Misery Loves Me

The rest of the day at school passed quickly, the lessons filled with Mikey’s rambling about shopping and later on comics (his favorite topic), and the break filled with a casual conversation between Mikey, Gerard and me, me still writing in my notebook. I’m kind of excited to go shopping, but terrified at the same time. It was the first time in so long, for me to do something I should enjoy, in a public place. I can’t even remember when I’ve been to somewhere public for my own fun. It terrifies me to be in such crowded places, but I know I’ll be save with Gerard and Mikey by my side. And I think I’m gonna like it. Things are almost always fun when I’m together with the Way brothers. They’re always nice to me, and they accept me for who I am, and I’m extremely thankful for that. I still find it kind of weird that their parents want to pay for my clothes, but I’m not gonna complain, I really need some new clothes.

Finally the final bell rings, and Mikey starts rambling about shopping again, while quickly getting his stuff together, ushering me to do the same, so we can get shopping soon. As we walk to our lockers, or skip in Mikey’s case, Gerard joins us and laughs at Mikey’s girlish behavior.

“Mikey, seriously, I should be the one with the girlish features, but you act way more girlish than I’ll ever do!” He says when slapping the pouting Mikey lightly across the head. After I moment of wondering why Gerard should behave girlish, I decide to drop it and think about what I’m gonna buy instead. But when I ponder about that, I realize I’ve no fucking clue about it at all. I’ll just have to trust on Mikey and Gerard to find the nice shops, and to tell me what stuff looks the best on me. It’s weird to think that there’re people I can trust, it makes me feel all warm and good inside when I think about it.

“Come on Frank, you’re ready?!” Mikey asks while literally jumping up and down, his hands on my shoulders, guess I zoned out for a bit. I nod and Mikey runs to parking place where Gerard’s old car stands, waiting for us. When Mikey realizes we don’t follow with the same speed, he runs back, grabbing both mine and Gerard’s hand, and pulling us towards the car. Gerard laughs at this, and we all break into a run.

--

As soon as we arrive Mikey and Gerard start to walk to a certain shop straight away.

“We know exactly the shop for the most awesome clothes!” Mikey grins. “It’s got all band Tees and cool accessories, and great jackets, and it even got some cd’s! And they’ve got a real cool-“

“Mikey! Stop rambling, jeez!” Gerard exclaims, still grinning. “We’ll just show Frank, and I’m sure he likes it too.”

When we arrive at the shop, I see they were right; it does look like a real awesome shop. Not that I’ve got a lot to compare with, but still. Mikey immediately starts looking around, seeming to know his way around pretty well, while Gerard stays at my side, looking as he’s waiting for something. As I look him in the eyes, I realize he’s been waiting for me to finish looking around with an amazed expression on my face, while standing completely still.

“You ready to go to look for some clothes?” He asks me as I turn to him, I nod, and let him lead me to the pants section.

“So, we’ll start with just take a lot of different kind of pants and sizes, because you haven’t tried anything ever, right?” He looks at me questionably, I nod at him and he starts to pull out pants, looking quickly at them and then putting them back or hanging them over his shoulder. I stand awkwardly by his side, and try to figure out what to do. Should I help him? Or just let him choose, and then trying them on? I think my inner conflict took too long, because when I finally decided I’d try to help Gerard he was just standing in front of me with tons of pants in his arms.

“So, you like something else, or do you just want to try these on? Only if you like these of course, but I’ve tried to find some I think you’d like.” I nod again, relieved I don’t have to think about choosing myself, and we walk to the fitting cubicle.

“We’ll try some shirts later on, first decide on the pants.” Gerard tells me as he lightly pushes me into a cubicle. “Just try on a pair, and then show me how it looks like, alright? I’m gonna look for Mikey, and tell him he has to get his ass over here, because he needs to help us choosing. You wouldn’t guess, but he really got a nice taste in clothes.” With that he shuts the curtain and I’m all alone. I feel really awkward, changing in a room with so much people when only a thin curtain separates us. I decide to start with the pair of pants on top, and quickly change. My old pants, which have been worn by my older cousin I think, fall on the floor in a pile of fabric. The new pants are really different: While my old pants are at least two, but I think 3 or 4 sizes too big, these fit almost perfectly. My old pants had a dull brown color, while these are pitch black. And these pants got a nice cut, while my old once were just a piece of fabric which hung around you legs. I look in the mirror, admiring the pants when I heard Mikey yell outside.

