I'm Simply Leaving

Shane’s point of view.
The Cineplex.
Friday, 18:52.

“This was a stupid idea,” I muttered to myself, while pacing up and down in front of the cinema, “I never should have invited him. How stupid of me! I just know he’s going to stand me up…”

I stopped wearing a whole in the concrete long enough to check the time and groaned when I saw that he still had a few minutes. I’d been too anxious to keep sitting in my dorm room, waiting for seven p.m. to roll around, so I’d left early.

And I mean, why wouldn’t he stand me up? I’m a mess. While getting ready, I’d scrutinized over my appearance for the first time in months. Apparently I’d lost weight and I had circles under my eyes. I only got about two hours of sleep every night, so I guess the circles shouldn’t be that big of a surprise and I hardly ever ate. Now that I think about it, my clothes have been sitting a bit baggy lately.

Well, enough is enough! I’m bloody tired of this shit with Aiden ruling and ruining my life. I’ve finally found a sort-of friend. And even if I never marry or have children - I mean I know that I’m incapable of loving someone like that again - I can still have a pretty decent life. Even if what we had had meant nothing to Aiden at all, it was still the ultimate for me and even if I could come close to someone giving me a quarter of that love, I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to open my heart in that way again.

Some people will say that it was only a silly crush, but I know different. I can’t explain how I know that he was my true love, but after we’d had sex, he’d looked at me so… so lovingly and perfectly and filled with trust and devotion and in that moment I felt something deep and powerful take root in my heart.

Damn, I’m not making any sense here. It sounds stupid. Especially the fact that I only felt all of this after we’d had sex. I sound like those virgins professing their love the second after they lost it in a Mills & Boon novel.

I guess the worst part is that A) I’m a guy and saying these things is fucked up and B) that piece of shit broke my heart and I really want to hate him. Unfortunately, I just love him so damn much.

As soon as I graduate in another two years, I am telling my parents that their perfect son is gay. Payback for all the years of listening to their crap is going to be a bitch.

The thought made me smile and when I looked up, I saw Conrad heading my way. I silently thanked God for this small, but wonderful miracle that He’d sent my way.

Conrad looked very sexy in dark blue jeans that sat low and a red t-shirt that had a picture of Eric Cartman on the front. South Park was the shit.

We bought tickets for The Mechanic and got snacks from the concessions stand. I felt kind of bad for knocking Michael’s idea all those months ago when he’d asked Kayla to the movies on their first date. Here I am doing the exact same thing.

Not that this is necessarily a date… Yeah, who am I kidding?

As the lights dimmed and the movie started to play, I turned to stare at Conrad. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and we both turned forward. I really hope this movie makes me forget who I’m sitting next to. Or I won’t be able to relax. At all.