Save the Day

Listen while you read:
Tell Me I'm Wrong - The Morning Of
I Know You Know - The Morning Of
Shine - The Morning Of
Oh Darling - Plugin Stereo ft. Cady Groves

I wasn’t able to sleep for days. I would lie in my bunk, staring at the ceiling, wishing that time would speed up so I could get away. Get away from Joe and his nasty glares. Get away from Kevin and his concerned looks. Get away from Demi, JMan, Mdot, Alyson, and Anna and their confused looks. But most importantly, I wanted – no needed – to get away from Nick. He now knew everything, all because I couldn’t my stupid mouth shut. No one knows completely everything, not even Jenn.

I couldn’t understand what compelled me to spill my guys to him and, at the time, I was glad I did. But now I’m not so sure if it was a good thing. The air around the two of us is different – heavier but lighter at the same time. He knows (almost) every corner of me and I feel extremely exposed, naked. We don’t talk much anymore – though, I haven’t been in a great mood for casual conversation – but I feel him watch me, making sure I wasn’t going to break. I was being treated like a porcelain doll when all I wanted was to be left alone.

Tour was almost over, but (as always) it seemed like the universe wanted to watch me suffer. For the next four days I was stuck in the same house with the people I wanted to get away from. While we were in Texas almost everyone was staying in “el casa de Jonas: Texas edition”. The house was big, but it wasn’t big enough for me to escape and hide until we left. I tried to stay in my guest room as much as possible, but someone – whether it be Demi, Uncle John, or Nick – would always drag me out to socialize… or eat. No one but Kevin and Nick knew what happened on my bus that night; all the rest of them knew was that Joe and I broke up but none of the details, so none of them understood my want, my need for isolation. I needed to figure things out, and I couldn’t do that with people trying to talk to me.

So I would sneak out at night. I didn’t go far, just walked around the neighborhood for a little. It’s not like it was dangerous; it was a gated community and not many people would be driving around at four in the morning. I would walk around and admire the large houses in the dark as I tried to clear my head. It usually took about two or three blocks for me to clear my head before I turned back towards the house.

But I didn’t go inside. I would walk into the backyard and lay in the center of the lawn. The soft earth under my head acted as a pillow as the grass tried to wrap around my arms and legs, but it was the sky that mesmerized me. Even though the moon was just a little sliver in the sky, the stares shone brightly. I have never seen stars so bright and so vivid. There were so many of them too, covering each and every piece of space in the sky.

The light, cool breeze would rustle the tree leaves and blow away my problems. I was able to breathe. I was able to focus. My issues seemed somewhat smaller; less important than what I thought.

But I couldn’t think. All I could do was sing, and that’s what I did.

I spent my days fading away
Like your memoires
I’ve tried so hard but you just stay
I still feel everything

I hate the way you look through me
As if I’m the only wind
The way I feel is permanent
No one can take it away

Tell me I’m wrong
You’ve lost the love you needed most
Tell me I’m wrong
Forgotten everything you know
Tell me I’m wrong
The reasons why I’m letting go
Tell me I’m wrong this time
Please tell me I’m wrong this time

I followed you into the dark
A place where I can forget
Your smile was the only spark
But it felt dissonant

I need some time to be alone
So I can figure it out
I feel you still inside my bones
But there’s no turning around

Tell me I’m wrong
You’ve lost the love you needed most
Tell me I’m wrong
Forgotten everything you know
Tell me I’m wrong
The reasons why I’m letting go
Tell me I’m wrong this time
Please tell me I’m wrong this time

Ohoh
Ohoh
Ohoh

I spent my days fading away
Like your memories
I’ve tried so hard but you just stay
I still feel everything

Tell me I’m wrong
You’ve lost the love you needed most
Tell me I’m wrong
Forgotten everything you know
Tell me I’m wrong
The reasons why I’m letting go

Tell me I’m wrong
You’ve lost the love you needed most
Tell me I’m wrong
Forgotten everything you know
Tell me I’m wrong
The reasons why I’m letting go
Please tell me I’m wrong this time
Please tell me I’m wrong this time
Please tell me I’m wrong this time
Please tell me I’m wrong this time

“What are you wrong about?” The wind carried a voice from behind me. His voice.

