Your Blackbird
Change of plans.
After Brendon left I just laid on my bed thinking about the day’s drama. I'm sick of this shit, sick of having to take care of everyone and everything. As much as I say I’m old enough and can handle it all it’d still be nice to enjoy these last few months of being a kid. I should be having fun, goofing off, going to parties, getting drunk, having embarrassing flings, creating memories. Good ones that make me think my life was worth something…and I know I complain a lot about how hard I have it but put yourself in my shoes for just a moment. Complaining in my head is all that I can do, it keeps me sane for some reason.
I could hear Hannah and Stacey talking in the room next door. Hannah was saying some name…Brandon? Oh, no Brendon of course. Of course they’d be talking about him. I mean I guess he’s cute. I mean…I don’t really know, I guess I can see why girls liked him. He has nice big brown eyes and this great wide smile. His hair's soft and okay…his ass…I know girls might like it a bit. It’s kind of obvious, his ass I mean. It’s just there, all the time, round and yeah, I don’t want to think about it right now and I definitely don’t want to think about Hannah and Stacey thinking about it.
I wonder what he’s doing, if he’s fine, and what’s going on with his family and him…I’m worried. Brendon never likes letting people down, especially his family and I feel like he’s never felt good enough for them. Not smart enough or even religious enough. We all know he’s talented enough but is that enough? Is being brilliant all he has? No, no, he’s a great guy. He’s amazing. I wish he’d see that. I wished everyone would see what I see.
"Helloooooo." I heard Hannah entering my room and felt my eyes narrow. I still wasn't over the fact that she had been alone with Brendon...I don't know why.
"Yes?" I turned my head down to look at her and her little mini skirt, that must've been like 2 inches long...slut. I mean...whatever.
"I was wondering if Stace could just come sleepover at my place. Your house isn't exactly sending good vibrations or anything."
Beach Boys reference...if I wasn't so pissed off at her I'd approve.
Oh, good vibrations, huh? She's saying I'm not doing a good job of keeping this household in check. She's saying that I don't care about Stacey or myself. She's saying that I'm a failure.
She's completely right.
"Yeah, do whatever the hell you want." I scoffed, leaning my head back on my pillow. I'm doing the best I can though.
"No need to be rude. But okay, I'll drop her off at your school tomorrow."
Hannah doesn't go to the same school as Stacey and I. She goes to some private school and has to wear those stupid private school uniforms that all the guys at my school drool over.
Damn, Britney Spears and her music video with that schoolgirl outfit making everyone all horny and shit.
"Yeah, okay bye."
She rolled her eyes and headed towards the staircase. I saw Stacey following her, carrying a bag of clothes and stuff.
I guess she was planning to leave whether I said yes or not. Why else would her bag already be packed before I officially confirmed her plans?
"Stacey!" I called after her, springing off of my bed. I wasn't going to yell about it. That would've been stupid...I just wanted to say a few things.
"Hey, come here kiddo." I dragged her over into a tight hug.
I love her so fucking much. I can't explain it. Sometimes I do it all for her. She's the reason why I stopped cutting after mom's death. I have to live for her. I mean we have two older siblings, Daniel and Matthew, but they're never around. Dan moved to California 5 years ago and rarely calls or even acknowledges that he has family and the last time we saw Matt was 2 years ago on complete accident, we had run into him at a restaurant and all he did was sputter and say that he was going to stop by but things kept getting in the way and blahblah. The truth is they're embarrassed. Their mom's dead, their dad's a drunk, I'm depressed, and Stacey...I don't know why they've never reached out to her because she's fucking perfect and beautiful and sweet. I can understand why they don't give a shit about my dad or I but when they stopped caring about Stacey I stopped giving a fuck about them.
She hugged back just as tight. I never get super emotional about stuff but it was hard not tearing up right then and there.
I have to keep going for her.
"I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay, Ry?" she pulled back, looking me in the eyes as I nodded. She placed a quick kiss on my check and smiled. "I love you." she said.
"I love you, too. Just don't let Hannah influence you over the next 24 hours, okay? I swear to god if I see you in tank tops paired with 2 inch skirts you're not going to be loving me anymore."
"Whatever you say, Ryan." she laughed and continued on her way.
"I mean it, Stace!"
"Okay, Ryan." I heard the door slam.
Maybe I should sleep at Brendon's after all...
I checked on my dad. He was still 100% out of it. I'd say he won't be waking up until noon tomorrow...
