Love Is Hell

I’d never seen something so beautiful.

The warmth of the sand between my toes. The different colors of the fading sky reflecting off the water. The overall serenity of the place was breathtaking. For once I truly felt at peace, like nothing could go wrong. The constant burden of trying to be perfect was temporarily lifted off my shoulders. The always present thought of being found and taken back home disappeared and I was left at ease.

I smiled as I continued to look out at the beautiful ocean, just taking everything in.

“Awesome huh?”

I turned to my left to find Garrett sitting down next to me. He must have just come out of the water because his hair dripped tiny water droplets down his bare chest and back.

Once we arrived at the beach, all the guys were already running around in the water, goofing off. Instead of joining them, I sat down, just enjoying the scenery. Garrett sat with me, but eventually I told him he could go and swim. I could tell he really wanted to, but was being nice and keeping me company.

Since then, the guys have been in and out of the water trying to convince me to go in with them. I told them I would eventually, but I could just sit here all day just taking in the view.

“So are you coming in anytime soon? John and Pat are threatening to throw you in themselves if you don’t come in.”

I chuckled as I glanced over in the water where John and Pat were waving obnoxiously at us.

“Come on.” Garrett said as he stood up and held his hand out to me. I sighed in defeat and took his hand.

We walked back a little further up on the beach where we basically ‘set up camp’. Jared along with the rest of the crew was setting up chairs and it looked like they were attempting to make a fire. I walked over to my bag and slowly began to take off my shorts and tank top. Normally I would have felt extremely self conscious and awkward, but for some reason I was in such a good mood that I didn’t care for once.

Once I was down to my bathing suit, I threw my clothes into my bag and then followed Garrett towards the water.

When we were close enough for the waves to touch our feet Garrett ran right into the water, tackling Kennedy in the process. I took my time walking in; getting used the cool ocean water.

“It’s about time!” I heard John exclaim.

I turned around to face him as he waded in the water towards me.

“Yeah well I couldn’t risk being thrown in by you or Pat,” I replied.

He smirked, “Who says I still won’t do it?”

I eyed him suspiciously as he got closer to me. Finally, when he was close enough, he reached out to pick me up. He grabbed a hold of my hips, preparing to throw me into the water, but I quickly wrapped my arms and legs around him so he couldn’t dunk me.

“Not gonna happen John,” I said victoriously.

He laughed and pouted, but then his pout quickly turned into a smirk again when he looked down at me.

“Not gonna lie, I like this position.”

Then did I notice our current position. John was holding onto my hips as I had my arms locked around his neck and my legs wrapped around his hips. I quickly blushed as I looked away from him.

“Yo John! Quit trying to rape Lo!” Kennedy called over to us.

My face reddened even more as I looked over at the guys. Both Kennedy and Pat were laughing and making thrust movements. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Garrett. Unlike Kennedy and Pat he wasn't laughing. Instead he was making a face, like he just saw something disturbing. I caught his eye only for a second before he turned around and walked towards the beach.

I stared after him, but was quickly brought out of my thoughts as I heard John say to hold my breath. Unfortunately I didn't have enough time and before I could even blink I was submerged under water.

Without thinking I gasped and swallowed a mouth full of salt water. I quickly freed myself from John's grasp and went up for air.

I was sputtering and coughing as I broke the surface. My eyes, throat, and nose stung and I could barely breathe.

I could hear John and the guys laughing behind me as I rubbed my burning eyes.

"I told you to hold your breath!" John laughed.

Once I could see and open my eyes without them stinging too much, I spun around and glared at John.

His eyes widened as he put his hands up in defense and started backing away.

"I warned you!" He exclaimed in defense.

I just narrowed my eyes playfully at him, "you better swim O'Callaghan!" I hissed.

He yelped as I lunged at him and chased him through the water. Eventually I ended up catching him and tackling him under water. Then Kennedy and Pat joined in and we all gained up on John. We probably played around in the water for an hour before Jared called us to let us know that it was time to eat.

The mention of food got the boy's attention and we all quickly got out and made our way towards the bonfire.

The sun was now gone, leaving the sky a dark purple and blue. The air cooled down as well and there was a slight breeze. It was nice, but it was definitely a lot warmer and more comfortable at the fire.

I walked over to my bag and took out my towel. I quickly dried myself and then put my clothes back on over my damp bikini. I then joined the rest of the guys as we all helped ourselves to the pizza that someone must have ordered. They all passed around beers and I reluctantly accepted one. I would have rather of drank water but all they brought was beer and I didn't feel like walking to the bus to get a bottle of water. I ignored the fact that both the water and pizza had a ton of calories and ate anyways, enjoying the food. I don't know what came over me but it felt good to actually eat a decent meal.

