We've Lost Control

Warped Tour was incredibly hot, but I think everyone knew that already. The good thing about it, though, was that the Rocket boys had a bus instead of a van. Granted, when they were done with Warped Tour they’d be back in the van touring with The Cab, but I didn’t care; I was just happy to have air conditioning.

It was the day before the first day of Warped which meant rehearsal day. Everyone was due at the Pomona Fairgrounds on June 25to get things straightened out before we all embarked on a long, hot summer. There wasn’t much for me to do since I really was only tagging along for fun.

I was walking around the fairgrounds in jean shorts and a lace button up tank top with a black bra underneath. I was smart and wore flip fops instead of my usual heels and boots. I knew where heels were appropriate and where they weren’t. My hair was up in a messy bun and I had a pair of turquoise Ray Ban wayfarers covering my eyes from the beating sun. My pass was hooked onto one of my belt loops as I walked from the buses to where Bam was putting up the merch tent for the day after.

“Santino!” I heard someone yell from behind me which caused me to look. Nick was walking quickly up to me.

“What do you want Santino?” I asked through a smile.

“Just trying to catch my wife’s attention.” He said as he got closer.

“Oh really? Did you happen to get it?” I asked. He wrapped his arms around my waist and got eyelevel with me. I could see myself in the reflection of his white wayfarers.

“I don’t know, did I?” He asked to which I leaned in and quickly kissed his lips.

“I think you did.” I giggled and he smiled.

“Is that Sawyer I see over there?” I heard someone yell. Boy, was I popular.

I turned to look in the direction of the voice, expecting it to be someone from The Maine or A Rocket to the Moon, but saw the members of Breathe Carolina approaching.

“Hot damn, it is!” David yelled.

“Holy crap!” I yelled in excitement. “What are you guys doing here?” I broke free from Nick’s arms and ran over to Kyle and David.

“We’re playing! Now, what are you doing here? “ Kyle asked after I had hugged the both of them.

I looked back at Nick who was standing back where we had been originally. He had a scowl on his face and his arms were crossed across his chest. “Uhm, I’m touring with A Rocket to the Moon.” I explained uncomfortably.

“No shit?” David said in shock clearly ignoring the tone in my voice.

“How do you know them?” Kyle asked in the same shocked tone David used.

“Actually,” I started, “I’m married to Nick.” I said then looked back at Nick awkwardly.

“You got married?” Kyle exclaimed astonished.

“Holy shit, Man, this is unreal!“ David said which caused me to laugh.

“Yeah, we’ve been married for six months now.” I told them with a shy smile.

“Awh, well congratulations.” Kyle said with a smile.

I smiled back and thanked him. As I opened my mouth to start another conversation, Nick cut me off. “Come on, Sawyer, Bam needs your help.”

I looked back at him sadly then at Kyle and David, “I’m sorry guys, I’ll be on tour until mid-July. We’ll catch up later.” I said with a bright smile.

“Come on, Sawyer.” Nick said in irritation.

With a roll of my eyes, I said goodbye to Kyle and David and continued on to the merch tent with Nick.

“How do you know them?” Nick asked in irritation.

Ignoring his tone, I began to explain my relationship with the BC boys. “I’ve been going to their shows since they first started coming here.” I explained. “Why are you being such an ass?” I asked, getting annoyed with his jealously.

“I’m not, I just don’t think you should be hanging out with them.”

My mouth dropped open, “You can’t just forbid me from talking to my friends.” I said angrily. We had come up on their merch tent where Bam was sitting in a lawn chair playing on his phone. “Did Bam even need my help or was that just an excuse?!” I yelled.

“Sawyer,” Nick said sternly.

“You are such a jerk!” I yelled which gained a few people’s eyes.

“Hey!” He yelled then looked me up and down quickly ,“And also, I think you should change!”

In shock, I just stared at him. My mind was completely boggled. He was being an overprotected jealous asshole and I didn’t like it. “I can’t stand you right now, Nicholas.” I said then stormed away.

“Oh, come on! I’m just saying it because you look like a whore!” He called after me.

In return, I raised my hand up behind me and gave him the middle finger. So much for a happy summer.
---
I was so incredibly pissed off. I stomped my way to the bus and just paced the front lounge not knowing what to do with my anger. I let out an angry huff as I made my trek to and from the door to the bunks and the stairs to the bus door. The sound of the door opening caused me to stop and Justin climbed up to the front lounge, phone and a bottle of water in his hand.

“Do I look like a whore?” I asked him. I could tell he was baffled by the look on his face.

“Wha-what?” He asked stupidly.

“Nick said I look like a whore.”

He looked me up and down and winced, “W-well, I think it might be better if you were wearing a bathing suit instead of just your bra.” He admitted hesitantly.

I groaned at his answer, “He just got me so mad.” I said then plopped down on the couch.

“Well, I would too if someone called me a whore.” He said with a chuckle.