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing that the sound really was the wind. “I’m not sure yet.”

“Didn’t you write that song?”

“No.”

I felt the ground beside me shift slightly as he walked over and sat next to me. “Then why sing it?”

I refused to look over at him, “Singing the songs that are stuck in my head usually help me figure things out.” I answered.

“How long does it take?”

“Depends on the situation, usually three to five songs, but this one’s taken a few days.”

“Wow, so your mind is like a huge iPod.”

I couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping my lips, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Have you figured it out yet?”

“Nope,”

“Alright, so continue.”

“What? No, not with you sitting here. You know how I feel about singing in front of people, Nick.”

“Yeah,” Nick started. “But you’ve sang in front of me many times before, you’ll be fine.”

That wasn’t what I was worried about, but against my better judgment I continued. I tried to block out his presence completely, but I couldn’t ignore the electric pulses flying from his body to mine and vice versa.

And I know you’ve heard
You’ve been doing a lot of talking
I don’t have that much to say
And I know you’ve seen
And I know you’ve not forgotten
Haven’t heard your voice in days

I’m a bit tired of feeling weak
And I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
And this time, it stings deep
Woah
I’m lost inside and it’s finally starting to show
And I know you know

And you know I’ve tried
To find those things that we’re were missing
But we were never the same
And I know it’s me
But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking
And would you believe we both were wrong

And I’m a bit tired of feeling weak
And I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
And this time, it stings deep
Woah
I’m lost inside and it’s finally starting to show
And I know you know

I’m a bit tired of feeling weak
So tired but I can’t sleep
And I’ve got things to say but I cannot speak
I’m losing more faith with every week
And I’m lost inside and it’s finally starting to show
And I know you know

I saw Nick watching me intently as I sang. He was trying to figure me out just like I was. When he didn’t say anything, I continued. I was getting closer (finally), I could feel it.

I step outside into the light
The sun is bright, I close my eyes
The summer caught me by surprise
And now I’m left here waiting
For you to tell me how it is
If I could only get a kiss
I could make you take a risk, on a boy who wants this
And now the sun has sunk below
The evening wind now starts to blow
I catch the scent of your perfume
It lifts me higher than the moon

I’ll be fine
If you stay by my side

Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had these feelings before tonight
Can’t get you off my mind
‘Cause you shine girl, oh you know you shine

Your eyes are brighter than the sun
They make me see that you’re the one
Your smile takes my breath away
And leave me nothing to say
You aren’t like any other girl
That I’ve met in this whole world
You’re so much more than they could be
So won’t you please just be with me

I’ll be fine
If you stay the night

Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had this feeling before tonight
Can’t get you off my mind
‘Cause you girl, oh you know you shine

I would give up forever
To see the day
Where the two of us both could just walk away
Hand in hand

Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had this feeling before tonight
Can’t get you off my mind
‘Cause you shine girl, oh you know you shine
Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had this feeling before tonight
Can’t get you off my mind
‘Cause you shine girl, oh you know you shine

I was done. I figured it out, all of it. Finally.

“Um… why did you just sing about a girl?” Nick asked completely serious.

I couldn’t help it; laughter poured out of me in large waves. Tears started streaming down my face as I continued to laugh hysterically, as Nick just sat there completely confused. “What’s so funny?” He asked, though a slightly amused expression read across his face.

I tried to calm down just slightly so I could answer. “Your… face… it’s so… serious.” I spat out between boughs of laughter.

He started laughing too, but probably just laughing at me.

We sat on the lawn for I don’t know how long just laughing. It let out all my tension, my stress. I was finally able to relax. “Oh God, I needed that.” I said finally, trying to regain my breath.

Nick flashed one of his rare smiles at me, “Glad to help. But seriously, why were you singing about a girl?”

I shook my head, a wide grin on my face, “That wasn’t my song, remember? IT’s just too complicated to change pronouns when I do stuff like this.”

“Right… so are you going to continue?” He asked.

“No,”

“No? Why not?”

“Because I figured out what I needed to figure out.”

He scrunched and raised his eyebrows in confusion, “What? How? Those three songs made no sense to me.”

