Status: Finished :)
I Didn't Know I Could Break Your Heart
When Emotions And Passions Run High
"Umm... hey," Rodger greeted her, choking back tears. Marrietta stood in the doorway for a few moments, waiting for him to either invite her in or to send her away. He did not say another word though. His brown eyes were trained blankly on the wall before him and all of his energy was focused on not crying.
"You know... this is what's supposed to happen when a person in a family dies," Marrietta whispered as she took her first step into the room. Laying one hand on his shoulder and cautiously sitting down next to him, she continued, "Everyone is in turmoil. The person who's easiest to blame gets blamed and because no one wants to cry... they all start yelling. This isn't unusual."
Rodger shook his head, "This isn't about them, Mary. I mean, f*ck those guys are idiots... Carlos being who he is and Steven being drunk and my dad being depressed... they're freaks. They always have been and they always will be. This is about my mom... she's gone... she's really gone and she can't just step into this mess anymore and make everyone just shut the f*ck up."
Marrietta blinked. Curling one leg under herself, she analyzed this new side of Rodger. The thought had never occurred to her that he could actually be crying for another person. She had known he had been hurting, but he never let any of his emotions show. In a way, it made her feel closer to him then ever before. But the only emotion she could recall at the moment was fear.
"Your mom... she... she was wonderful," Marrietta spat out after a few awkward seconds, "And more than anything she would want, well, you to go out there and fix them like she used to."
"Everytime I see them fighting like that..." He paused, tears glistening in his eyes, "I just expect her to walk around the corner and tell them to stop being so silly. I expect her to walk up to Steven and crouch down so that she's his height and say... 'Your brother loves you, he just needs some time'." Rodger buried his face in his hands for a few moments and swore, "Maybe none of us need her anymore to really mother us... we're all adults... but this family needs her. We'll never all be able to be in the same room again without her."
Marrietta nodded slowly and edged closer to him on the bed. Her hands wrapped around his, feeling his salty tears that had fallen there while he talked. She knew it was selfish, but she felt a paralyzing fear whenever she saw a tear drop leave his eyes. He was the strong one, she was the weak one. She had no clue how to be strong for him.
"I'm sure all of you will be alright... I mean, there's no way Carlos could be like that to Steven all the-"
"Are you kidding me?" Rodger snapped, turning his head so that his eyes locked on hers, "Carlos treats Steven like shit every second of every day since the day he was old enough to understand what the phrase 'f*ck you' meant." He shook his head in disbelief, "The only time the two of them were ever really like brothers was when mom was forcing them to be or... or when Carlos was truly worried about Steven. But even then Steven pushed him away. And f*ck it, they'll never talk to each other in a civilized manner again without mom around."
"I-I'm sorry," Marrietta stammered out, unsure of what else to say. She was afraid of the fact that she was crying now while she was staring into his eyes. The way his hands felt tensed and limp at the exact same time under her grasp made her fear all of what he was feeling. He's always been so closed... what on earth am I supposed to do now?
"My mom was right..." He whispered, his voice shaking, "I should have never left. Other than her... I was the only solid thing in this family and I tore it apart by leaving them. God, I remember one day when she... when she just picked up Carlos and rocked him to sleep before he could even start to cry. I remember her... holding me when our dog died. I was only seven... I remember her sitting with Steven every night for a year until he fell asleep when Carlos decided he was old enough to pay for what his father did... Damn... she was the best mother we could have asked for... and none of us deserved her."
"You deserved her." Marrietta stated firmly.
"I didn't."
"You did," She replied, her entire body shaking, "This was not your fault. What they do to each other, how they do it, has nothing to do with the fact that you left. Your mother loved all of you and maybe Carlos and Steven were complete bastards towards her and to your whole family, but I bet that she's proud of you for leaving. For being independent. For getting out of this hell hole."
Rodger's eyes were glued to hers and fixed with a look of sorrow. It was easy to see that he did not believe a word of what she had said, but he was holding onto it anyways. "I love you, Marrietta."
"I love you, too."
"No," He shook his head slightly, "I mean, I really, really, love you." And before she could protest by saying that she loved him the same amount if not more, which he knew she would, he kissed her.
