Dark and Dirty Like You've Never Seen

[Angela’s POV]

I ran as fast as I could. I could hear Frank’s footsteps getting closer behind me. What just happened back there? I couldn’t believe it. Someone actually stood up to my dad, so why am I running? I’m not really sure. I mean, Frank only did what I had fantasized about doing, but realization settled in and I knew that my life was about to enter a whole new level of hell that I had never experienced. I was confused. I wanted to jump into Franks arms and tell him how much that meant to me and yet at the same time I wanted to scream in his face and tell him that he probably just ruined my life. I didn’t know at this point, I just knew that I was running and I couldn’t stop. My vision was blurred. Partly from crying and partly from the drugs they gave me to numb the pain.

I was sure I knew where I was going. I had so much swirling around in my mind that I couldn’t hear Frank calling after me. I felt my foot catch on a raised part of the sidewalk sending me falling forward. That’s when I heard the horns and the angry cursing. I was so dizzy I just felt myself waiting for the impact of the ground. After a few seconds I opened my eyes to see that I was hanging halfway into traffic on the main road down from the hospital. That’s when I registered that there was an arm wrapped around my midsection and that I was holding my breath. I saw a sports car swerving back into the lane that I had chased him out of out of the corner of my eye. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion and at the same time it was happening all at once.

I gasped as I felt Frank pulling me back onto the sidewalk. I snapped my eyes shut, waiting for something to happen. After a few seconds I slowly opened my eyes, and found myself wrapped in Frank’s arms; his back was to the building on the corner of the street, his breathing was heavy and shaking. His eyes were shut tight. The look on his face made my heart sink. He looked like a scared little boy waiting to be told that the monsters were gone. He was waiting on me.

“Frank…” I looked up at him, my face just inches from his.

He slowly opened his eyes and stared down at me, worry painted all over his face. That only lasted for a second when anger took over. He let go of me and put his hands on either of my shoulder, holding me at arm’s length.

“What were you thinking? Why did you run from me? Angela? Answer me!”

“I don’t …” I shook my head feeling dizzy again.

“Why, Angela? Please.”

“I don’t know! I’m really confused… I don’t even know what just happened. Let me think for a minute.” I snapped at him. Tears began to prick the corners of my eyes again. His hands fell to his sides. I turned around and started walking back to the hospital to Frank’s car. I assumed that he was right behind me. By the time we made it back to the car, I had managed to compose myself. He walked up beside me and unlocked my door, letting me slide into the passenger seat. He climbed into the driver’s seat but didn’t turn the car on. I sighed and turned to look at him. He was sitting there staring at his hands in his lap. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask him so I just started with the one question plaguing me.

“Why did you do it?” I saw Frank look over at me with a facial expression I couldn’t read.

“Why did you lie?” He continued to stare at me with that hard to read expression. I swallowed hard but didn’t break eye contact.

“I didn’t.”

“So you really hit Aaron?”

“Yes.”

“Angela, please don’t lie to me. What happened at your house?”

“I’m not lying. That really did happen.”

“So what about your dad? I know something happened Angela. Why didn’t you say something? You could have done something about it.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t stop him. You don’t know anything about my life or why I am the way I am, so don’t just think you can waltz into my life and know how it works because you don’t know shit about me!” I turned and yelled at him. I couldn’t stop the anger that had boiled up inside of me. I didn’t want to be mad at him, but my life was already screwed up enough without the help of anyone else. I saw the pained expression that crossed his face, his cheeks turning red and his beautiful hazel orbs pierced my green ones, but I managed to hold my composure.

“Then why don’t you tell me. What’s so fucked up about your life that you can’t just tell me? Help me understand.”

“Frank, it’s not just something I can explain. It’s going to take longer than a car ride home. Why should I tell you anyway? I don’t know anything about you. As far as Im concerned, your life is perfect. Nothing bothers Frank fucking Iero.”

He sat there in silence. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it again. Instead he turned his attention to the steering wheel and turned the car on. He put it in drive and quickly made his way out of the hospital parking lot. I grabbed on to the door handle in order to stop sliding around in my seat from the quick turns he was taking.

“Jesus Frank, where are you going?”

He continued to drive without answering me. We were soon on the back roads on our way out of Belleville. I felt my heart begin to race. Where was he taking me? How do I make him stop? I didn’t know what to feel. The normal response would be fear. My breathing may have quickened, yet it seemed to be more of an exciting thrill. Though he was driving like a mad man, I felt safe with him. I had to think rationally though, despite what I thought I was feeling.

“Frank, seriously if you don’t answer me, I swear to God, I’m jumping out of this car.” About that time, Frank pulled the car off on the side of the road. He put the car in park and shut it off. “Where are we?”

“Get out of the car.” He opened his door, got out of the car and started walking towards the woods that seemed to spread out to our left.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere. I’m not moving.” I crossed my arms and stared straight ahead.

