You've Made Your Bed

Lauren laid in the hospital bed soundless. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe by herself, she couldn’t even tell Josh she loved him. Josh sat at the side of the bed with his head in his hands, he couldn’t believe he’d let this happen, he should have been there for her. He cried over it every night since the incident happened. Everyone had told him it wasn’t his fault, that he couldn’t have known, but he knew something was wrong with her. Josh just wanted someone to listen to him and understand him instead of just dismissing his thoughts and saying he was stupid.

Matt sat at home on his own, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, he’d spiralled out of control and no one could stop him. They thought he was attention seeking, but they didn’t know he was drowning his depression in alcohol. He didn’t want to be feeling the was he was feeling; he felt like it was his fault. Lauren had said it was his fault before she acted on her feelings, Matt just wished he had the chance to apologise; to tell her he didn’t mean anything that happened.

Max was crushed, on the outside he seemed strong. He tried to be strong for Josh although on the inside he was slowly falling to pieces. His heart was broken and no one noticed or even asked if he was okay; it was all about Josh being okay. Max didn’t want to say anything; he knew Josh needed help and he didn’t want to take the people that were helping away from him. Max stayed silent, only eating and washing when necessary, he wasn’t his happy hyper self anymore. He barely spoke.

Chris wasn’t really bothered by anything that was happening. He was more worried about Josh’s condition then Laurens. If she were to stop breathing one of these days, he wouldn’t even blink an eyelid. Some would say he couldn’t wait for her to stop breathing so everyone could finally move on and forget her. Everyone knew how he felt towards her and knew they couldn’t do anything about it. They just hoped he wouldn’t do something stupid.

Dan was trying to cope but everything seemed to be going downhill in his life. He had caught Charlie cheating on him after being together for two years and a couple of months. He’d forgiven her obviously, but he was being so paranoid now. Dans parents were going through a divorce and his sister had just had a miscarriage. Dan felt as though he was going to crack any minute; and when he cracked, he was going to crack big time. He was going to scream, he was going to cry and he was surely going to tell everyone what he thought.

“Lauren” Josh sighed nudging the girl in the bed, it had become a daily routine now. He would come in at 9am for visiting hours, he would walk into the room, kiss her on the forehead and then nudge her to see if she had woken up. He’d never given up hope, he knew she would get better. Josh let out a sigh and leaned back in his bed, “Matt was drunk again yesterday... he walked into a door” Josh smiled, he wanted to keep her filled in with everything that was happening in their lives.

“Josh?” Matt asked from the door, Josh turned around to look at his best friend.

“Matt?” Josh was clearly confused that the black haired boy was here. Matt had never visited Lauren, he didn’t want to because he knew if he saw her on the hospital bed, he would break down.

“Can I speak to her?” Matt questioned, his gaze flew over to the girl in the bed. He could feel his heart breaking. He was such a bad friend.

“Well, it’ll be a one way conversation” Josh chuckled lightly, trying to brighten the mood. Matt gave a small smile back to his friend, he wasn’t even going to try and laugh. Josh sighed giving up with trying to make Matt laugh, “I’ll leave you with her for a while”. Josh stood from the seat next to the bed and left the room closing the door carefully behind him.

Matt let out the breath he’d been holding and sat in the seat Josh had been sitting in moments before he entered the room. “Hey Lauren” Matt sighed, his hand came out and grabbed hers, he gasped when he felt how cold it was. He squeezed his eyes shut hoping he would keep the tears from falling out of his eyes.

“I just... I wanted to say that I- I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done to you. I gu-guess you were right I did cause all these problems”, Matt let out a sob and clutched Laurens hands tighter, “I love you Lauren”. Matt was oblivious to the fact Josh was standing behind him listening with a frown on his face. “I love you so much, and if I could swap places with you right now I would” Matt cried, he sniffled and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“Matt...” Josh started.

Matt turned around with wide eyes, “Josh?” Matt gasped. Matt dropped Laurens hand and flew up from his seat, “How much did you hear?”.

“Everything. You love her?” Josh frowned, Matt sighed and looked at Josh with tears in his eyes.

“Not like that Josh” Matt said, he bowed his head in shame, “I can’t have her like this Josh, it hurts so fucking much to see her lying in that bed because of what I’ve done”. Matt was a mess at this point, Josh didn’t even know what to say.

“Stop being selfish” Josh snapped. Matt stared at Josh confused, he didn’t understand how he was being selfish in any way. He had finally stopped turning to alcohol to help his problem and told his best friend, and in return his best friend had called him selfish.

“How am I being selfish?” Matt asked trying his hardest not to yell at Josh. He was furious with the way Josh was responding to him finally telling someone how he felt. He’d sat and listened to everyone else for long enough.

“You think you’re the only who’s hurting!” Josh screamed. Matt couldn’t believe what his best friend was saying.

