Save the Day

Listen while you read: Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade

Now, I’m not one for any kind of public display of affection. Hugging and holding hands are fine, but making out and stuff of that nature are big no no’s. I’m not one to flaunt and brag that I have a boyfriend, whoever it is. Joe, on the other hand, is. This conflict of opinions has produced many… disagreements.

“Joe, stop.” I whispered as he nuzzled my neck in the greenroom of the venue. Kevin and Nick were playing some video game (I think it was Halo) as they waited for sound check to start.

“Why? You don’t like it?” He said seductively into my ear as he continued.

I sighed and pushed him away, “Not now.” I said more firmly.

“I don’t get it Morgan. Don’t you like me?” He huffed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kevin glance at me. “Of course I do.” I answered, not completely lying. I did like him, just not in the way that he liked me. “I just think stuff like that is a private thing.”

“Private! Morgan, no one is here!”

“Your brothers are and I’m sorry if I don’t want to make out with you in from of them. It’s awkward and uncomfortable!” I yelled back at him.

And don’t even get me started about the whole ‘going public’ issue.

“Why don’t you want to go public?” Joe asked me, annoyance clear on his face and in his tone.

“Um, hello – I FAINTED when you asked me out on stage. What made you think I would want to go public!?”

“You were probably just overwhelmed by the fact that I asked you out – again. You’ll be fine when we go public.”

“We’re not going public!” I practically yelled at him. “You have no idea what happened to me that day.”

“Well we’re going to have to go public eventually and I’d rather do it sooner than later.” He snapped.

“You are unbelievable!” I yelled, throwing my hands into the air. “We’re not going public and that’s final!” I said and stormed out of the room.

My two week deadline was slowly nearing its final days. I had three days left and instead of figuring out some way to break it off – I was stuck on my bus. The guys finished their vocals a few days ago so Uncle John let me layer the music myself and email it to the company (but not without his go of course). Layering all the music wasn’t hard, especially with a Mac; I wasn’t editing it in any way so each song took like five minutes. So this left me a lot of time for myself as the Southeastern land whizzed past as we drove.

Mainly, I was trying to figure out what I was thinking when I said yes. Do I like torturing myself? Do I like feeling upset and depressed? Do I not want to be happy? No, of course not – everyone wants to be happy. But will the world ever let me? After everything, I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to be happy for too long.

The bus came to a crawling stop and I glanced out the window to see why. We were pulled into a rest stop off the highway and it was pitch black outside with the exception of a solitary light next to a door to the bathrooms.

I still didn’t know why we stopped and suddenly the door of my bus opened and someone walked in. I let out a piercing scream.

Nick’s wincing face appeared at the top of the steps as he covered his ears. “Ah Morgan, it’s just me.” He said once I stopped.

I felt a soft blush rise to my cheeks, “Sorry. I didn’t know it was you.”

He walked over and sat on the bench across from me. “Who did you think it was, an ax murderer?” He asked, teasing me.

I narrowed my eyes, “Hey, you never know.” I said but couldn’t stop a smile from forming. “Why did we stop?”

“’Cause Joe had to use the bathroom.”

I made a disgusted face, “And I had to stop as well… why?”

“Oh,” He said blushing. “I need help with a song and I was wondering if you could help me.” He asked as the bus started to roll forward.

“I guess I have to say yes now.” I said laughing, but mentally I was freaking out – I was stuck with Nick for hours with nowhere to hide. He was going to get me to say something that I won’t want to, I just know it.

“Great, come on.” He said, pulling me out of my seat into the back room.

I struggled to contain my laughter, “Wow, you really need help.”

He narrowed his eyes, “You have no idea.” He admitted as we walked into the booth. He sat on the piano bench and sighed, “All I have is a melody and like the words are stuck on the tip of my tongue and they just won’t come out. And that’s never happened to me before and I’m freaking out.”

I let out a small giggle and pulled one of the extra stools next to him. “I can see that.”

His eyes flashed to mine and flew back to the sheet music on the music stand in front of the piano. “What’s this?” He asked, picked up the papers.

My eyes widened in urgency, “Nothing.” I said, quickly ripping the papers out of his hands. “It’s nothing.”

“Morgan,” he said with a warning tone, his eyes meeting mine.

“Nick,” I said mimicking his tone and meeting his eyes, butterflies instantly filling my stomach.

“Come on Morgan,” He whined. “Show me.”

“No,” I said, trying to be forceful, but I knew my voice began to waver.

“Please,” He begged, his big brown eyes growing in size as his bottom lip began to pucker.

“No Nick,” I said sighing, dropping my gaze. “Besides, it’s not even anywhere near finished.”

“Well maybe I can help you – you know? I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “Nice use of a cliché there Nick.”

He smiled, “So is that a yes?”

“Ugh, I hate you so much.”

“No you don’t.” Nick replied matter-of-factly.

“Oh really? And you know this how?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Because I wouldn’t have been able to get to know you as much as I have.”