Before I knew it I was also on my way out the door.
It was kind of sad how happy I felt knowing that after a 10 minute walk I'd get to see my best friend again.
I could hear Hannah and Stacey talking in the room next door. Hannah was saying some name…Brandon? Oh, no Brendon of course. Of course they’d be talking about him. I mean I guess he’s cute. I mean…I don’t really know, I guess I can see why girls liked him. He has nice big brown eyes and this great wide smile. His hair's soft and okay…his ass…I know girls might like it a bit. It’s kind of obvious, his ass I mean. It’s just there, all the time, round and yeah, I don’t want to think about it right now and I definitely don’t want to think about Hannah and Stacey thinking about it.
I wonder what he’s doing, if he’s fine, and what’s going on with his family and him…I’m worried. Brendon never likes letting people down, especially his family and I feel like he’s never felt good enough for them. Not smart enough or even religious enough. We all know he’s talented enough but is that enough? Is being brilliant all he has? No, no, he’s a great guy. He’s amazing. I wish he’d see that. I wished everyone would see what I see.
"Helloooooo." I heard Hannah entering my room and felt my eyes narrow. I still wasn't over the fact that she had been alone with Brendon...I don't know why.
"Yes?" I turned my head down to look at her and her little mini skirt, that must've been like 2 inches long...slut. I mean...whatever.
"I was wondering if Stace could just come sleepover at my place. Your house isn't exactly sending good vibrations or anything."
Beach Boys reference...if I wasn't so pissed off at her I'd approve.
Oh, good vibrations, huh? She's saying I'm not doing a good job of keeping this household in check. She's saying that I don't care about Stacey or myself. She's saying that I'm a failure.
She's completely right.
"Yeah, do whatever the hell you want." I scoffed, leaning my head back on my pillow. I'm doing the best I can though.
"No need to be rude. But okay, I'll drop her off at your school tomorrow."
Hannah doesn't go to the same school as Stacey and I. She goes to some private school and has to wear those stupid private school uniforms that all the guys at my school drool over.
Damn, Britney Spears and her music video with that schoolgirl outfit making everyone all horny and shit.
"Yeah, okay bye."
She rolled her eyes and headed towards the staircase. I saw Stacey following her, carrying a bag of clothes and stuff.
I guess she was planning to leave whether I said yes or not. Why else would her bag already be packed before I officially confirmed her plans?
"Stacey!" I called after her, springing off of my bed. I wasn't going to yell about it. That would've been stupid...I just wanted to say a few things.
"Hey, come here kiddo." I dragged her over into a tight hug.
I love her so fucking much. I can't explain it. Sometimes I do it all for her. She's the reason why I stopped cutting after mom's death. I have to live for her. I mean we have two older siblings, Daniel and Matthew, but they're never around. Dan moved to California 5 years ago and rarely calls or even acknowledges that he has family and the last time we saw Matt was 2 years ago on complete accident, we had run into him at a restaurant and all he did was sputter and say that he was going to stop by but things kept getting in the way and blahblah. The truth is they're embarrassed. Their mom's dead, their dad's a drunk, I'm depressed, and Stacey...I don't know why they've never reached out to her because she's fucking perfect and beautiful and sweet. I can understand why they don't give a shit about my dad or I but when they stopped caring about Stacey I stopped giving a fuck about them.
She hugged back just as tight. I never get super emotional about stuff but it was hard not tearing up right then and there.
I have to keep going for her.
"I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay, Ry?" she pulled back, looking me in the eyes as I nodded. She placed a quick kiss on my check and smiled. "I love you." she said.
"I love you, too. Just don't let Hannah influence you over the next 24 hours, okay? I swear to god if I see you in tank tops paired with 2 inch skirts you're not going to be loving me anymore."
"Whatever you say, Ryan." she laughed and continued on her way.
"I mean it, Stace!"
"Okay, Ryan." I heard the door slam.
Maybe I should sleep at Brendon's after all...
I checked on my dad. He was still 100% out of it. I'd say he won't be waking up until noon tomorrow...
Before I knew it I was also on my way out the door.
It was kind of sad how happy I felt knowing that after a 10 minute walk I'd get to see my best friend again.
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay, just now finished this up. I realize the pace is going a little slow but it's going to pick up faster right after this chapter. :) And don't worry, Jon and Spencer are going to show up soon too haha. I have a lot of surprises in store.