“They did to me,” I said shrugging my shoulders. “Plus, I’ve been doing this since we got here three days ago.”

“Wow, so that whole Joe thing really messed you up.”

I flashed my glance quickly at Nick before staring back up at the stars. “That and other things.”

I heard Nick sigh and saw him lie next to me on the lawn. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

I turned my head to look at him, “Why?”

“Because I feel like there’s been something between us the past few days and I have a feeling that it has to do with what happened in your bunk.”

“Nick, if I didn’t want you to know –”

“You wouldn’t have told me, I know.” He interrupted, repeating the same words I’ve said to him multiple times. “But just tell me that I’m not the only one that feels this way.”

“You’re not.” I answered. “It’s mostly my fault. I didn’t know how to react and live around someone that knows almost everything.”

“There’s more!?” Nick exclaimed, his eyes growing wide.

A soft laugh escaped my lips, “Isn’t there always?”

His eyes shined with intrigue as he laughed slightly. “Touché. But don’t worry, I won’t ask about it… not now anyway.”

My smile grew wider, “Good.”

Suddenly, Nick’s gaze locked onto mine and grew in intensity. “Morgan, can I ask you two questions?”

I found myself incapable of speech, so I just nodded my head; never breaking eye contact.

“The last song you sang before, did you sing about Joe?”

“No,” I answered and it was like everything around us shifted. With that one simple word, the whole atmosphere around Nick and I changed.

“Then can I ask you to do something for me.” Nick asked, hope pulsating off his body.

Again, I only nodded.

“Sing a duet with me.”

“Now?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes, now.”

“Alright…” I faded, unsure about what was going to happen. “But only if it’s actually your song this time.”

Nick just laughed and ran inside. He came back minutes later with a guitar, sheet music, and a portable CD player.

“Um… what’s with the CD player?” I asked.

Nick smirked as he sat down next to me, “I recorded most of the track already.”

“But, how did you know I’d say yes?”

“I didn’t,” He said, pausing shortly. “I really hoped you would.” He said softly. I don’t know why, but this made me blush.

“Um… so yeah, the song. Let’s do this.”

Nick nodded me and showed me what parts I’d sing. He pulled the guitar onto his lap and began playing.

(Nick, Morgan, Both)

You seem quite nice for a girl with good looks
And I’m the kind of fellow that’ll make you feel better when your life gets shook
So give it a chance according to your plans
I bet I’m not number one on your list to kiss,
But please understand

You seem quite shy, but you’re oh so cute
And I’m the kind of girl that would love to be yours if you’d ask me to
So just take a chance, try to hold my hand
I swear I’d never let go
Just let me know if you’d be my man

I really want to come out and tell you
Oh darling, I love you so
If you’d ask me for my heart, there’s no way that I’ll say no
Oh darling, just take a chance please
So we can stay together ‘til hell starts to freeze

You seem quite right for a boy like me
And I wanna know would you treat me well
Would you treat me like a queen
‘Cause I’d like to show you and make you see
That although we’re different types
We were meant to be

I really want to come out and tell you
Oh darling, I love you so
If you’d ask me for my heart, there’s no way that I’ll say no
Oh darling, just take a chance please
So we can stay together ‘til hell starts to freeze

So I gotta ask you
I can’t be afraid
I gotta take a chance at love
So what do you say

Oh darling, I love you so
If you’d ask me for my heart, there’s no way that I’ll say no
Oh darling, just take a chance please
So we can stay together ‘til hell starts to freeze
Oh darling, I love you so
If you’d ask me for my heart, there’s no way that I’ll say no
Oh darling, just take a chance please
So we can stay together ‘til hell starts to freeze

“Wow,” I started after the music stopped. “Someone’s in touch with their feminine side.” I said, nudging Nick slightly with my shoulder.

He just smiled and set the guitar down beside him. “So what do you think?”

“I like it,” I answered. “It’s a little different from your other stuff, but that’s a good thing. I love the random bongos.” I said, laughing slightly.

Nick laughed too, “Yeah, I thought I should just try them at least once. What about the lyrics?”

“What about the lyrics?” I asked hesitantly.

