Listen To Your Heart.

I slammed the front door once I had walked inside, muttering a few curse words under my breath. All I could think about was them, her arms around him, his lips; those beautiful lips touching hers for just a second but feeling as though forever had pasted. I was all of a sudden just another person in the crowd, a fan, a follower. I was nothing to him anymore; I was nothing to any of them.

He simply looked at me like I wasn’t real, like I was a stranger he had pasted in the supermarket. Tears dug in my eyes and I sobbed quietly, I closed my eyes and took control of my breathing. I brushed away my tears and thought about the field he had taken me to. The promise that he had engraved in the tree; us forever, it was all bullshit.

There was a soft knock at my door, I sighed and opened the door to find Danny with a smile on his precious face and a bunch of red gerberas in hand. “I have something I need to say, but where’d you get to tonight? I came over but you weren’t here.” He pulled me into a hug, my voice was a whisper. “Gig” I pulled away and walked inside, Danny followed me. “Which band?” he asked worriedly, he knew the answer he just didn't want to accept it. “My boys” was all I replied with.

His eyes showed pain, he had become accustomed to seeing me in pain but seeing him ache was new to me. “Look Danny-” “I understand.” He muttered, I looked at him but he had averted his eyes to the ground. “I don’t expect you to understand why I went. I just” I paused, trying to find the right words. “You needed to see him.” He whispered, sitting down on the couch. “I can see you hurting Belle because of him; I see what power he has in your life. It hurts to see you like this” I sat next to him.

“I never wanted to hurt you or be a burden.” He shook his head, “You’re not a burden, you’re the best part of my day”. My chest was heavy, when I looked at Danny all I saw was John and Grace; all I saw was the two of them. I contained the sob that was rising in my throat, I was broken beyond repair; I really was. “It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t gone and replaced me with Grace” I whispered, Danny sighed. “How could anyone replace you? He doesn’t realise what he is missing”.

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder; I was tired of feeling second best. “You had something you wanted to say, what was it?” I asked. He chucked the flowers on my coffee table and sighed heavily. “It was stupid anyway” he shrugged; I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. “Please tell me” He looked down at his hands and started to chuckle and shake his head. “I love you” he whispered, “I love you”

I stared at him bewildered. Danny couldn’t love me; he could do so much better than someone like me, someone who is broken into so many pieces. He deserved someone who could give him there heart, not someone who had already given away their heart and all their love. “No matter how much I fight the urge I can’t deny the fact that I’m-” he paused and breathed out sharply, “That I’m in-love with you”

I rested my head in my hands; “Don’t, I’m not good enough for you Danny” he looked at me and grabbed my face with his hands so I was looking into his eyes. “Don’t you dare say such a thing Belle Evelyn, any guy would be lucky to have you” I started to sob. “I’m broken and busted and I might never get better” I stated.

Danny pulled me into his warm arms, his arms that screamed safety. I just wanted to be held, I wanted him to fix everything. More than that I wanted John, I want him to tell me everything would be okay; even if it wouldn’t. I want him to sing me to sleep when I had nightmares because lately they were all I was having.

“I’ve screwed up once Danny, I don't want to lose you with a stupid mistake like how I lost John.” I sobbed into his chest, he held me tighter. Danny sighed; he didn’t speak because he most likely didn’t know what to say; how do you comfort someone that was lost everything with a stupid mistake? Tell them it’ll be okay? Tell them to keep their head up and move forward? Nothing was going to help; nothing would help a person who didn’t want to be helped.

“The difference between John and me is that I wouldn’t let you run away, I wouldn’t give you a reason to leave.” his voice was soft but nothing like John’s. “Danny, please don’t love me” he sighed again, he squeezed me tight. “I do though Belle. I know you’re heart belongs to John, I know that” I pulled away, still with tears in my eyes. “Then how can you love me when you know my entire heart belongs to him?” He grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes. “Because I keep hoping, that maybe just maybe you might fall for me, like I fell for you.” My eyes stung, he wiped away my tears. “I could be good for you Belle, if you gave me the chance. I could take away all your pain; I promise I would if you let me.” I shook my head; my voice didn’t rise above a whisper.

“I’m like poison Danny, I’m not good. Not now anyway” I stood up and really looked at him, he was handsome and strong and he could take care of me; but I didn’t want someone who was strong or handsome. I wanted John, I wanted his lanky body and his beautiful face; but more than anything I wanted his soothing voice.

“You should go Danny, it’s getting late” he nodded and stood up closing the distance between us. He leaned down so his lips hovered above mine; I turned my head to the side. “Sweet dreams” he whispered, I could hear the misery in his voice. He walked out of my apartment and left me with a wrenching feeling in my stomach. As soon as he was gone I hunched over struggling to breathe. I cried out for the same thing all night long,

John.