Danger Line

I stared up at the ceiling. It was two in the morning, but I still couldn’t go to sleep. I didn’t want to make any noise, so I just stayed in bed staring up at the ceiling. I drummed my fingers on my stomach and thought about the little progress Matt and I made. I still wasn’t on the path to make love to him, or to kiss him whenever I wanted to like I used to, but at least we were on a friendly level.

I closed my eyes and tried to find some sleep, but a flashback of my capture came back to me. I was on my knees and there were several men around me. All of their faces looked at me with disgust, so I was safe about being raped. But then, someone pulled my hair and I screamed in pain and I heard the slicing of something.

Suddenly the pull on my hair loosened and I realized they were cutting my long hair off. If I moved, I would probably get hurt, so I just let them cut my hair. After they cut my hair, the leader slapped me and I hit the ground. He raised his foot and it made contact with my ribcage. I curled up into a ball to protect myself, but the others hit my back making me arch and scream in pain.

I snapped opened my eyes. I was back in the room. I wasn’t in a dark cave with men beating me up. I wiped away the sweat that I had on my forehead. I looked at the clock again. 2:02 am. Had only two minutes passed? It felt like a lot longer.

I started to feel my eyelids heavy and I did fall asleep.

If I dreamt, I didn’t remember because the next thing I knew, I felt someone push my shoulder. My hand reacted instinctively and I grasped the person’s wrist’s tight.

“Ow! Fuck!” I heard Matt cry out. I opened my eyes and saw Matt with a pained expression. I quickly realized it was his wrist. I released him at once and sat up.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized. “Did I hurt you bad?” I asked and lifted his wrist to examine it. He didn’t pull away.

“Not so much. I was just surprised,” he said. “At least you slept, your eyes look a little better.”

I smiled and let him take back his wrist. I ran a hand through my hair. What if it had been Damien? I would’ve seriously injured my son. The black thought swarmed in my head most of the morning, especially when I saw the bright smile of my son. He looked so happy. So oblivious to what was happening to mommy. I liked it that way.

I wouldn’t want my son to know just how sad his mommy was.

After the quick breakfast, it was time to drop off Damien at school. My mom would pick him up since Matt and I were going to spend our day together. First at the psychiatrist and then at the studio. I didn’t want to delay anymore stuff for the band, plus being back in the music business would do me good.

Matt drove and I stayed silent in the front. Damien was busy playing his PS2. I saw the school and I saw Penny. I saw her expression as she saw our car. She looked very nervous. I sighed softly. I didn’t mean to go off on her yesterday.

Matt parked the car and I got out and took Damien out. I pecked his cheek and held a convincing smile to him.

“You behave, all right?” I told him.

“Yes, mami,” he said and pecked my cheek. “Love you.”

“I love you so much,” I held on tightly to him and then released him. I saw Penny keeping her distance from us. I looked to Matt, and he was looking at me. I smiled and made my way to Penny. She was talking to a couple. I waited until she was done.

She turned to me when she was done.

“Hello,” I said sweetly. “I want to apologize for yesterday. It was just… overwhelming.”

Penny smiled. “It’s okay, I can understand how hard it must be to be back.”

“I want to thank you for being there for Matt,” I said truthfully.

“It wasn’t any trouble.”

I glanced behind me and saw Matt inside of the car waiting for me. He didn’t look impatient, just nervous. I turned back to Penny.

“How was he?” I asked Penny. “When I was gone, how was he?”

Penny’s expression softened and gave Matt a quick glance and then turned back to me. She licked her lips.

“His eyes were… hollow. It was like someone had drained the life out of him, and I think the only reason keeping him on earth was Damien, no. I know for sure that the only reason he was alive was because of Damien.”

I pressed my lips together in a straight line.

“He loves you,” Penny said with a hint of disappointment.

I smiled warmly at her. “And he would’ve loved you if I would’ve stayed dead.” I joked and Penny just smiled a bit.

“I would’ve never owned his heart like you,” she said.

I hugged her. “You would’ve been the one to help though. I know it.”

I went back to the car and got inside. Matt looked at me with a smile.

“You’ve always been the better person,” he said and pecked my cheek.

I smiled.

In half an hour we were parked under the building where I would go meet my psychiatrist. We got out and got on the elevator and headed up to meet with Mr. Thomas. I grew worried. What would Matt tell him? What would Mr. Thomas ask Matt?

What was I going to tell Mr. Thomas? Surely not everything. I still had some parts blocked because they were so horrible.