He sighed and ran a hand frustrated though his hair, “What do you think?”

“Oh, um… they’re cute, very lovey-dovey. That was what you were going for right?”

He sighed heavily again, “Yeah, kinda.” Nick said shortly and dropped the subject. An eerie silence wrapped around us, trying to pull out all of the words we were both leaving unsaid.

“What would you say if I told you I wrote that song for you?” He asked with his gaze directly in front of him.

Quickly, my gaze fell onto the side of his face. Even though it was still night, I could see the contours of his face clearly from the moonlight. It was as if he was carved out of a fine marble. He was an existential beauty in the moonlight, I could barely breathe anymore. “What?” I whispered, my voice barely leaving my lips. He couldn’t have written that song about me.

“I wrote that song with you in mind, Morgan.” He said, tilting his head towards mine.

“No way,”

“Yes,”

“No,”

“Morgan, stop telling me ‘no’.” He said getting flippant. “I’m the one who wrote the song and I thought about you while I wrote it!”

“No you didn’t. I refuse to believe it.”

“Why is it so hard to believe? I know you’ve had a shitty past. I know you think that no one wants you, but that’s not true. Julia wanted you, John wants you, Joe wants you, Kevin wants you, Demi, JMan, Alyson, Mdot, Anna – everyone on this tour wants you. I want you.

“I want to listen to you ramble about things that really don’t matter. I want to listen to your music. I want to listen to your voice. I want to see your smile light up your face when you’re happy. I want to listen to your laugh. I want to see you blush whenever I compliment you. I want to go to baseball games and room for opposing teams. I want to run away from the paparazzi and wear wigs to escape them. I want to see how amazing you are at sports and surprise everyone. I want to sing Moulin Rouge with you in hotel rooms. I want to see you in my clothes and think how much better you look in them than I do. I want to take you anywhere you I want. I want to hold your hand. I want to hug you and hold you whenever I want to. I want to cuddle with you when we accidentally fall asleep during a movie. I want to comfort you when you get upset. I want to tell you how amazing you are even though you don’t see it. I want to kiss you whenever I want to.

“I want you to tell me whatever is on your mind, no matter how small. I want you to save me from going insane. I want you to help make my music the best it possibly can be. I want you to make fun of me whenever we do a live chat. I want you to sing with me. I want you to see how my eyes can never leave you for long whenever you’re in the room. I want you to let me get to know you. I want you to be able to count on me. I want you to hug me and hold me whenever you want. I want you to kiss me as much as you want.

“I want you to love me, not because I want to love you, but because I already do.”

He paused briefly and slid closer to me, our legs side by side. He grabbed my hand off my lap and laced his fingers through my own. My eyes continued to dance around his face as I watched him. I couldn’t speak; I couldn’t move. I was in awe.

“I want to be able to do this,” He continued, squeezing my hand gently. “And know that I’m the only one that does.

“I know that you don’t believe in love, and that’s fine. I just want you to give me a chance. I want you to let me prove to you that the entire world isn’t filled with jackasses that try and manipulate people that they barely know. I want to be number one on your list to kiss. No, I want to be the only one.”

I took a sharp breath, “You always have been.” I said softly.

His eyes locked onto mine, emotions flooding his already flooded face. “Wha-what?” He stuttered.

The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, though I knew I didn’t want to. Not this time. “You were the one I’ve wanted since the very first concert, and probably even before that without me knowing. I knew that both you and Joe were ‘competing’ for me; I just didn’t want to believe it. I knew Joe asked me out first only to beat you to it.

“I only said yes because of what has happened to me. I didn’t want you to leave me.

“But now,” I started, taking a deep shaky breath. “Maybe I want to be wanted. I want to be with someone that really wants to be with me and I want to be with too. I want to be able to see that the world isn’t filled with jerks. I want to do anything, as long as I do it with you. Nick, as long as I do it with you, I want to.”

A smile lit up Nick’s face, “Me too.”

I found a smile had formed on my face as well. My eyes, subconsciously, darted down to his lips just as his did to mine. Slowly, our heads inched together before our lips connected. Electricity flowed between our bodies faster than it ever had before. This was what I was missing my entire life.

He was what I was missing.