For You I'd Tear Out My Own Heart

I put the last shirt of Zack’s that he needed into his huge suitcase. One that would last him about two months. I can’t believe that he’s really going, that they’re all really going. They were my best friends. It feels like I’ve known all of them my whole life.

“Don’t be sad Zo.” He put his finger under my chin and lifted my head up.

I wiped a tear away, “I’m trying not to be.”

He wiped them away from my cheeks, as a few of his own slid down, “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to talk to you everyday. All of us will.”

I sighed and smiled, he was right. It wasn’t like we would forget about each other. Or never see each other again. It would be okay, no matter how sad it would be right now. They were going to be happy on the road, they are going to become big.

A honking came from outside our house, signaling everyone was here. Nina and Kara were going to stay with me at my house the whole day. So, they picked up everyone to say their goodbyes at the last stop.

Zack gave me a sad look as he grabbed his heavy suitcase and walked down the stairs, where our parents were waiting. My mother instantly went to Zack and hugged him tightly, trying not to cry. Even my father’s face had a few tears rolling down them.

“We love you baby. Call us whenever you can.” My mom wiped away yet another tear.

“I promise I will. Love you too.” He smiled and we walked out the door, where everyone was waiting.

Jack immediately came up to me and hugged me, and that was it, the tears started rolling. I was balling, sobbing at the fact that I wouldn’t see these four amazing boys for 61 days. Jack hugged tighter as I felt some tears fall onto the top of my head.

“I love you, Jack.” I sobbed.

“I love you too honey. Just stop crying okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ll talk to you everyday.” He kissed the top of my forehead and pulled away. His face was tear stained too, and it was only getting worse.

Then Rian came along, smiling through the tears that were already falling, “Come here.” He pulled me into a hug as I melted into his strong body. More tears started to come as we hugged. This guy has helped me through so much these past three years.

I pulled away and smiled, “I love you, Rian.”

“I love you too.” He smiled and kissed my head.

Then, Zack came, this wasn’t going to be good. I hugged him so tight, if he wasn’t so strong, his bones would be popping out. I’ve never been away from him, other than simple sleepover, that’s only one night. How am I going to go 2 months without him, it’s just unimaginable. Something I don’t want to do, but it’s also something I have to do. He squeezed too, and I knew for a fact that he was crying. I could hear his soft sniffing, trying to hold himself together, but failing.

“I love you Zack, so much. You’re the best brother any girl could ever have.” I said.

He squeezed harder, “I love you too Zoe. More than you could ever know. Thank you for being a good sister.” He kissed my forehead and slowly moved on to Nina.

Last, but certainly not least, here came Alex. The moment I saw him, I touched the necklace and tears started falling down my face. By the end of the day, I’ll have no tears left.

He smiled weakly at me, I could tell he already had been crying. This was my best friend, I don’t want to be away from him. He came up and wrapped his strong arms around my small torso and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms at the same place, liking the feel of where my hands were. He put his head on top of mine, as I buried mine into his shoulder. I loved the feeling of us this close together, and I didn’t want it to go away.

I bet we stayed there for a good five minutes, just absorbing what we wouldn’t have for 2 months. What are my feelings even for him? I’m starting to question it myself, but I could never be hurt like that again, ever. But, maybe I’m just keeping myself from falling in love.

Rian’s voice interrupted my thoughts, “Alex, we have to go.”

I heard him sigh and he let go of me. More tears falling down his cheeks then there were falling down mine.

“I love you.” He looked down at the ground, wiping away his tears.

“I love you, too.” I squinted my eyes, hoping the new flow of tears would be stopped.

“I want you to have this.” He pulled out a folded up piece of paper and handed it to me, “It’s a note I wrote for you. Don’t read it until I’m gone.”

“O-okay Alex.” I smiled.

“Have this too.” He pulled off his favorite hoodie, the blue striped one, and handed it to me.

“Alex, it’s really fi-” I almost said.

“No, keep it. It’s yours.” He smiled as he kissed my nose and walked onto the bus.

I pulled on the sweatshirt and inhaled the wonderful scent of Alex Gaskarth. The bus turned on and the boys waved goodbye through the window as I waved back. Then, they finally turned the corner, and they were gone.

I ran to where Kara and Nina stood and hugged them both tightly. As we cried and sobbed from the fact that they are seriously gone. We’re happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but, I don’t want them away.

After getting all of our tears out, I laid down on the grass, with Kara on one side, and Nina on the other. It was a pretty day outside. And now was a time to forget about what just happened.

“Just think guys,” Kara broke the silence, “they’re going on tour. They’re dream is coming true. This is what they’ve been working for since they were fourteen. They deserve this.”

“I know.” Nina sighed, “I just wish they could’ve done it closer to home.”

“I can’t agree more.” I replied.

*Later that Night*

“I’ll see you later Zoe, I’m taking Nina home.” Kara pecked me lightly on the lips and left.

“Bye girls.” I smiled.

“Bye!” They called as they went out the door and into their car.

I walked up the stairs into Zack’s room. It looked so empty without him, and a big majority of his things. The picture of us from last summer was gone, he must’ve taken it with him. The pictures on his bulletin board of Nina and the rest of the gang were also gone. It was weird, but I know he must be having fun right now.

I walked into my room, where the walls were filled with pictures of my friends and I. It was something I now appreciate doing. The memories they all held were fun to remember. One of the pictures of me and Alex caught my eye. He was giving me a piggy back ride, and we were both laughing. It made me smile, and also remember the piece of paper he gave me earlier today.

I pulled it out of the pocket on his sweatshirt that I still had on and opened it. It was a note to me, all in very nice handwriting. Which means he took his time on it. I read it quietly to myself.

Zoe,

We’ve been through a lot of stuff these past years. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You’ve saved me from myself more times than I can count, and I thank you for that. Even through my man-whore stage, you stayed with me. When I was a complete dick to you, you gave me more and more chances. We’ve been through so much, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. That one day freshman year, I know that that is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. I know letting you go couldn’t have been a stupider thing on my part. And I would do anything to take it back, to relive the moment of stupidity, and do it again. You deserved better than me, so I suppose it was for the best. I hope that you can find that in some man. And that bastard will be the luckiest man on this earth. And if he would ever do something to hurt you, I will kill him. I want you to know I will never hurt you again as long as I live. You’re an amazing person, Zoe. And I love you. I truly mean that.

Love,
Alex.