After I grabbed my food and drink I walked over to Garrett and sat next to him. I don't know what was up with him when he walked off before, but I felt bad that I didn't get to spend as much time with him here as I did with the rest of the guys.

"Hey," I said as I sat down.

He nodded his head in my direction, barely acknowledging me. I sighed, when Pat said Garrett had mood swings worse than a PMSing teen girl he wasn’t kidding. I didn’t even know why he was mad at me. I decided to ignore him and entered a conversation with Kennedy who sat down next to me.

Throughout the meal I would steal quick glances to my left at Garrett. Sometimes he would be talking with Jared and a few different times I swear I could see him glancing at me a few times. It was an awkward tension that formed between us and just when I had enough, Garrett got up. He threw his plate away, grabbed another beer and headed towards the water.

I let him be for about ten minutes before I got up as well. I threw away my trash and casually slipped away from the group.

I slowly made my way down towards him. He was standing near the water, just close enough that the waves would wash over his feet. I silently walked up next to him and we stood in silence for what seemed like forever.

Knowing Garrett, he wasn’t going to break the silence and if it was anyone else but him I wouldn't speak first either, but since it was Garrett and I, I decided to talk or else this would go nowhere.

“So…”

Great job getting the ball rolling Lorraine, I thought to myself.

“I uhm…” I didn’t know why I was so nervous, “I just wanted to say thanks again for buying me the bathing suit.” I decided to say.

Garrett shrugged, “I already said don’t worry about it.”

I sighed, “I know, but still. Thank you for everything. For letting me tag along with you guys, for being really welcoming to me,” except for right now, “And for everything else. I really mean it Garrett. Thank you.”

He glanced down at me and nodded before taking a sip of his drink, “You’re welcome.”

I wasn’t getting the best response from him, but I decided to keep talking.

“And honestly thanks for understanding everything. You’re really the first person I ever opened up to about everything. I mean I haven’t even told my best friend the stuff I told you. Really I don’t know why I told you all of that, you probably didn’t care at the time and still don’t, but it really felt good to tell someone. And I guess that makes me feel more… comfortable and open with you. The rest of the guys are great, but I do feel more comfortable with you.” I took a deep breath, “So I wanted you to know that, and I also wanted to apologize for whatever I did to you that seems to have put you in a bad mood.”

I sighed and finally looked up at him. To my surprise, he was actually looking at me. He seemed to be contemplating everything I just said. We were quite as we just stared at each other.

And then he smiled. And I couldn’t help it, but I smiled too.

“Don’t worry about it Lo. And I am really glad that you did open up to me. I do care how you feel and… I do care for you. And you don’t have to apologize, you did nothing wrong. I guess sometimes I can be a bit moody…” he said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Like a PMSing teen girl.” I added.

He looked questioningly at me.

“Pat said it.”

He snorted, “He should fucking talk. Half the time he’s worse than a ten year old with ADD in a toy store.”

We both laughed.

“I like Pat, he’s fun.” I defended him.

Garrett shook his head, “Yeah well you haven’t met Rat Boy yet. Just wait.”

This time I looked at him questioningly as I wrapped my arms around each other. He must have noticed my sudden shivering because he started taking his hoodie off.

“Here” he said as he handed it to me.

I smiled in return and quickly put it on. I welcomed the warmth of the soft hoodie. I zipped it up and couldn’t help but inhale the increasingly pleasant and familiar smell of Garrett.

We then decided to head back up towards the bonfire as we heard guitars strumming. As we reached the fire everyone was gathered around. John and Jared had their acoustic guitars out and were strumming a familiar tune. I couldn’t place it until John started singing the lyrics to We’ll All Be.

Garrett and I sat down and enjoyed the music.

Half way through the song everyone started singing along and swaying. I noticed Pat who was swaying nudge Garrett, trying to get him to sway. Garrett rolled his eyes, but smiled as he put his arm around my shoulders and started swaying along with everyone else. I smiled as I put my arm around Garrett and Kennedy and sang along. Even though I haven’t been on tour for long, I already seemed to have memorized the lyrics.

“So I guess we can cross off going to the beach and bonfire off your list.” I heard Garrett whisper in my ear.

I turned to him in confusion, still swaying, “What? What list?”

“Your list of things to do on tour,” he replied, like it was the most obvious thing.

Still having no idea what he was talking about, I nodded anyways. I had a feeling I would be hearing more about this list eventually.

For now though, I just wanted to enjoy the moment. I knew that I would eventually end up having to go back home, my parents finding out a way to get me home. And I knew I’d have to go back to the same old routine of charity events and whatnot, but for right now I didn’t care.

For the first time in a long time I was happy, right now in this moment.