Take This To Heart

I think Alex suspected something when he noticed that I was zoned out when he came in. "Hey…" He muttered. I didn't look at him. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that." He let out.

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" He scoffed. "You just witnessed the suicide of a nine year old boy!"

I shrugged again. It was quickly becoming my sign. "S'not like it’s never happened before…"

Alex looked confused. "Someone else killed themselves before…and you saw that?" His voice was shaking, uneasy.

I looked away. "It's not uncommon in my life."

"But that doesn't make it right." Alex said boldly.

It's a lie to say that I didn't shrug again.

“Alex?” I asked.

“Yeah?” He asked. His brown eyes focused on me.

“Have you ever woken up and thought that your life was meaningless? Ever?”

He sucked in air through his teeth. “Phoenix, I hate what you went through and I know you hate it too, but you can’t think of yourself as nothing.”

“Stop preaching.” I demanded. “I’ve been preached too so many times I don’t even care anymore. Just…have you?”

He nodded. “Have you?” He countered, then shook his head and said, “Stupid question. Sorry Envy.”

I nodded. If I went through with what I planned, I’d only have a few more hours. I wanted to make everything right before I offed myself. I wanted to forgive everyone. “Its okay. Do you mind if I rest. Its kinda been a long day…” I looked from him to the flower clock that rested above Emma’s TV. It read three thirty.

He nodded and shoved his hands deep in his pockets before giving me a sad smile at me and leaving, closing the door behind me.

Alone, I turned the song to “It’s Not Your Fault” by New Found Glory. Tears leaked between my closed eyelids and onto the pillow. I’d put my plan into motion one in the morning. By then, everyone would be asleep and it would be easy to sneak out. Even easier to kill myself. Everyone would be asleep; no one would notice anything.