I Couldn't Be More Afraid

Throughout warm ups, I could tell that Marc was distracted; his eyes barely came off of me. That’s what he got for not calling me and barely texting me for days after that kiss. I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed the kiss; he proved to me that fireworks really did exist, but it was all part of his game. I knew that the only way to win the game was to play harder than he did. Any time that I made eye contact with Marc, I would make sure to turn to Jake and smile. Marc had no idea that Jake was just a friend or that he was in a serious relationship with a girl that wasn’t me.

“So, why couldn’t Leah come with you tonight?” Jake asked, implying that he knew it was a lie.

“She’s busy,” I responded.

“Busy? Or are you trying to make someone jealous?”

“A girl could have won the contest.”

“Really, Layla?” Jake laughed, “you asked trivia questions that you knew none of the girls in the bar would know and when I won, you two looked at each other as it if was absolutely perfect.”

“Aren’t guys supposed to be oblivious to all of that?”

“You’re ignoring the question, Layla.”

“Fine, Jake, you got us.”

“So what’s going on with him?” he asked motioning towards the players exiting the ice.

“I have no idea,” I responded honestly, “a few days ago, he stopped talking to me out of nowhere. He was probably messing around on the road, I don’t know, we went on two dates.”

“Can I tell you something honestly?”

“Umm ok…”

“Rich guys in the NHL don’t go to small bars on Long Island just because they’re bored.”

“Some people just like the game,” I responded.

Jake realized that there was no way that he was going to win with me. Besides the fact that I am incredibly stubborn, I also believed that I was just a game to Marc. I had a lot of respect for him; since I started working at the bar, I had overheard a lot of conversations about guys playing the game…but he was among the best at it. Once the guys were off the ice, I started to text Leah telling her that our plan was working out better than planned. One of the texts I received wasn’t from Leah, it was from Dubi.

Dubi: what are you doing?
Me: ?
Dubi: bringing a guy to the game? Marc’s pissed.
Me: his own fault. Wearing your jersey too.

I didn’t get anything back after that. My plan was working well though; Marc cared enough about Jake being with me that he commented to his teammates. It didn’t make sense though, why was he allowed to fool around, but I couldn’t hang out with another guy. When giving me the details about the tickets, Marc never mentioned doing anything after the game; I decided when Jake asked me if he would meet the team, that I would only take him somewhere if Marc personally asked. I felt bad because I knew that Dubi was going to be asking, possibly even on Marc’s behalf, but I refused to say yes to him.

They were playing the Panthers and it wasn’t the most exciting game as the Rangers dominated the ice. Biron was in the net and the young kids were getting more minutes on the ice as the game went on. It was still fun to watch; of course, as usual, Marc had the most minutes of all the defensemen. Luckily, he stayed focused on the game and didn’t even look into the stands. The final score was 3-1 Rangers and when the boys walked off the ice, it was obvious that they were happy with their third consecutive win. After their disappointment from last season, this was a team with a mission. I looked over at Jake sitting next to me and I could tell he really wanted to meet the guys and I was his key to get there. I was sure that he had met Marc, Erik, and Dubi at the bar, but this was different.

Jake and I waited until the Garden had mostly emptied before we started heading out. My cell phone rang as we started to walk out and sure enough, it was Marc. I looked at it for a minute and then looked at Jake and his face told me to answer it.

“Hi,” I said as though the phone call were the most normal thing.

“So are you coming out with us?” he asked as if I should have already been there.

“That doesn’t sound like much of an invitation.”

“Because I know there’s a change of clothes in your bag.”

“Where am I meeting you?” I responded wondering when things changed between us. He always made it sound like I should want to be around him, but this time it was more frustration. He didn’t have the right to be upset with me, this was his doing. He was right though, I did pack a cute shirt for the bar and I told Jake to wear something under his jersey. When I hung up the phone, I didn’t even have to tell Jake who it was an he removed the jersey to reveal a flattering black polo…if he didn’t have a girlfriend, I might have considered breaking my number one rule.

“Wait here while I go change, then I’ll take you down to the cars,” I told Jake before going into the bathroom and changing into a formfitting blue off the shoulder long sleeve top, taking my hair out of its ponytail and fixing my makeup. I walked out and Jake looked at me, smiling and making a comment about how I looked more like what he was used to. I led him past security, past the press, and towards the underground garage where the players parked. Marc was standing alone next to his car; most of the other cars were already gone. He watched as I walked closer, his eyes traveled from me to Jake and back to me again.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked walking over to him.

“Already at the bar, I was waiting for you,” he responded.

“This is my friend, Jake.”

“Marc. Nice to meet you, Jake,” he said shaking Jake’s hand and then walking over to the driver’s seat. I tried to hide my disappointment that I didn’t get even a hug from him; he acted like he didn’t care that I was there, but he called me and invited me. Just when I thought I was winning the game, Marc took the lead away.