Every nerve ending in her body was electrified as he pushed her back into the pillows of the bed. Her hands pulled him closer to her and he slowly removed her top. His kisses were getting faster now, more passionate and less intimate, and she let him take her to a different world. A world where the voice she heard when he whispered sweet nothings in her ear was not his, but someone else's. Someone who had left her for good.
"You know... this is what's supposed to happen when a person in a family dies," Marrietta whispered as she took her first step into the room. Laying one hand on his shoulder and cautiously sitting down next to him, she continued, "Everyone is in turmoil. The person who's easiest to blame gets blamed and because no one wants to cry... they all start yelling. This isn't unusual."
Rodger shook his head, "This isn't about them, Mary. I mean, f*ck those guys are idiots... Carlos being who he is and Steven being drunk and my dad being depressed... they're freaks. They always have been and they always will be. This is about my mom... she's gone... she's really gone and she can't just step into this mess anymore and make everyone just shut the f*ck up."
Marrietta blinked. Curling one leg under herself, she analyzed this new side of Rodger. The thought had never occurred to her that he could actually be crying for another person. She had known he had been hurting, but he never let any of his emotions show. In a way, it made her feel closer to him then ever before. But the only emotion she could recall at the moment was fear.
"Your mom... she... she was wonderful," Marrietta spat out after a few awkward seconds, "And more than anything she would want, well, you to go out there and fix them like she used to."
"Everytime I see them fighting like that..." He paused, tears glistening in his eyes, "I just expect her to walk around the corner and tell them to stop being so silly. I expect her to walk up to Steven and crouch down so that she's his height and say... 'Your brother loves you, he just needs some time'." Rodger buried his face in his hands for a few moments and swore, "Maybe none of us need her anymore to really mother us... we're all adults... but this family needs her. We'll never all be able to be in the same room again without her."
Marrietta nodded slowly and edged closer to him on the bed. Her hands wrapped around his, feeling his salty tears that had fallen there while he talked. She knew it was selfish, but she felt a paralyzing fear whenever she saw a tear drop leave his eyes. He was the strong one, she was the weak one. She had no clue how to be strong for him.
"I'm sure all of you will be alright... I mean, there's no way Carlos could be like that to Steven all the-"
"Are you kidding me?" Rodger snapped, turning his head so that his eyes locked on hers, "Carlos treats Steven like shit every second of every day since the day he was old enough to understand what the phrase 'f*ck you' meant." He shook his head in disbelief, "The only time the two of them were ever really like brothers was when mom was forcing them to be or... or when Carlos was truly worried about Steven. But even then Steven pushed him away. And f*ck it, they'll never talk to each other in a civilized manner again without mom around."
"I-I'm sorry," Marrietta stammered out, unsure of what else to say. She was afraid of the fact that she was crying now while she was staring into his eyes. The way his hands felt tensed and limp at the exact same time under her grasp made her fear all of what he was feeling. He's always been so closed... what on earth am I supposed to do now?
"My mom was right..." He whispered, his voice shaking, "I should have never left. Other than her... I was the only solid thing in this family and I tore it apart by leaving them. God, I remember one day when she... when she just picked up Carlos and rocked him to sleep before he could even start to cry. I remember her... holding me when our dog died. I was only seven... I remember her sitting with Steven every night for a year until he fell asleep when Carlos decided he was old enough to pay for what his father did... Damn... she was the best mother we could have asked for... and none of us deserved her."
"You deserved her." Marrietta stated firmly.
"I didn't."
"You did," She replied, her entire body shaking, "This was not your fault. What they do to each other, how they do it, has nothing to do with the fact that you left. Your mother loved all of you and maybe Carlos and Steven were complete bastards towards her and to your whole family, but I bet that she's proud of you for leaving. For being independent. For getting out of this hell hole."
Rodger's eyes were glued to hers and fixed with a look of sorrow. It was easy to see that he did not believe a word of what she had said, but he was holding onto it anyways. "I love you, Marrietta."
"I love you, too."
"No," He shook his head slightly, "I mean, I really, really, love you." And before she could protest by saying that she loved him the same amount if not more, which he knew she would, he kissed her.
Every nerve ending in her body was electrified as he pushed her back into the pillows of the bed. Her hands pulled him closer to her and he slowly removed her top. His kisses were getting faster now, more passionate and less intimate, and she let him take her to a different world. A world where the voice she heard when he whispered sweet nothings in her ear was not his, but someone else's. Someone who had left her for good.