“I never said that Josh! You know I didn’t say that! You’re just wanting all the attention, you think that because you were ‘with her’ when all of this happened that you’re the only one that’s hurting. Imagine how Max feels! We’ve all been shit friends, we’ve ignored the poor boy, not once asking if he was okay” Matt yelled, “We’ve all been selfish, but for gods sake Josh, you’re the worst”

“Me attention seeking? You’re the one coming back home at stupid times reeking of alcohol. You’re putting on some stupid act trying to grab as much attention as possible. Well guess what Matt, no one gives a shit, go fucking get alcohol poisoning and kill yourself or something” Josh shouted.

“Clever man Josh. One of my best friends is lying in a hospital bed, after fucking trying to kill herself, and you’re telling me to kill myself? You should be the one in that fucking hospital bed! And if it was you, I’d be laughing so fucking hard you arrogant prick” Matt roared.

“Oh shut the fuck up Matt. Max doesn’t care, you know he doesn’t, he hasn’t shown any care towards her once!”

“Are you being serious Josh? Max is crushed, it’s obviou-”

“Why haven’t you spoken to him and helped him then?” Josh said interrupting Max.

“Because I’ve been busy trying to sort myself out. Seeing Lauren has made me realise what Max is going through right now, and you know what? I think Max is probably worse than all of us, he needs help right now!” Max yelled.

“Fuck off and help him then!”

Matt glared at Josh before grabbing his coat of the seat, “You know what Josh? You don’t deserve anyone. I’m going to help Max and talk to him because he deserves that much” Matt turned to Lauren, “Get better soon sweetheart” He murmured running his hand along her cheek. With one more glare at Josh, Matt walked out of the hospital room.

Matt left the hospital angrily, he was annoyed at Josh and the world, he couldn’t believe how quickly things had gone down hill for them all. Josh didn’t know what had just happened, he had his first proper argument with one of his best friends. He didn’t blame himself at all – it was Matts fault they were arguing.

“Max?” Matt asked when he walked into the large house all five of the best friends shared. There was shuffling from the kitchen signalling he was in there. Max frowned when he heard Matt calling for him, what did he want? No one had even bothered to make an effort to even speak to him since the incident. Matt walked around the corner and gasped when he saw the state Max was in. Max hadn’t shaved in a month and his eyes were red and blotchy obviously from all the crying he’d been doing.

“Matt?” Max questioned weakly, Matt frowned and ran towards his best friend pulling him in a large hug, he’d been too absorbed in himself to notice what his friend had been going through.

All it took was a hug for Max to cry. To let all of his emotions run wild. “Shh Shh, it’s okay Max” Matt whispered holding Max into him tightly and rubbing his back soothingly.

“I miss her so much” Max sobbed. Matt nodded in understanding. They spent the rest of the day locked up in Matts room with popcorn and icecream – no alcohol – and a movie. They shared casual conversation and tried their hardest to comfort one another about Lauren. They were closer now then they had ever been before.

Dan and Charlie were in their room discussing things – for example the fact she cheated on him. “Why did you do it?” Dan asked, Charlie leaned back against the headboard with a sigh, they’d spoken about it once, and Dan hadn’t ever asked that question.

“Dan...” Charlie warned, she wasn’t ready to speak about why she done it and Dan certainly wasn’t going to wait.

“No Charlie. It’s been 3 weeks since I found you, how long had you been sleeping with him?” Dan questioned, Charlie stood up and started pacing around the room, “I find it funny Charlie, that I catch you as soon as Lauren goes into a coma. She’s been in a coma for a month now Charlie, don’t you feel guilty?”

“Why would I feel guilty?” Charlie frowned, “What she done to herself had nothing to do with me! Why are you blaming me Dan?”

“I’m not blaming you” Dan said with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes you are” Charlie shot back. Dan was running out of patience, everything bad was happening to him and he wasn’t getting any explanations. “Just be quiet Dan, you said a week ago we could forget everything that happened. You said you’d forgive me and we could start over!” Charlie yelled, Dan laid away from her on the bed with his arms crossed angrily.

“Don’t tell me to be quiet Charlie”

“Don’t have a go at me for something I don’t want to speak about” Charlie sighed, “I don’t want to argue with you over this Dan. Can we please just forget about it? I don’t want to speak about something I regret so much”. She closed her eyes and let a tear fall down her face.

“Well I do want to speak about it Charlie, you knew when I forgave you that I wanted to speak to you about it. I told you I did and you said you understood. Look, I don’t want to argue with you either but I can’t forget about it until you just talk to me about it!”

“Fine then” Charlie sighed in defeat, “What do you want to know?”. Dan sat up on the bed and crossed his legs under him looking at Charlie while she took a seat on the end of the bed and gazed at him.

“Why did you have sex with Josh?”