The car ride to the bar was awkwardly silent; I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that I should have sat in the back with Jake…not that it would have been any less awkward. Maybe after a few drinks, I would be able to have a real conversation with him. We finally got there and walked inside; Dubi greeted me with a big hug and I introduced him and a few of the other guys to Jake. I walked over to the bar to get a drink and saw that Jake was chatting with Dubi, EC, and a couple of the other guys; I could hear their conversation and Jake couldn’t have been quicker to talk about Brittany, his girlfriend. Dubi gave me a look that said “we need to talk, now” as I took my drink from the bartender.

The bar had a couch in the back corner that was unoccupied, so I went over there and sat down by myself. It wasn’t long before Brandon Dubinsky took a seat next to me; I continued to sip at my Long Island Iced Tea (I needed something strong that night) waiting for him to say the first words. I knew that it was going to have something to do with Jake and Marc and more things that I really wouldn’t know how to respond to.

“So your date has a girlfriend.”

“No one said he was my date.”

“You showed up with a guy and made sure Marc saw you with him. What kind of games are you playing?”

“I’m not the only one playing games…”

“I really don’t get you two,” he said before standing up and walking away. What did he mean by that? He was with Marc during the days when he didn’t talk to me, so he knew better than I did what was going on. Sitting alone was actually pretty enjoyable; I was watching girls throw themselves at the guys and most of them seemed completely uninterested, except for Marc, he was very obviously flirting. I finished my first drink and looked up to see Marc walking over to me; he handed me a Long Island Iced Tea and said “thought you could use another,” before walking back over to his friends. I looked up at him and he didn’t even turn his head back at me.

After a few minutes, I got up and walked back over to where Dubi and Jake who were standing with Dan Girardi and Ryan Callahan; he introduced me to both of them and I could tell that they knew who I was. Next to them were Ryan’s fiancé Kyla and Dan’s wife, Pam; the two of them introduced themselves and started talking to me. Both of them were super sweet and I actually started enjoying myself just talking to the girls; there was nothing awkward about the conversation. Jake then came over to me and said that he had to go because he was getting up early the next morning for work; I gave him a quick hug goodbye and he left. I thought about leaving with him, but Kyla and Pam both told me to stay.

“That couch in the corner is free,” Kyla said pointing to where I was sitting earlier.

“Come on, let’s sit,” Pam added, “you have no idea how happy I am to be out right now. I love being a mom, but Landon’s a handful sometimes.”

I laughed and followed them to sit down. Pam talked about Landon, he was entering the terrible twos and starting to teethe. I found new parents to be adorable, so I loved just listening to all of her stories. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see where the guys were and Marc was still flirting with those girls and I noticed him casually glancing over at us every once in a while. He and Dubi were the only single ones and Dubi was still recovering from finding out that his girlfriend cheated on him while he was on the road. Then out of nowhere, the attention turned to me.

“So Layla, what’s going on with you and Marc?” Kyla asked.

“To be honest, I don’t know. When I left my house tonight, I didn’t know if I would even talk to him…and I still haven’t.”

“Didn’t you drive here with him?” Pam asked.

“Yeah, and not a word was said.”

“Ryan said he’s never seen Marc like this before and they’ve been playing together for years. I was on the road with them for the past couple of weeks and Marc seemed so uninterested in all of the other girls around him.”

“That’s why we made you stay,” Pam said, “not that we don’t enjoy your company, we do, but we think that you and Marc really need to sit down and talk.”

“He brought me a drink and didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe he wanted you to ask him to sit….Pam, it looks like Ryan and Danny are ready to go,” then she turned to me, “look Layla, we’d love to see more of you, so talk to Marc and figure things out.”

“Thanks,” I said, standing up to give them each a hug and a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye, then I sat back down again. I made eye contact with Dubi across the room and saw him turn to Marc. It had been over an hour since Marc brought me that last drink and it was already past midnight. I knew that I should leave, but as I got up, I noticed Marc walking over to me. He sat down on the couch and again we were stuck in an awkward silence.

“Are you going to sit there quietly again?” I asked, with a bit of an attitude.

“Where’d your date go?” he responded.

“Why do you care?”

“You normally come with Leah, I just expected to see her.”

“I can give you her number if you want it.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just didn’t expect to see you with a guy, that’s all.”

“He has a girlfriend. He’s a regular at the bar and when Leah couldn’t come, we gave the ticket away to the winner of a trivia game last night.”

“So it had nothing to do with me?”

“Not everything has to do with you, Marc.”

“What’s your problem tonight?”

“What are you talking about? You haven’t said more than two words to me all night…or in the past few days for that matter.”

“I don’t want to talk about this here.”

“Talk about what? You invited me out, I came out with you and your friends and I had a really nice night. I think I should head home now.”

“Come home with me.”

“I am not sleeping with you.”

“I didn’t ask you to…but we both know you want to,” for the first time that night I was seeing the Marc that I recognized. I couldn’t help but laugh as he smirked at me. He told me that he just wanted to talk and asked me to come back to his apartment with him; he also promised that he would pay for a cab back to Penn Station whenever I wanted to leave. I reluctantly agreed to go.