“It’s not just that. Some friends of mine are on Warped Tour and he practically forbid me from hanging out with them.” I explained.

His brow furrowed in confused, “Who?” He had sat down at the table across from me by now.

“Breathe Carolina.” I answered and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Oh really?”

I nodded, “Yeah and Nick is being a freaking jealous asshole about the whole thing.” I groaned again, “I don’t know why though because they both have girlfriends they’ve been with for years and we’re married for fuck’s sake. Does he not trust me?” My heart fell to my stomach as I realized that he didn’t trust me.

Justin’s features turned soft as he, I presumed, knew what I was thinking. He reached out his hand and squeezed my bare knee, “I’m sure he trusts you, he’s just…” He paused as he searched for the right word.

“An asshole?” I filled in for him.

“Insecure.” He corrected and I scoffed.

“Well that’s really stupid. I love him. He shouldn’t be insecure. I should be insecure with all of the girls that throw themselves at him all the time.” I rolled my eyes.

“But he’s not like that.” Just said and immediately my temper flared up again.

“Neither am I!” I cried.

He leaned back and raised his hands defensively, “Okay, okay. Let’s just settle on the fact that he’s an asshole, all right?”

I nodded once, “Damn right.”
---
“Sawyer Girl!” I heard someone yell after me. I was walking around as everyone got situated with the California sun beating down on them. I turned and squinted into said sun as Kyle Even approached me. He’d changed into a pair of cut off manpris and a blue shirt since the last time I talked to him. The only thing I had done was change from my bra into a black bikini top.

“Hey Kyle.” I said as he stopped in front of me. He was a pretty tall guy that I had to look up at. “How are you?” I asked and he smiled down at me.

“I’m really good. What about you, how’s married life?” He smirked as he nudged me.

I smiled as I thought back to Nick and I’s good memories. “It’s good. New, but good.”

“Tell me how you managed Nick Santino wrapped around your finger.” He nudged me again and I smiled goofily.

“I don’t have him around my finger.” I folded my arms across my chest as I shifted my weight.

He ignored my comment and continued on with his questions, “How’d you meet?”

“Uhm, well, my roommate Hanley, you remember her right?” He nodded. “Well, she’s the cousin to Nick’s sister’s best friend and the Rocket boys needed a place to stay for a week and a half or something while their record label got an apartment situated. Hanley offered out place without me knowing because I wasn’t supposed to be there all week.” I paused as I thought back to when I found Nick, Justin, and Halvo in the apartment. I chuckled as I remembered Justin in my bathroom in a towel shaving his face. “They were just in my place when I got home. Oh my God, I was such a bitch to all of them.” I laughed and he smiled at me.

“How long were you dating before he proposed? You didn’t mention it when I saw you in November.”

I laughed again, “Like two days. Then we got married an hour later. I remember it was 12:17 AM on my eighteenth birthday back in January.”

His eyes widened and his mouth dropped, “What?! Sawyer, that’s insane!” He exclaimed. “You just went out and married a stranger on your eighteenth birthday?” I smiled and nodded. “How long have you been together now?” He questioned.

“Five months.”

He shook his head in disbelief “You both are completely insane.”

I laughed once more, “I am very aware.” I said then remembered I was mad at him. “He’s being a real asshole right now, though.” I scowled and he frowned.

“Why?” He asked.

“He’s being a jealous prick. He thinks that I’m going to cheat on him with you or David.” I rolled my eyes, beginning my rant.

“What?! That’s crazy!” Kyle cried, throwing his arms out around him, causing people to look over at us. I caught the eye of JohnOh, which I knew he was looking at me in confusion behind his Wayfarers.

“I know.” I said, still looking at John.

“Did you tell him that we’re both in committed relationships?”

I nodded then realized that John had began to walk over. “I mean, really, I’ve known you guys for a year and a half and nothing has or ever will happen between us.” I said angrily.

“Whoa, are you trying to pick this girl up?” John asked as he draped his arm over my shoulders. I rolled my eyes in irritation from him just jumping to conclusions and the fact that his sweaty, sticky arm was on my already sticky body didn’t help.

“No, he wasn’t. Why does everyone assume that just because I’m talking to someone your little group of friends don’t know that I’m automatically going to sleep with them?!” I yelled in frustration. “Why does everyone now think I’m some kind of whore that can’t be trusted? You all are just so God damn protective.” I yelled.

They both stared at me in shock. I knew I had gained the attention of a few passer-bys as well. First day of Warped Tour and I was already causing a scene.

“Jesus, Sawyer, I was just joking. What’s with the blowout?” John asked.

I looked at Kyle then shrugged myself out from under John’s arm. I felt hot tears forming at the back of my eyes. “Don’t touch me.” I said through a choked sob. I stood next to Kyle because, really, I felt as if he was the only one that wasn’t making me angry. John’s features had softened, though.

“Whoa, hey. Sawyer, what’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped closer to me and placed a hand on my arm.