Matt and I waited for Mr. Thomas to be done with a previous client. The waiting room was okay. There were several chairs, six in total. A coffee table in the middle with magazines of Psychology Today. I drummed my fingers on my stomach, similar like the night before.

Mr. Thomas’ door opened and out walked Eli and an elder man, who I assumed to be Mr. Thomas. My face lit up when I saw Eli. I got up from the chair and Eli saw me. He smiled and opened his arms.

“Kari!” he said happily. I walked into his embrace and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

“Eli,” I breathe out. Maybe it was a mistake considering I had my husband behind me, but with Eli I felt like he would understand why I was so weird.

“Ahem,” Mr. Thomas cleared his throat. Eli and I backed away from each other. I turned behind me and see Matt with a hard look on his face. Yeah, he did not like that embraced Eli so easily.

Matt’s Point of View

I wanted Eli to be a scrawny soldier, but he was built. And I fucking hated to admit it, but he was sight for sore eyes. Every woman’s dream. He even had dimples! That was my thing!

And the way Kari so freely embraced him? It made my blood boiled. The look of pure relief on her eyes when she saw him hit me so hard that it got my eyes watery. I controlled myself before they could see how much it had hurt me. Kari looked guilty though.

“It’s good to finally meet you, Karina,” Mr. Thomas told my wife.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Thomas,” she said back.

“Give me ten minutes to get a coffee down the hall, and I’ll be back. Meanwhile, you three can chat,” Mr. Thomas said with a glint in his eyes.

What was his plan? I stayed behind Kari, so she was between Eli and I.

“Matt, this is my friend Eli, Eli this is Matt my husband.” She said.

Eli held out his hand to meet and I shook it and nodded my head.

“He’s the one you were with for two years,” I said.

“He is,” she said.

“She said only good things about you, I swear,” Eli smiled and Kari giggled. “Well, at first she did.”

They laughed together because it was an inside joke, and I was left out. They stopped once they realized I wasn’t participating.

“What did he ask you?” Kari asked Eli with a worried look.

Eli smiled kindly at her. “Don’t worry, he’s not gonna ask what happened right away.”

She looked relieved, beyond relieved. It was like someone had lifted the world off of her shoulders. Was it really that bad? It had to be. Kari never held secrets unless it was important.

Eli turned to me. “So, Kari tells me you’re into video games.”

“I am,” I said as kindly as I could without jealousy dripping out of every word I said.

“I am too. I recently got um… Xbox 360, well it was a present from my parents,” he laughed. “I like it.”

“What games do you have?”

“Just some NFL, for now, I plan to get updated on what’s good. Do you have any suggestions?”

For the next ten minutes, Eli and I talked about video games and he told me he was a fan of the band before he met Kari and that he admired our work. He wasn’t bad, which I hated. I thought he would be a snob, but I should’ve known better. Kari wouldn’t make friends with people she couldn’t stand, and she can’t stand snobbish people.

When Mr. Thomas came back, I had to go first to talk to him. I said goodbye to Eli and kissed Kari on the lips quickly before she could avoid it. Her cheeks blushed and I just smiled at her.

Mr. Thomas’ office was ordinary. On a wall he had several awards and degrees and then rest was simple. A shelf with books and other things.

I sat down on a regular chair and he did to, so were on the same level, smart-man. He wanted people to feel comfortable, so he got them on the same level so they wouldn’t feel intimidated.

“So, Matthew, how are you?” Mr. Thomas said with a kind smile.

“It’s just Matt,” I said. “I’m good. I was bad, but now I’m good.”

“From what I gather from your friends… you were horrible. The news of Karina’s death hurt you deep.”

I grimaced internally. I licked my lips and shifted uncomfortably in my seat, which he took notice of.

“You drank a lot, up to the point where you had to take Damien to his grandparents’ home,” Mr. Thomas continued.

“I lost the love of my life. The light in my eyes and all that crap,” I muttered defensively. “What was I supposed to do?”

Mr. Thomas raised his hand to stop me. “I never said it was a bad thing. I just wanted to see how you thought you handled her ‘death’.”

“It was a very dark time for me. It was months and months before I could even function,” I said truthfully. “I… I felt like someone sucked me dry.”

Mr. Thomas just nodded telling me to continue.

I sighed deeply and I threw my head back. My eyes watered at the memory of how vacant I felt. How distant and dream-like my life felt for a very long time.