Listen To Your Heart.

We sat still for a couple of minutes; John’s rapid breathing was all the sound that was made. He turned the ignition on and we listened to the rumble of the car, his hand shook as it reached for the gear stick. It hovered just above still shaking, every ounce of sadness I had was washed away by this sight. The one person I loved most was hurting so much that he couldn’t come to even speak, let alone move. I put my hand on top of his and lowered it, when the car was in gear I held his hand tight.

I didn't speak or even whisper, nothing that could be said would change anything. So I just held his hand tighter and tighter with every minute that passed until he was ready to go. He lurched the car out of the drive way and down the street. When we got to the traffic lights he finally squeezed my hand back, I started to cry gently. I didn't want to upset him anymore than he already was, my heart broke though.

We passed an elderly lady walking down the street with her husband. John just stiffened in his seat. When we got to the hospital he took a deep breath and got out of the car, I walked over to him and entwined our fingers. We walked through the corridors in silence; I just wished she’d be okay. When we got to her door John stopped, I pulled him close for a hug. He hugged me back for a minute or so then stood back up straight. He took a deep breath and smiled, god I was hoping she was okay.

When we walked in she seemed content yet bothered, puzzled almost. She smiled as soon as she saw John. “John come here and see your dear old gran” he walked to her side and hugged her, he didn't want to let go. “Belle, I haven’t seen you in a long time m’dear. Let me look at you” I walked to her and took hold of her hands, she smiled. “Simply stunning” yes, she was having good day.

She spoke to Shane for a while about baseball and Ross about College. When they ran out of things to talk about she asked to see me by herself, John looked at me and smiled. I took the seat next to her and she grabbed my hands. When the rest of John’s family had left she looked at me and stopped smiling. “I’m dying Belle, every minute I’m closer to death” my bottom lip quivered. I went to speak but she shushed me. “Just listen my dear” she took a breath in. “I need you to take care of my John, he means so much to me.” She smiled again, but I knew she was in pain.

“I see myself so much in you, and I see so much of my husband in John. Take care of him for me, I’ll miss him dearly” tears started streaming out of my eyes, I nodded repeatedly. “I always knew you and my John would end up being together, it was just meant to be” I smiled through my tears. “Wipe those tears away m’dear, put on a brave face for John. He need’s you very much to be strong, please do that for him” I nodded and kissed her brittle old forehead.

John walked in and smiled. “We have to go Nan, visiting hours are over” she sighed and John kissed her forehead delicately. I took hold of John’s hand, when we were at the door she coughed. “John” he smiled at her. “Yes” she looked at me. “Marry that girl already” I blushed and John chuckled. “I’ll see you tomorrow Nan, love you” we walked down the corridor and John was actually laughing.

I think I realised how much I actually loved him then. So I smiled.