It's Not So Dark When We're Together

Ed’s POV

I couldn’t believe it had been two weeks since the worst news possible was dispatched to my ears. I woke up each morning aching as i looked over to the empty side of the bed where i was expecting to see my wife again. I knew it would seem easier after the funeral. That funeral was today.

I woke up early, Angel was calling out from her room. She had woken a few times in the night the past few weeks calling out for mum. As i stepped into the room she would look at me and remember her mum wasn’t here anymore. I would pick her up into my arms and hug her close to my chest, the thing that seemed to calm her as she settled in my arms and i would place her back down.

Today i picked Angel up taking her downstairs with me making sure we both ate our breakfast. I fed Angel some food as well as sitting and drinking my cup of tea. I then took her back upstairs to get her dressed for the day. I had already been out to by clothes for me and her for the one day i would hate the most. The one day that really confirmed everything and set it in stone. I had been helping to plan the funeral a little but my main role was to sort out my own speech. Amy and alex and my parents and Elena’s mum had sorted out everything else. They arranged the chapel and times, they asked me for the music i wanted and we spoke as a group about the whole running of the service.

The get together after the service was to take place and alex and Amy’s, since it was a larger house and therefore could hold more people. I knew there would be people there that i would of never met personally, Elena’s more distant family, her old work friends and the girl that stayed with Elena in her last moments of life to. I knew that this would be awkward and a very sad day.

I got Angel dressed first, she wore a plain black dress a pair of black tights and pair of black shoes. As i made sure she was completely dressed she looked into my face, her large brown eyes staring into my own before reached up from the bed she was stood on and gave me a kiss. I smiled as i gently brushed through her hair to flatten it before she sat on the bed waiting for me to get ready. I pulled out a plain black suit, thin black tie and white shirt. I took out my black shoes before i made sure my hair was neat and tie straight in the mirror. Once i was finally ready i took angel downstairs with me putting the TV on for her making sure i had everything i needed.

At eleven am the funeral cars would be pulling up firstly picking up me and angel before heading to Amy’s where they would retrieve the rest of the band and little Caleb, Elena’s mum, my parent’s and Gary. I constantly kept a look out the window knowing soon the day would begin. I was trying to keep my emotions bottled up for the day, knowing i could release them after i returned home.

It wasn’t long before the hearse and car’s arrive. I picked up angel as i saw the mum flowers leant against the coffin, a bunch of red roses that i wanted lay on top. I placed Angel in the car before climbing in myself as we headed to get the others. As we pulled up the group were already on the doorstep and quickly got into the cars. With me and angel were Elena’s mum, alex, amy and Caleb and Gary. Everyone else had climbed into the second car.

As we started the journey to the chapel i watched everyone else in the car. Alex had Amy’s hand in his gently rubbing her arm on occasion as she tried to keep her emotions at bay. Caleb sat silently in a little black suit in his dad’s arm. Gary had sat beside me and kept glancing over to check on me. I looked from him to angel to Elena’s mum who was on occasion dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

The journey seemed long and i was glad to get some fresh air as we stepped out onto the parking area. Me, Alex, Dan and Gary would be carrying the coffin into the chapel once everyone else was inside. Amy and teddy taking Caleb and angel inside as they went to get the seats. As we stood outside waiting for all those that arrived to get seated in the large chapel i walked off. Alex was quick to follow me around the corner where i found a bin. I was almost instantly sick, the grief and reality hitting me at once. As i straightened myself out again taking a mint from alex i hugged him, one of the brotherly styled hugs we always had. I took in a large breath and nodded signalling i was ok and ready to go.

When we got back round to the front again Gary patted me on the shoulder, Dan looking sympathetic to me before the coffin was gently pulled out of the hearse. Me and Gary were holding the front and alex and dan took the back. We followed in the driver who carried in the flowers as the sound of you me at six’s stay with me played throughout the chapel. As the four of us slowly walked down the centre aisle of the chapel i felt my stomach roll. I could feel all eyes on the coffin and me as i steadily continued down the aisle, with each step my heart aching a little more. As we placed the coffin on the stand at the front of the chapel i felt Gary’s hand on my shoulder as we walked over to our seats.

Taking my seat as the song finished i looked up into the eyes of the vicar as angel sat on my lap. Gary sat one side of me as Alex and amy sat the other waiting for the vicar to start. As he started firstly with a prayer and i awaited the vicars own speech, one which i knew would tear a bigger hole in my heart.

Today we are gathered here to remember the better times of Elena Night. Her life was cruelly snatched from this world at such a young age, leaving behind a loving husband and daughter. It is to these and her mother that we give the greater of our thoughts at such a tough time. She will always be remembered by every person she helped off of the London underground in such a time of panic and horror. She was a brave and strong young woman who saved so many lives with such quick actions. It was on this day she helped a stranger in need, the same person that wouldn’t leave her side in her last moments in this life. It is with these thoughts of been such a helpful, caring and brave person that we ask you our lord to look after Elena Night for us. Your child needs your guidance now and it’s to you we look to for that help and support in the afterlife.

