I Didn't Know I Could Break Your Heart

"Can you please not smoke that while I'm here?" Marrietta asked, waving the clouds of smoke away from her face. The smell of the stuff was giving her a headache. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn she was allergic to it. "Or at least don't smoke it in my face when I'm trying to read."

Rudy pulled the joint from between his lips and twirled it between his fingers. He looked as if he was considering something. A minute passed and then he said, "It never used to bother you when you came here. You liked it."

Marrietta glared up at him and he smiled mischievously. Snatching the joint from his hands and putting it out, she replied, "I liked it because it made me forget Tyler. It made me forget that I was alone in an apartment with a druggie who I was head over heels in love with when he was supposed to be a rebound."

"I didn't know that," He commented, raising one eyebrow curiously.

"Oh, please. You knew you were a druggie and you knew the smoke helped me forget Tyler," She replied absentmindedly, turning back to her book. She flipped the page even though she had no idea where she was in the story. Rudy's eyes on the back of her head made her nervous.

"I meant that I never knew you were head over heels in love with me," He said calmly, circling the couch until he came to sit beside her. Taking the burnt out joint from her fingers, he dropped it to the floor and continued, "I thought you couldn't be in love with anyone because you were so broken-hearted over Tyler. That's why I had a different girl coming to my room every night you weren't here."

Marrietta raised an eyebrow, "You're disgusting."

He shrugged, "It's who I am."

Normally, she would have laughed at such a blatant comment, but she wasn't in the mood. She brought her legs closer to her body, flipping another page in her book and tried to take her mind off Tyler. It was hard. After a minute, she groaned and put her head down in her knees.

His face haunted her at every second. His voice was like a constant narrator in her life's story. She could not get rid of the thoughts of him simply because he was so determined to be just her friend and she wanted him as so much more. What it was about Tyler that made her this crazy, she had no idea, but it was an electric feeling that made him everything to her. It didn't matter what he had done or what he would do, he was what she needed. And with that thought, she began to sob.

Rudy had his arm around Marrietta's shoulders in seconds. "Shhh..." he murmured kindly, tucking strands of red hair behind her ears, "It's okay... I won't smoke in here anymore if it bugs you, okay?"

Marrietta shook her head, "You're going to be like that forever, aren't you?" She choked out. Glancing up at him from behind a curtain of red hair, she continued, "You're always going to miss the point. Even when you know what the point is."

He paused and shifted away from her slightly, "He loves you, Mary. No matter what he says or what he does, he's fallen hard and he wants you back." Rudy swore colourfully, "He's wanted you back since the day you left him. He tried to kill himself the first time he saw you in college."

Shaking her head, she whispered, "I don't believe you."

"It's true," Rudy murmured, tilting her chin up with a single finger. He wiped the tears from her face slowly, making sure to catch all of them. She stared back at him, completely still, unable to think of anything but the horrible despair that overwhelmed her. "Tyler has always been the one person in the world who loves you and he will love you, no matter what."

"But maybe he doesn't need me. Or maybe he needs someone else, someone better. Someone who will... will sit outside with him at his stupid baseball games and watch him make plays. Or maybe someone who can cook a gourmet meal or grow a beautiful garden in his backyard for Edward to play in..." Marrietta could not help but hear the hopelessness in her own voice. Everything she said sounded like torture. Every word from her lips ripped another string that was holding her to Tyler, "Maybe he's only in love with me because he knows nothing else."

Rudy licked his lips carefully. The next words out of his mouth had been chosen to calm her down and cheer her up all at once. He let the hand that was holding her chin slip casually down to her shoulder as he said softly, "Marrietta, look at me. You're beautiful and intelligent and any guy would be lucky to have you. And Tyler doesn't need any of those things that you just listed... all he needs in life is you."

"All he needs in life is a keg and any red head dumb enough to throw herself at him," Marrietta snapped violently. The look in her eyes would have scared monstrous beasts but they merely made Rudy's grip tighten on her shoulder. "That dick doesn't want me! He'll never want me! He wants some stupid floozy with my hair and my eyes. I can't give him that. I can't give him that obedience!"

"Mary-"

But he was cut off by her lips crashing into his. The smell of her lavender perfume drove him crazy as she snuck her hands underneath his shirt and pushed him backwards. She was taking the lead, tracing his abs with her fingers, doing everything that he loved when he was with a woman, but still he pushed her back.

"Mary, you can't-"

"Please." The look she gave him broke his heart. Sparkling tears caught in her eyelashes and reflected back her sorrow, self-hatred and undying love for a man that was not him. If he had reached up and touched her face, she would have shattered into a million pieces. Instead he stared at her blankly, until she repeated, almost choking on the word, "Please."

He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her into him. Her kisses were soft and sweet as well as being completely terrible. She ripped his shirt off, hungry to be closer to him, to anyone really, without even noticing what she had done. For once she was being wild and he was being gentle, trying not to break her or ruin her completely. Although, for once, being completely ruined didn't sound half as terrible as what she was facing now.