened.

They knew what Lauren was capable of; believe me they've heard the story of when she beat me up a million times over. But this was the first time they've actually 'seen her in action.'

I quickly checked Lauren's cuts, making sure that none of them needed stitches. Luckily none of them did so I picked her up and brought her to the bathroom to clean them up for her.

On the way out of the living room I noticed that Zacky was gone, as was Amber. I shook my head and wondered why, why, he had insisted on taunting Lauren like that. And why did he lie about her declining to go with us?

After I had gotten Lauren's little cuts taken care of I brought her back into the living room. Everybody seemed to recover from the extreme smack down that had just took place in the living room and they were now starting up a game of Twister. Yeah ... Twister.

I saw that Zacky still didn't make it back but Amber did. She glanced up and saw me questioning her with my eyes where Zacky was.

'In the room.' She mouthed.

I nodded my head and laid Lauren down on the couch.

"Are you sure you're feeling fine babe?" I asked softly.

"Yeah." She mumbled. "I'll survive. It's not like Zacky and I haven't gone at it before."

"I know." I said, kissing her lips gently. "But this is the most extreme fight I've ever seen between you two."

She shrugged her shoulders and looked away. I kissed her one more time and stood up, heading upstairs to Zacky and Amber's bedroom. I found him sitting on the bed just hanging up his cell. He glanced up at me and then looked away, already knowing how dumb his actions were.

"Save it Matt." He mumbled. "I know I'm a dumb ass and I don't really know why I taunted her like that."

"Oh ... I see. Actually, what I was wonder was why you don't want Lauren to go with us." I said quietly, taking a seat beside him.

He shook his head, tossing his phone onto the bedside table.

"Come on Zacky. I heard what you told Lauren earlier, about only getting in the way."

"How'd you hear that?"

"Well, you sort of yelled it at her."

"Oh."

"But dude, you and I know perfectly well that she wouldn't get in the way or anything. So what's the real reason why don't wanna bring her."

Zacky let out a long sigh, finally looking up at me.

"Fine, I'll tell you ... But you have to swear not to tell Lauren." He said so seriously it wasn't even funny.

"Um ... Okay." I said slowly.

"Matt you fucking swear?"

"Yeah man." I said.

"Alright ... "
End of Matt's POV