She Used to Be a Pearl

"C'mon baby, let's go to bed." Derek suggested as he led me up the stairs.

Afraid to do anything else I let him grab my arm and take me to his room.

It was his graduation party. People were drinking and he gave me a cup of something. After I drank it I immediately felt drunk.

We entered his bedroom and he pulled me over to his bed.

He set his drink down and started kissing me. His hands traveled lower and he slid the straps of my tanktop down.

"Derek don't." I said pulling away.

"Don't you love me?" He asked.

"I..."

"That's what I thought." He said sliding the straps down my arms the whole way.

"Please don't do this." I begged.

"Be good and I won't hurt you." He threatened as he grabbed my arms tightly.

"Please...I really don't want to. Anything but this." I cried as tears fell down my face and I became overwhelmingly drowsy.

"Doesn't matter what you say. I get what I want, baby."

_________________________________

I shot up from my bunk and banged my head on the one above me.

"OWW." I cried holding my head.

Tears started to stream down my face and by the taste of my breath I realized that I was also hungover.

I felt the urge to vomit and fell out of my bunk and crawled over to the bathroom.

After emptying my stomach I sat in the bathroom sobbing.

I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Caty?" The voice questioned.

I ignored it and kept crying.

My head hurt, my stomach hurt, and my heart hurt.

The door opened and I turned my head to see John in only his boxers.

With a worried look on his face he rushed over to me.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asked as he brought his thumb to my cheek, wiping my tears away.

"It's not fair!" I cried.

"What's not fair?" He asked.

"What he did to me! He had no right. It's not fair that he did this to me, that I still feel this way after two years!" I sobbed.

John wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him and let me cry into his bare chest.

"Tell me." He whispered.

I cried and shook and he held me through it all.

"It's not fair. It's just not fair." I sobbed.

"No it's not." John whispered as he stroked my hair and held me tight.

"He hurt me and now I'm afraid of everything!"

"You don't have to be. I'm never going to let anything happen to you. I promise." He spoke softly but firmly.

I didn't say anything. I just kept crying.

After a while I got it all out but I still had an unbearable pounding in my head.

John and I had been sitting in silence for a few minutes until he spoke up.

"Do you need anything? Water? Tylenol?" He asked.

"Yes please." I nodded.

"Okay." He said as he got up.

I sat in the bathroom and pulled my knees up to my chest. I felt so stupid crying in front of John. I had known him for two days.

He walked back in the bathroom and handed me the tylenol and water.

"Thank you."

He nodded and sat next to me as I swallowed the pills and drank the water bottle.

"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked.

I nodded, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry for all this..." I sighed.

"You don't remember last night, do you?" He asked grimly.

I shook my head.

He laughed bitterly.

"You know what kills me about all this?" He asked rhetorically. "You still won't tell me what happened. I'm not going to judge you, I just need to know."

I just looked down feeling ashamed that I made him so angry.

"Shit, I'm sorry Caty. I just-"

"He beat me." Johns expression softened and he sat down in front of me. "My ex-boyfriend. It started off normal and then he started getting really possessive. He grabbed me a few times and then it turned into hitting. He made me feel so low that I thought I deserved it. One night we were at a party and he slipped something in my drink... He raped me."

"Caty..." He gasped. "Did you report it?"

I shook my head.

"I went to the hospital but I told them I didn't want to press charges. The next day I moved to Arizona." I finished.

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

John shifted over and took me in his arms once again.

"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. Nobody does." He told me.

"Do you want to know the worst part?" He stayed silent letting me know to continue. "I used to be fun and carefree. He took that from me."

"You don't have to let it be that way. Live it up, be who you really are. There's never going to be another you." He explained softly.

"How can I do that if I'm afraid of everything?"

"Don't be afraid. You're surrounded by good people who care about you."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because...I... Really like you." He stuttered.

"What happened last night?"

"What?" He asked.

"You asked me if I remembered what happened so something important must have happened." I explained.

"I... We, uh... You asked me to stay with you until you fell asleep." He explained.

"Oh... Okay. I'm sorry if you missed the party." I apologized.

"It's fine. I just wanted to know if you maybe... Do you, want to like, possibly do something sometime?"

"Like a date?"

"Only if you're comfortable with that."

"I'd really like that."

He just grinned.

I cannot believe that John just asked me out!

Wait... He didn't have any interest in going out with me yesterday or earlier.

I'm just a pity date.