How To Save A Life

Axel's Point Of View

Life was an endless tunnel of darkness and questions for me. I felt as though everyone else had a roadmap to life, but mine was lacking. I had no destination, no set terrain, and no clue of how to get anywhere. All I had was an open sea tucked into a dark long tunnel. And that light up ahead… I had a sinking feeling that it was a frat train; coming to take away what little I have left.

The light hitting my close eyelids illuminated the dark with a reddish orange glow. Slowly I blinked my heavy, tired eyes, squinting into the all too-bright- light that streamed through my window. It figured. I had over slept again. Mom would be up here in no time knocking at my door telling me to get my lazy ass out of bed.

With a tired yawn I rolled over; my face landing into the lap of another man. A soft hand slowly started stroking my hair. “This explains a lot,” I said simply, sitting up and yawning as my head throbbed to the beat of the percussion band playing in my head. “Sorry honey, you must be new to this. First thing you should have known, is you don’t stay until morning. You need to leave now, before my mom sees you in here.”

The boy made a face. “But you-“ he started.

“Second thing you should know; I’d say anything to get you in bed. You’ve been in bed with me and now I’m asking that you kindly leave, or I’ll make you in a very unkind way,” I said, stretching as another yawn rolled through my tired body.

The boy angrily got out of bed, tugging on his cloths. He snatched up my phone and programmed his number in. “I’m Jeremy. Call me if you want something real,” he said, pulling open my window and tossing my phone on the bed.

The cold air on my naked flesh caused me to shiver once involuntarily. “This is as real as it gets honey,” I told the boy. “Sex is all there is, so you might as well get used to it now.”

“There’s more to it,” Jeremy said. “When you figure that out… call me. Okay? I want to see you again.” After the words were out of his mouth the boy slid over the side of the roof, dropping to the ground and taking off running.

With a sigh I laid down, spreading out my arms and sinking deeper into my bed. I had no recollection of what all the boy and I had done, but it’s safe to assume sex. I was gay, no doubt about that. But my parents didn’t know and neither did most of my friend for my first 10 years in school. I didn’t feel the need to proclaim my gayness to the world. What I did in my free time was my business, and no one else’s. That was my view on my sexuality.

However, my father had not had the same feeling. Out of respect (and I’ll admit a little rage and booze helped draw it out of me) I told my father three months ago that I was gay.

He said some things, I said some things, and the next morning he was on the first flight out to a conference out of the country; a conference that me and my mother had known nothing about until the last second. He then was recruited to stay there for a year on an exchange program.

He took it.

It’s safe to say my dad doesn’t accept that his son is gay.

My mother took it a little better. At first she was shocked (I do come across as straight a lot of the time with my attitude). After the entire shock with me and my dad leaving it was too much and for a few days she avoided me and cried in her room. I felt terrible. I love my mother, and here I was, hurting her. But after a few more days she came out of hiding and we started doing things together; making cookies, watching soap operas, and she got to know her son better. She still doesn’t understand a lot of it, but she tries and she loves me anyway.

There was a knock on my door and then it opened. My mom’s head popped in. Her long, thick black hair fell into her emerald eyes and smiled at me. “I thought you were still asleep,” she said, and she stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. She instantly started to pick up my dirty cloths, throwing them into the dirty laundry.

“I woke up just a little bit ago,” I informed my mother, and I slid out of bed, adjusting my boxers and walked over to my closet; pulling out my To Write Love On Her Arms tee, and a pair of black skinnies. I slid them on as I told my mom I had a head ache.

“I’ll go get you a few pain killers,” mom said, before pausing. “You really have a headache… right?” Her eyes turned slightly pained and I instantly regretted last summer.

“I’m not lying mom, you’re monitoring me anyway,” I said softly, lightly touching her arm. “I just want something to take the edge off of my throbbing head. It doesn’t even have to be a full dosage.”

Mom gave me a soft smile before giving a curt nod. She then rushed off to find the medication she had stashed away. I watched her retreat from the room before sitting on my bed and putting my face in my hands. I had ruined everything.

I don’t know how you put up with me mom… I don’t know how…