“Geeraarrd! In which cubicle is Frank? I want to see how he’s doing!” I turn around and shove the curtain to the side a bit, peeking out. “Ah! There he is! Come on Frank, show us your new pants?! I wanna seeee!” Mikey grinned and almost ripped of the curtain when he tried to see the pants.

“Mikey! Easy, dude! If you’re ripping the curtains, I don’t think mom or dad are gonna pay for it!” Gerard says, pulling Mikey back, before grinning at me. “But I agree with you, come on Frank show us?” I decide I’m not longer gonna keep them waiting, and step out of the cubicle.

“Wow Frank, that’s a lot better!” Mikey says as he lets his eyes observe the pants. He motions me to turn around, and I awkwardly do so. “But I personally think you could do with a little skinnier cut.”

“Yeah, I think I agree.” Gerard says, after also inspecting my legs. I feel slightly uncomfortable with them looking at me, and judging me, but I’m still glad they’re helping me. “See? This is why we all need Mikey the Fashion-Diva!”

“HEY! I’m not a ‘fashion-diva’! I’m just great with looks. Fashion-diva makes me sound a girl.” Mikey complains, with a disgusted face. Gerard giggles at Mikey, and I find out again that I really like his giggle. It makes me feel tingly inside, and I feel a small smile coming up. But before I’m actually smiling, Gerard has stopped giggling, and Mikey pushes me back into the cubicle while stepping in himself. He closes the curtain before rummaging through the pile of pants. I look at him questionable, what is he doing in here?

“Tss, tss, Frank, you know I’m not gonna rape you or perve on you or something, I’m just gonna make sure you wear the best pants. And you’re only going outside showing Gerard, when I say it looks good on you! So, I see Gerard has grabbed real great pants, but not all these will as great on you. I think you should definitely go for some skinnies, they’ll look good on you. I’m thinking about pitch black, white and maybe blue or red for colors. Then we just have to find out which brand looks the best on you.” While telling me this, he’s sorting the pants in 2 piles, one for the good and one for the bad ones I guess. As he’s done he hands me a pair of really skinny looking white pants. How am I even gonna get my foot through that?

“Here, try these on first,” Mikey says while moving so I have some space to change. I wriggle out of the first pair of pants and struggle with getting the second pair on. I’ve to use Mikey as support, to keep me from falling. Mikey laughs at my clumsiness but helps me anyway. I feel really useless now I can’t even put on my own pants!

“Practice makes perfect!” Mikey grins as I finally got the pants on. “It took me almost a quarter of an hour the first time I put skinnies on. But it gets easier, especially when you’ve got more room that in this little cubicle. Now, look in the mirror!” I turn around and do as he says. I must admit, it looks great. Even if I don’t really like my body or legs or anything, I can see that these pants look good. It makes me feel a little more confident, there’s actually a good part of me now!

“And, what do you think?” Mikey says, looking at me in the mirror. “I think you look awesome!” I nod and feel myself getting happier. It feels strange, I haven’t been really happy for such a long time, but at the moment I don’t think about all the people at school that laugh at me, not about my parents hating me, not about me being such a fuck-up. I only see my reflection in the mirror, with pants that really look good on me, only hear Mikey’s compliments, only feel Mikey’s helping hand both physically and mentally. I feel comfortable, respected, and wanted.

“Come on! Let’s show Gerard!” Mikey says while opening the curtain and stepping outside. “Gerard! Look at Frank’s awesomeness!” I shyly follow him, step outside and spin around. As I face Gerard I see his wide eyes fixed on the pants, or rather, my legs. After a moment he speaks with a rather breathless voice:

“Fuck Frank, you look hot!” And then, I smile.