In response, I ripped my arm out from under his touch as if it burned me. “I’m just upset, okay? Let me be.” I said then turned to Kyle, “I’m sorry for being such a mess, Kyle, but I just want to go lie down. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiled sympathetically at me and nodded while gently squeezing my arm.

The whole way back to the bus, people were staring at me. I hated the way these strangers were judging me just by the red blotchy cheeks and matching eyes. I really just wanted to flip everyone off and tell them to go choke on a dick, but I was more of a lady than that and continued on to A Rocket to the Moon’s bus.

The bus wasn’t at all empty like before when I climbed on it. And of course all eyes were on my face and almost simultaneously their expressions changed to being concerned. The one face I didn’t see was Nick’s and that just made me even more upset. Even though I was angry at him, I really only wanted him to comfort me; he just knew what to say when I was upset.

“Before you ask, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.” I said with a sigh.

“Sawyer,” Andrew said from the couch where he was balancing his Macbook on his lap. “it’s only four.”

“Exactly.” I said then walked back to the bunks where I took my sandals off and slid into my bunk. Nick and I didn’t share one because it was practically impossible to sleep comfortably in one with just one person let alone two.

I was texting Hanley for a bit before I felt my eyes begin to flutter shut. A sigh pulled me back to a conscious state and suddenly I was wide awake again. My bunk curtain was pulled back and I was eye to eye with a pair of green orbs I knew too well.

“I was looking for you.” He said softly. “JohnOh said you weren’t looking so great.”

I rolled over onto my back and played with my thumbnails, “I went kind of nuts on him.” I mumbled, not making eye contact with him.

“About what?” His hand was pushing my hair back out of my face, soothing me in a way.

I glanced at him nervously, “Our argument.”

His brow furrowed, “So because we argued, you blew up at JohnOh?” He asked slowly as if he were just trying to digest the information. “How does that make sense?”

With an exasperated sigh, I threw my arms down to my sides and looked at him, “I was talking to Kyle and he walked up and said some joke about Kyle trying to pick me up and I went crazy.” I explained to him. “I hate how everyone is going insane over the fact that I have friends in a different band than the ones you’re associated with. I feel as if you all just expect me to sleep with them, which is absurd because I’ve known them for a year and a half and hello! It’s me. Plus, they’re both in committed relationships.” I groaned as I sat up with my legs dangling over the side. “I feel like you don’t trust me when I gave you no reason not to.” I said as I looked down at my hands, avoiding eye contact with him again.

He sighed sadly as he gently grasped my hands with his, “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t like what they do.”

My brow furrowed as I looked up at him in confusion, “Play music? Nick, that’s ridiculous; you’re doing exactly what they are.”

He quickly shook his head, “No, not that. They party a lot, Sawyer.”

I rolled my eyes at his reason and tugged my hands free from his grasp, “You don’t think I didn’t already know that? They’ve all stayed at the apartment before. They’ve gotten drunk at the apartment before. I forbid them from smoking weed, though.”

It was quiet between the two of us. He just stood there with his hands on his hips, staring at me. “How do you even know them?” He finally asked and I rolled my eyes.

“I told you, I’ve been going to their shows here ever since they first played here last January.”

“No, like how did you get to be friends with them.” He reworded his question and I sighed for what felt like the millionth time.

“I had gone to their first show over at the Glasshouse and they needed somewhere to stay between the four or five days they were in town. So I offered them my apartment and they were so desperate that they took me up on it.” I explained with a shrug, like that kind of thing happened all the time.

He stared blankly at me then blink once, “You just let a handful of strangers stay in your house?” He questioned and I nodded.

“I let you guys stay in my house when you were complete strangers to me. I have a kind heart.” I smiled softly which he returned.

Gently, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest, “I know you have a kind heart, that’s why I love you.” I smiled wider as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

“I love you, too” I said softly. It was the voice I reserved just for him and he knew it. He knew that when I used that voice, he had my time, attention, and love.

He lovingly leaned down and our lips met for a sweet kiss. “I’m sorry I blew up on you earlier,” He breathed out just inches away from my face. I was looking up at him while he looked down. I couldn’t help but to smile as I looked up into his green eyes, “and I’m sorry I called you a,” he cringed, “whore.” then he shivered. “Ugh, I can’t believe I called you that. I’m such an asshole.”

I chuckled as I nodded, “You’re right, you are an asshole, but I forgive you.” I smiled then kissed him.

He smirked, “Good because I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t.”

I leaned back, away from his body, “Uh, probably kill yourself.” I joked and he chuckled.

“I love you so much.” His eyes shined with pure adoration which put butterflies in my stomach.

I was about to respond, but Halvo started yelling on the other side of the door, “Okay guys! You’re making us all sick!” Nick and I couldn’t help, but to laugh.

“Come on,” Nick said as he laced his right hand with my left, “Let’s go see what we can get for some food around here.” I jumped down from my bunk and slipped on my sandals then followed him off the bus to a deep pink colored sky. Maybe this Summer would be good after all.