Living Our Lives So Irrationally

I stood in barely any clothing. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes and standing in the doorway. It wasn't even six in the morning and the sun wasn't even showing yet. “I'm going to miss you” I said teeth chattering as I hugged Matt. I had a pair of shorts on and only a shirt of his on. “I'm going to miss you too. I love you, I'll call you when we get there” he assured. I nodded and watched as he got on the bus which had arrived. I waved feeling a ping of sadness as the large home on wheels drove off. I shut the door thanking myself in my head that they hadn't picked him up yet. His house was last on the list which made my life easier.
I locked the front door and turned around to head back upstairs when the house phone rang. “Forgot something already Matt” I asked out loud rolling my eyes and grabbing the phone. “Hello?” “Em...” He spoke. “Um, hey, what do you want Jimmy?” I asked walking up stairs like I had originally planned and walked into the bedroom. “Listen, maybe I was wrong” he spoke seriously. “Well what do you want. You have three weeks before you return home and three weeks before I really start planning my wedding, so what do you want, me or not?” I asked harshly. He stayed silent on the other end. “How am I suppose to deal with it Emily? Something like OH HEY MATT YOU KNOW HOW YOU AND EMILY AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE, WELL I'M BANGING HER, I HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS!?” He snapped. I rolled my eyes.

“I don't know James! You started this if I remember correctly!” “Hah, honey no I didn't” “Yeah you did, Matt's birthday party, you kind of pushed me into the bathroom where we fucked!” He huffed on the other end of the phone. “Well sorry I like to party and sorry I was drunk but it was your fault for being such a fucking tease!” he snapped the sound of zipping was heard in the back ground; he must have been doing some last minute packing. I sighed loudly. “I don't know. I really don't” “Maybe we should just tell him the truth...and let him hate us” I sighed in defeat. “NO. That could put the band in jeopardy!” “Matt wouldn't do that Jimmy, plus you two have been good friends since middle school I doubt he'd hate you. Let me confess it to him. At least it would be better if I told him them him blaming you” I stated. I had a strong feeling that he wasn't very happy with this choice but I had nowheres else to run.

“Hey, I won't even bring you into this ok. I'll make up a fake person I was cheating on him with and then you won't have to worry about the band being involved at all” I suggested. “Lying to him more won't get you any farther Em” he lowly spoke. “I'll text you later or something ok, they're going to be here any minute. I love you” “I love you too” I spoke and we hung up. I sighed. Now I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again.

I spent a good few hours lying in the king sized bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking everything through in my head. I planned on telling him face to face. It would be harder but then again not pathetic like most fucks do by emailing someone or telling it over a phone message. I didn't want to just break it up with him. I still wanted to keep in touch with Matt. I loved him. He had been my best friend for years. I just wasn't in love with him.

“Its time to get up” I said out loud. Doing what I said and heading into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror before stripping down out of my clothes and jumping into the shower turning on the hot water and letting it cascade over my body. The bathroom soon fogged up and I was left to wash my thoughts wash down the drain as I lathered my body in scented soaps and washes. Once finishing and turning off the water I grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower wrapping the soft fabric around me. I smiled grabbing a facecloth and wiping down the mirror which was covered in mist. Once I could see myself I made a weird face and laughed. I looked down to grab my hairdrier when I noticed I had gotten a new text message.

JOS: I miss you.

I smiled and picked up the device texting him back.

Em: I miss you too baby. Love you.

I sighed and then placed it back on the counter. I really was fucking up and the worst part was. I couldn't stop. I was addicted to sneaking around on Matt and reality was going to hit me hard in the face when he would soon realize what I had actually been doing behind his back. I had poor choice who to fall in love with. It HAD to be both his best friend and band mate. I felt more than sorry for myself. I had to find a way to stop this without hurting both of them at once.