It Was You All Along

My cheeks were starting to cramp up from all the laughing I was doing. We were in front of Jared’s apartment door, and he was so excited that he was struggling with the keys to get them in the door. That, and the whole ride there, he couldn’t stop making me laugh. He was always the first one to make me smile when I had a bad day. That’s what was so awesome about him. I honestly don't know what my life would be like or where I would end up if Jared wasn't in it.

Jared finally got the door open and stood to the side of the doorway to let me in first. I sent a light smile his way as a thank you. Before I even had time to plop down on his couch, he sped to the kitchen and started digging through the cabinets. “Let’s get this party started, baby!” He yelled.

I slowly walked the short way from the living room to the kitchen, an amused smile grazing my lips. “Jared, I already told you I didn’t want to get drunk tonight. I’m just not in the mood.” I leaned over the counter and propped up my elbows, resting them on top of each other.

Jared turned around to look at me, holding a bottle of un-opened red wine in his hands with a smirk on his face. “I know, but just because you don’t want to drink doesn’t mean that I don’t want to.” His smile widened as he grabbed a cork screw from one of drawers and stabbed it in the cork, his eyes never leaving mine.

“You know that every time you drink I have to have some, right?” I asked, the smile never leaving my face.

“Yup. I know.” The smirk on his face grew as he took a drink from the wine bottle. I rolled my eyes at him. Then I got up and got two glasses from his cabinet and set them down on the counter next to where Jared was.

Without saying anything or breaking eye contact, he took the two glasses. He poured wine into the first one and gave it to me. The next one he poured for himself. He set the wine bottle down and raised his glass up for a toast. Our glasses clanked and we took a long drink.

Let the fun begin.

***

After Jared and I had a few glasses of wine, we sat down on his couch and watched a movie that was on TBS. I didn't even know what movie was on. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to cuddle up to Jared, and I had no idea why. I just suddenly had this urge to be close to him. Even though we were already so close that our legs were touching, it wasn't enough for me. I needed to feel more of him on me.

Maybe it was the buzz from the wine that was making me think like that. That had to be it. I was in love with Derek, not Jared. I only happened to be at Jared’s house because I was waiting for that simple phone call from Derek to let me know when I could go home.

I love Derek. I love Derek. I love Derek. I love Derek.

I kept reminding myself that the person I was actually in love with was Derek, not Jared. I couldn't love Jared. We were just friends. Always have, and always will be.

I love Derek. I love Derek. I love Derek. I love Derek.

I took a peek from the corner of my eye to look at Jared’s face. His profile was beautiful. His nose pugged up the slightest bit at the end, giving it a cute shape. His wavy hair fell over his left eye beautifully, even though I could still see some of his eye through strands of hair. His chest was slowly moving up and down in sync with his breathing. Jared had a nice chest. He worked out at the gym regularly, mostly to check out the cute guys there, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t try to impress them by buffing up a bit.

My eyes trailed down his chest and reached his jeans. I suddenly noticed how the button of his jeans looked like it was about to pop off, probably from the way he was sitting. He had one leg crossed on top of the other; the manly way, not like how girls sit. It made his bulge look bigger than it normally is.

'WHY AM I LOOKING AT THAT?!' I thought.

I quickly averted my eyes back to the television and away from Jared. My body tensed as I realized that I was just checking him out. I was just checking my best friend out!! I kept my eyes set on the television, even though I wasn’t really watching the movie.

I love Derek. I love Derek. I love Derek. I love-

And suddenly I was staring at a blank screen.

Confused, I was trying to figure out what was going on. Then I noticed Jared shift and uncross his legs, placing the remote on the coffee table in front of us. I didn't understand why he turned off the television.

“Jared, what-“

“I know you weren’t watching the movie, James, so don’t act like you were.” His tone was soft.

I shut my mouth and just stared at him, wondering what was wrong. He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It was quiet for a few minutes, the only sound coming from the hallway where someone was coming up the stairs and entered their apartment. Once their door closed, it got deadly quiet.

Jared sat back and looked at me with soft, serious eyes. “James, do ever see yourself with someone besides Derek?” He asked. I looked for some kind of emotion in his eyes, but they were just blank. Staring at me intently, waiting for my answer.

“No.” I lied. Jared knew I was lying, too. I just didn’t want to bring up the subject about Derek and how horrible he is again. Right then, I didn't want to think about him. I was doing perfectly fine with Jared and taking my mind off things until he had to bring that up. Well, actually up until I started checking Jared out, but let’s try to forget that ever happened.