“Just shut up and play.” I huffed.

He laughed but looked at me confused, “Play what?”

“Your melody,” I replied, smiling. “Your song comes first.”

“Alright, I can deal with that.” Nick said and turned his attention towards the plastic keys. His fingers lightly touched the keys as he began to play his melody.

As he progressed, the song began to sound familiar. I started humming quietly to myself as I tried to figure out why it sounded so familiar. I glanced at Nick’s face for some type of clue, but all I saw was a smirk playing on his lips.

When the bridge came around my eyes widened it realization, “Why are you playing a Mayday Parade song?” I asked eyeing him carefully.

He stopped playing abruptly and turned his entire body to face mine. “Because it’s a good song.”

I held back my smile, “I know that, but why are you playing it now? What about the melody, your song?”

“This is my song.”

My face scrunched in confusion. “No it isn’t.”

“For the moment it is.” He explained, though it didn’t help much.

“What are you talking about?”

He sighed and turned back to the keys. “Sing.”

“What? No, I’m not going t –”

“Just sing the words Morgan!” He practically yelled, cutting me off.

“Fine,” I said, taken aback. Why was he getting pissed off?

Nick sighed once more and began to play the song again. This time, I sang the lyrics:

Katie don’t cry, I know
You’re trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting
Go of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling
And you know its haunting but compared
To your eyes nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky
It’s not mine
But I want it so

Let’s not pretend like you’re alone tonight
I know he’s there and
You’re probably hanging out and making nice
From while across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance
She’ll say yes
Because these words were never easier
For me to say or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I’ll be miserable at best

I opened my mouth to start singing the second verse, but Nick began instead:

You’re all that I hope to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn’t take
‘Cause noting feels like home
You’re a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living is just taking breathes to stay
‘Cause I know I’m good at something
I just haven’t found it yet
And I need it so

Let’s not pretend like your alone tonight
I know he’s there and
You’re probably hanging out and making nice
While across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance
She’ll say yes
Because these words were never easier
For me to say or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I’ll be miserable at best

Nick played the short piano solo while I snag useless words. When the bridge came, Nick started singing again:

And this’ll be the first time in a week
That I talk to you and I can speak
It’s been three whole days and I can’t sleep
‘Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that should leave you alone
But we both know I’m not that strong and
I miss the lips that made me fly
So

Let’s not pretend that you’re alone tonight
I know he’s there and
You’re probably hanging out and making nice
While across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance
She’ll say yes
Because these words were never easier
For me to say of her to second guess
But I guess
That I can’t live without you but
Without you I’ll be miserable
That I can’t live without you but
Without you I’ll be miserable
And I can’t live without you but
Oh, without you I’ll be miserable at best

I stared at Nick while he kept his fingers hovered over the keys after he played the last note. “You uh… you did a good job.” I told him, breaking the tense silence.

“Why are you dating Joe?” Nick blurted, completely ignoring my compliment.

“What!?”

“Why are you going out with my brother?” He asked again, but turned to look at me.

“Ugh, not you too.” I sighed in frustration and rose from my seat. “You and Kevin need to stay out of my business.” I said and walked out of the booth.

“What does Kevin have to do with this? All I did was ask a simple question.” Nick argued following me out. When I didn’t reply, he grabbed my wrist and made me face him. “Answer me.” He demanded, his eyes flaming.

I flinched away from his tightening grasp, “Why should I? It’s not any of your business.”

“I just want to know why you’re with someone who you constantly argue with.”

“I don’t argue with him all the time.” I argued.

He sighed and let go of my wrist, noticing that I really had nowhere to go. “Mostly you do. If it’s not about PDA or going public, it’s about something he’s done or something you said. I don’t like seeing you with someone that you don’t get along with.”

I crossed my arms, “Joe and I get along.” I said despite the fact that what he was said was mostly true.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!” Nick yelled. I shut my eyes trying to stop the impending tears as he calmed down. “Why are you dating Joe?” He asked in a softer tone.

I opened my eyes, a few tears falling in the process, “Because it’s easier.” I whispered.

Nick stepped closer, placing my cheeks in his palm. He used his thumb to wipe away the stray tears. “Easier than what?” He asked softly.

The proximity between the both of us made each part of my body feel like it was engulfed in flames. If I leaned forward just slightly, I would be kissing him; just like I’ve been dreaming about the past few weeks. But I couldn’t, my body wouldn’t move, I couldn’t even speak.

“Easier than what?” He repeated, completely cupping my face with both of his hands.

I couldn’t help but stare directly into his eyes. Concern and curiosity and questions shone through. Tears began to fall harder from my own eyes. “It’s easier than dating someone that I actually like.” I was finally able to muster.

“You don’t like Joe?” He asked, his expression barely changing.

I shook my head, “Not like that.” I replied.

“You should break-up with him.”

“I will.”

“Soon?”

“Soon,” I said, nodding. A smile spread across Nick’s face and I couldn’t help but feel one form on my own face too.