Broken Soul

Four months later.

Dannie opened her eyes and sat up in her bed. She glanced around and remembered she was still in her hotel room. It was still dark outside and she heard the rain falling against the windows. The sound was hardly comforting. She couldn’t stop thinking about her dream. And how real it seemed. For the past four months, she had dreams in Evan’s point of view. It didn’t make any sense to her and she never told anyone. Not to mention, they just made her miss him even more. She sighed deeply and felt her eyes swell up with tears. But she bit her lip and supressed them. Everyday she seemed to feel more depressed and empty. Since the day he left it was almost like most of her hapiness had departed with him. She looked at the digital clock beside her bed. 2:57 am. There was such a heavy void inside of her heart and only one person could fill it. Maybe he’s home now.. she thought and picked up her cell phone from the nightstand. She had already tried calling him at least thirty times over the past four months but he would never answer. A shred of hope was still alive as she held onto it, wishing that this time, he just might be there.

This time, it would be different.

Dannie selected his home number and put the phone to her ear, listening to the rings and wanting the sound of his voice to interrupt them and finally bring her comfort.

But this time was just like all the others before it.

“God, Evan, please answer…” she uttered to herself, keeping her tears at bay. He never did. The answering machine kicked on like always. She decided to leave one more message he’d probably never even listen to. “Hey, Evan, are you there?…It’s Dannie. I’m sorry if you are and if I woke you…But yeah, please call me when you get this…I just need to know you’re okay…I miss you so much…Okay, I’ll talk to you later…I hope. Bye.”

She never expected to miss anyone as much as she missed him.

* * * * *

Dannie sat on the couch in the lounge, staring out the window as the bus drove through the rain. All she could think about was Evan. Always. He practically lived inside of her mind. If she tried concentrating on something else, he’d end up creeping back in. Always uninvited. Always tormenting her. It was getting to the point where she couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Hey,” Bryan greeted, breaking her thoughts for a moment as he approached her. She didn’t even look at him. “You still mad at me?”

Dannie did not reply or move. It was an obvious yes.

“Come on, it’s been months,” he said, sitting beside her, hoping she’d look at him. They went through this almost every day. “You can’t stay mad like this forever.”

After nearly a minute of silence, she softly said, “I miss him…” Tears were forming in her eyes and he could see them.

“We all do.”

“I just don’t know if he’s alive or if he’s in trouble or hurt,” she added sadly. “He’s still just a baby…”

“No, he isn’t,” he disagreed. “He can take care of himself.”

“I still can’t believe you replaced him with-” she began but stopped talking when the subject of her sentence stepped inside the room. His cold, dark eyes stared at her for a moment. They were so deep and black, like a starless night. Evan’s replacement’s name was Erick. His skin was pale and his hair was white. It was almost the same length as Evan's. His long, snowy bangs parted over his eyes, hiding his inner thoughts and secrets. He knew she was talking about him. He refused to get into one of their daily arguments and walked on. He had already given up trying to make her like him. “How could you let him near Evan’s equipment?” she asked, glaring at Bryan. “He doesn’t even deserve to look at it.”

“Dannie, I told you-“

“I know,” she interrupted. “You’ll find a better replacement later. But I don’t want to replace him at all. It’s just not the same…”

"Can't you just give Erick a break?" Bryan asked. "I mean, really, why do you detest him so
much?"

Dannie rolled her eyes away and shrugged. "He's annoying..."

"No, he isn't," Bryan said. "He does his job, he doesn't bother anybody."

"Okay, fine, he's..." Dannie couldn't even think of a valid reason.

Bryan knew why though. "He's not Evan. Is that it?"

"I guess..." In her mind, no one can replace him. No matter how talented or nice Erick was, he’d never compare to Evan in her eyes.

"Well, Evan isn't here anymore," he reminded her. "And hating Erick is not going to bring him back."

"I can't help it," she told him. "I've just never liked him since I met him. I can't just make it go away."

"You've never disliked anyone in your entire life," Bryan observed. "And then you just start with him."

"I told you, I can't explain it," she replied. "I just do not like him. Plain and simple."

"Well all this tension is making the rest of us uncomfortable," he informed her. "Just take it down a notch."

"Does he talk about me behind my back?" Dannie wondered, getting a little paranoid.

"Oh, come on, Dannie!-" Bryan was getting impatient.

"Well, does he??"

"No, he doesn't," he answered her. "You trash him left and right but he has never said one negative thing about you. Are you happy?"

Dannie didn't believe him. "You're lying..."

"Christ...." Bryan muttered in frustration. "I'm not going to start this today. I give up with you." He just decided to leave her alone.

Dannie watched the rain outside again, thinking everything over. Maybe she was too hard on Erick. And maybe she was mad at herself and took it out on him. Bryan was probably right but she didn't want to admit it. Dannie reached into her hoodie's pocket and took out Evan's phone. He had forgotten it on the bus by accident on the night he left. She always held onto it, looking through his photos of them and wondered if they'd ever be together again.