I could finally see some emotion on Jared’s face, and by the look of it, he knew I didn’t want to talk about it. He looked down at my leg and then rested his hand on it.

My body froze.

He brought his eyes back up to meet mine. “What are you thinking about right now?”

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. All I could register was how his hand felt on my leg. And he kept it there, unmoving, like as if it were casual contact we were having.

“George Washington.” I blurted out.

What the fuck was that?

Jared looked at me like I had five heads. “George Washington. Really?” He squinted his eyes at me.

I hesitated. “Well, I- yeah…” I couldn’t look him in the eye. I was too busy staring at his hand on my leg, making that one spot warmer than all the rest.

“Tell me the truth, James.” I could sense him coming closer to my face. I still kept my gaze on his hand.

“I j-just did.” I answered. Oh yeah, like that was reassuring. I mentally slapped myself.

“I don’t think so.”

I tried to change the subject. “So what’s the update on the oil spill? I hear they still haven’t done anything about it.” I could feel my palms start to sweat.

“You and I both know that we’re not talking about a damn oil spill.” I could feel his hot breath on my face. My eyes suddenly closed and relished the feeling of his hand moving up my thigh.

I felt Jared shift in his spot, and suddenly his lips were on my cheek. My eyes shot open and looked into Jared’s soft ones. I never understood how he could be so calm while I, on the other hand, had a sworm of butterflies invading my stomach.

I guess Jared took my expression the wrong way since he began to pull away and he looked down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I held his hand in place that was about to pull away from my leg. We locked eyes for a few seconds before I was able to find my voice. “No. Don’t be.”

Jared looked down at our hands and smiled. He intertwined them before looking back up at me. I smiled back and squeezed his hand.

“James.” The smile faded away from Jared’s lips.

“Yeah?”

“I like you… a lot. I’ve liked you for a while, but you’re with Derek… and the way he treats you. It’s just so wrong.” His eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. “And it breaks my heart every time you come to me all torn apart because that asshole started up his behavior again. I mean, how can someone be so cruel? That’s not even human! I don’t care-“

Jared kept on rambling, but I wasn’t listening to any of it. All I could think about was that he liked me. He liked me!! My heartbeat increased and I could feel those butterflies in my stomach start acting up again. The whole room felt like it was spinning.

But I was supposed to love Derek. I was with Derek then, so isn't that technically cheating? I think it is… I wanted to stay faithful to him, even though he never was to me. I wanted to be the good boyfriend, in case he ever decided that he really did love me too. I love Derek. I love Derek. I love…

Fuck it.

Jared’s rambling was only contributing to the chaos in my brain, so I shut him up by kissing him full force on the lips. Or at least, that was my excuse to kiss him. And boy, did it shut him up. At first, I was extremely nervous, not sure how he would react. But as soon as he registered what was going on, I felt him start to kiss back. And suddenly, those butterflies began the multiply.

You know how people always say that when you kiss the person you love, you’ll feel sparks? Well, forget that. I felt a fucking atomic bomb blow up in my stomach.

Jared put both his hands on my face, one on my cheek and the other on the back of my head to keep me in place as the kiss deepened. It didn’t take long before our tongues were fighting for dominance. My whole mind started going blank. I was trying to register what was going on, to get the full feeling of everything, but again, all I could concentrate on was the way Jared’s lips felt on mine. How soft they were, and how he was gentle yet aggressive.

Geez, I had a problem with concentrating didn't I?

Suddenly, I felt my back hit the couch cushion and Jared’s weight was on top of me. This only made the room spin even more. What that boy could do to me…

I felt my shirt being lifted above my head, and when I opened my eyes I saw Jared didn’t have his shirt on either. We shared eye contact for a few seconds before he attacked my lips again. He started kissing my jaw, and then trailed down to my neck.

“I want you…” I faintly heard him whisper, almost as if he didn’t expect me to hear him. But I did.

I took the first initiative this time and unbuttoned his jeans before starting to slide them off. He lifted his torso up a bit to help me get them off. Jared stopped kissing me and he gave me an intense stare. I felt his fingers playing with the buttons on my pants. He silently asked me if it was okay to go further.

I smiled softly at him and said, “I want you, too.”

A grin spread across his face and he kissed me full on the lips again before going back to attacking my neck.

Before I knew it, all our clothes were off.