Past Lives

This sucked.

This really sucked.

This really, really sucked.

I was in love with Ads. I knew I was. With how much I thought about her, there was no way I wasn't in love with her. She haunted my mind, my dreams. We had been through so much through college. We met at orientation and had hit it off. She was a lifelong Bruins and Red Sox fan - of course we had gotten along.

She had been by my side when I was drafted. We had celebrated that night. We had...alright, that wasn't critical, but I remembered the Draft Day Sex like it was yesterday. Regardless of that, I still knew that deep down, Ads had some feeling for me.

She had to.

Seeing her run around with Max had been killing me. I wanted to beat the shit out of him and win her back. I wanted to tell him that she was mine and he couldn't have her. Too bad I had my own girlfriend to worry about. That dulled in importance with the return of Ads, though.

Being at her house at 4 am, seeing her in pj's, still half asleep sent memories coursing through my body. I had wanted to pull her into my arms right then and make everything up to her.

I knew she'd never let me.

As I sat in the locker room after the win against the Sabres, all I could think of was how badly I missed the days at BC after a win. Ads (and Jamie) would come downstairs and hang with us. I'd pull her into a hug, she'd congratulate me and we'd make out in a corner. Jamie would pall around with Scuds or Brian. But mostly, I would take in the victory with the woman I loved beside me.

That was all gone.

I heard Army speak up then. "Come on, Max. How many others are on speed dial?"

That was what killed me the most about Max and Ads - he was probably playing her and she didn't deserve that at all.

"Seriously, guys! I haven't been talking to anyone else. I...I'm crazy about Ads."

I threw my tape into my bag. Yeah, well...so am I. I was going to have to figure out a way for this to all work out. I needed to make up with Ads before it was too late. I didn't want to lose her. Regardless of what she had said that afternoon, I knew she was still in love with me. I could tell.

Bugsy walked out from the shower, not looking at me. He knew I'd tell the entire team - and his wife - if he screwed up. I couldn't believe he had done that to Jamie. Jamie and I hadn't always gotten along, but she didn't deserve that. Not at all.

Scuds was smiling ear to ear. I threw a balled up sock at him. "What's got you so happy?"

He smiled. "I'm hanging out with Jamie tonight."

"Any other reason?"

"Don't worry about it."

I was confused. Was something going on that I was unaware of?

Scuds looked at me. "Brooks..." I waited. He said, "You're in love with Ads, aren't you?"

I didn't want to say anything. Scuds knew me better than that, though. "Orps?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah." I didn't look at him. "I really am, Scuds." I put my stuff away and Rob came up behind me.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but..." He took a breath. "Say something to her."

"Say something to who?"

I looked up to see my wonderful girlfriend smiling at me. "Say something to who, baby?"

You've got to be kidding me.