“You’re not going to open up to me because you don’t know me. Well, if you want to get to know me then come on.”

I sat there for one stunned moment before opening the car door and stepping out. He walked over and grabbed my hand and began leading me back into the wooded area. Part of me thought I should be nervous, even scared. I just got done telling me that I knew nothing about him, and now he’s dragging me into the woods. For whatever reason though, I felt relatively calm considering what had just happened. That didn’t mean I wasn’t still upset with him, but I trust him to know that whatever he’s about to show me will really help me understand.

We finally stepped out into a clearing and he dropped my hand and continued to walk forward slowly. I stopped dead in my tracks and let my mouth fall open. I looked around me, trying to take in everything. Right in front of me was a small sand bar and a lake that stretched out what appeared to be a few miles. It was beautiful. At this point it was after six o’clock and the sun was starting to make its way down the sky. He stopped walking and turned to look at me. His face pulled into a small side grin probably because of the stunned expression on my face.

“I … I had no idea this was here.” I finally stammered out.

“I used to come here as a kid. I would just ride my bike around and one day I just stumbled upon it.”

“That’s a long bike ride for a kid.” I thought about how far we drove from my neighborhood to here. I assumed he didn’t live far from me.

“I used to live a lot closer to here. We moved when my parents split up.”

My eyes snapped over to him. His parents were divorced? He walked over to a large rock near the water and climbed up on it. He sat down and began to throw little pebbles into the gentle moving water. I walked over to him and stood next to the rock just staring out onto the water.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry…”

“You didn’t know because I never told you. You’re right; you hardly know anything about me. Here.” He scooted over and patted the spot next to him. I climbed up the rock and took the spot he was just occupying. I folded my hands in my lap and looked over at him.

“When?”

“I was about 8. I stay with my dad during the week and visit my mom on weekends. It’s actually not that bad. My life would have been a lot worse if they would have stayed together. They don’t love each other anymore, but they get along well enough. I don’t think I turned out so bad either.” He smirked and pumped into my arm. I gave him a weak smile. I felt bad for assuming he had a perfect life. I felt even worse because I accused him of thinking he knew what my life was like. He continued with his story. “I would ride my bike out here when my parents would get into really bad arguments. I even built a little fortress to hide out in. It was my escape. I would sit in there and write stories, draw, make believe that none of this was actually happening; anything to relieve my stress from home. You can’t really tell it was anything now.” He pointed out a pile of broken branches. I could see how part of it served as a roof.

I saw a pile of dreams, hopes, and stories of a little boy, crushed over the weight of time. To anyone else passing by, it was just a pile of sticks. It made my heart hurt for him. I pictured a little Frank, no tattoos or piercings, lying in that pile of sticks, staring up at the sky; little Frankie, dreaming of becoming something more. I felt my hand snake over to his and grab onto it. I squeezed it and smiled at him. He grinned back at me.

“I’m really sorry Frank.”

“Sorry for what? My parents did what they thought was best, and it actually worked for us. It sucked not having both of them around, and I was even resentful at first, but over time I realized it was for the best. I still get to see both of them and they even get together for holidays. One day they just realized that they were better friends than lovers, and that’s ok. People make mistakes, but if you catch it in time, you might be able to fix it. If anything, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did back there. I’m sorry that I didn’t confront you first. I should have gotten the full story before jumping to conclusions. That doesn’t mean I’m ok with the way your dad treats you. I want you to be honest with me and answer me truthful, and I will gladly give you the same in return.” He had turned on the rock at this point and had a hold of both of my hands. I bit my lip and stared at him. I couldn’t lie to him. I didn’t want to lie to him. I would tell him the truth.

“You’re right, Frank.”

“About what?”

“My dad. I did get in a fight with Aaron, but my dad made it worse. I’m just so … embarrassed of how weak I am. I’m embarrassed to tell people what my life is really like.” I waited for another blow up or for him to get up and go find my dad. Instead he pulled me closer so we were both on our knees. He placed one hand on the side of my face. I took in a sharp breath at the touch of his skin to mine. I don’t think he realizes the effect he has on me. I felt myself melting at his touch.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. You don’t have to keep it to yourself. I want you to tell me these things. Angela … I need you to tell me these things. I want to protect you, but I can’t do that if you won’t let me. What can I do to make you trust me?”

“It’s not you. I just … I don’t know, I guess I don’t know how to trust you. I’ve been on my own through this. Lacy couldn’t even help, and I’ve known her since we were kids. How do I know you can save me?”

He waited for a moment and just shook his head, that half grin spreading across his face. “You don’t.”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and nodded at him. I understood. I wouldn’t actually know until he proved it to me. I had to have faith in him to save me, and I could only do that if I let him. I knew the consequence if he was lying to me or couldn’t help me, but that was a risk I was willing to take. I let go of his hands and slid off the rock back onto the sand. He followed suit and we made our way back to his car.