I felt a single tear run down my cheek and quickly wiped it away before Angel could notice. I felt her little hand tighten onto mine as the service continued. Firstly it was her mother and Gary that gave their speeches, ones describing some memorable times that tugged more at my heart. It was after Gary’s speech that me and alex picked up our acoustic guitars that one of the tech’s attending had bought for us. As we sat on the steps that led up to the podium the vicar stood behind i looked into Alex’s eyes before turning to angel who watched me with sorrow filling her little face. It was then we began to play, as the those first couple of chord’s hit i watched as Amy’s faced down in a sort of respect manor. We were playing our own song blinding light, the one song that Elena loved so dearly, the one song that so much to her. The lyrics had now changed meaning for me, as i sang as best as i could not letting emotion take over yet. As we got to the two minute twenty mark of the song where usually more would kick in i heard the voices of those closest to me rise. As me and alex sung the voices of dan, teddy, Ali, Gary, Amy and Elena’s mum joined in. I looked up at them as they did, a strange feeling washing over me as i watched the faces of those i cared about most look out for me and help me out.

Once the song was finished we took our seats again as the vicar again spoke, i knew that after this was the moment where my emotions would be tested the most. As he finished he informed everyone i was going to speak and i carefully and silently rose from my seat and took the lonely and heart breaking walk to the podium.

Firstly i would like to thank every single one of you for attending. Some faces i don’t know but for you to be here i know that Elena had left a mark on your life and left you with at least one memory you won’t forget. From the very first day that i met Elena my world seemed to start to fall into place, piece by piece. On that first day she arrived i knew it was the start of something amazing in my life. She graced me with her kindness, her caring nature instantly taking my attention, let alone her beauty. It was from then on that what was at first a work partnership blossomed into a friendship and then a relationship. Each day i spent with her gave me another amazing memory, any bad memories been replaced by all those good memories as time passed on. The times we laughed on tour, the times we spent on our own, just anytime she was there with was amazing. The two of us fought through some experiences that were unrepeatable, those that we tackled and grew stronger with, those that caused us pain and our fair share of hospital visits, but each time we grew stronger as a couple. All leading up to the day i married such an amazing and talented young woman. When I married her, it was without a doubt the happiest day of my life, in that moment it took me to say 'I do', I didn't regret a thing, my life just slipped in place. She gifted me with her kindness and also, she gifted me with a beautiful baby girl. It was when angel was born that knew nothing could be more perfect. I had an amazing wife, and gorgeous daughter and we were happy.

However that changed on that fateful day two weeks ago. That news tore me apart, broke my heart into so many pieces i knew i would never fully recover. She had been cruelly snatched form me and had to leave behind a daughter. That day my world came crashing down until i saw angel out the corner of my eye. Her mothers’ features prominent in her face now that i knew she was gone, i knew that even through the pain Elena would want me to give the best to our daughter, on her behalf. It was once i was informed how helpful and kind Elena had been on that day that i felt the slightest amount of relief. She had helped so many injured people off that underground, something that was in the nature of Elena to do. It was that day that i knew she had left her own mark and memories on so many people that she had never known. She was the girl that saved their lives and had helped out. To be informed that she was helping one stranger her own age really left it’s mark on my heart. The fact that the same person was caring enough to stay with Elena not leave her side at all is something that i thank her for, it is something that will forever stay with me just knowing that people can show such much care in return to such a wonderful woman, and with that i thank you. I know she will be missed by all of us gathered here today and that she will stay in our thoughts and memories. It is with that i ask you to remember the kindness and caring nature that Elena had and to keep the memories of her as strong as possible, she will be truly missed.

As i finished and stepped from the podium i felt tears build up in my eyes, i let them flow unable to keep them bottled up anymore as i took my seat i took a tissue for the already crying Amy who was as yet to give the final speech. She controlled her tears as she stepped up watching as i hugged Angel into my side controlling my own silent tears. I listened to Amy’s speech as more tears rolled down my face. Caleb sat silently on his dad’s lap his own little face on his mum as angel sat in mine her small face buried into my chest as i gently rocked her. As the vicar finished up the ceremony and we exited the chapel i carried angel in my arms. We headed outside where we would be burying Elena. As we stood by where her grave would be i watched the coffin get lowered into the ground, the vicar saying another prayer as this happened. As it came to a rest on the ground below us i held onto the roses, angel stood by my side.

I gently handed angel a small rose as the two of us stepped up to the grave, angel throwing her rose onto the coffin first as i let the rest of the bunch fall. Everyone else then seemed to follow suit dropping a single red rose each onto the coffin before we were to return to Alex’s house. As we got there i kept angel close to me at first as people i had never met walked up introducing themselves to me as family or friends. As the wake continued angel and Caleb were allowed to take their naps. It was during this time i walked into Alex’s kitchen. I knew exactly where the vodka was kept and poured myself a shot before quickly downing it. It was after this i headed out to the other guys thanking them for everything including the singing. This was the longest day i had known but i knew that from now on day by day the pain would ease in it’s slightest and change into more care for angel.