Status: ACTIVE AGAIN!!!! :D
Between a Little Piece of Heaven and the Danger Line
Make Me Feel Better
I had never felt so emotionally shit in my life. This moment was right up there with Jimmy’s death. Zacky had made me feel so pathetic for breaking my promise, and that on top of my father’s disbelief and disappointment was just killing me on the inside. I only wanted to drink more, to get rid of any sense I had until I had that numb feeling again, but because of Zacky, I resisted the bad urge.
Instead, I talked about how I felt. I recounted my conversation with my father to Zacky, making sure I explained it all and included every emotion in it. Zacky just sat there nodding and listening intently until I got up to the bit where I had returned home and wanted alcohol to make it all better. As I explained that part, Zacky stood and sat next to me, putting his arms around me and letting my cry into his chest. He just seemed like he understood my pain. It was like he knew exactly what it was like to have his father not accept the fact he was gay (even though I knew this wasn’t true since his family meeting had gone perfectly) and in the end, I felt a lot better. Alcohol wasn’t the right way to numb the pain; Zacky was.
A few more days passed of casual in-the-studio days. We were working on lyrics, mainly, and just perfecting the few songs we already had. Mike was a big help, although the studio still felt so empty without Jimmy. After we had finished for the day on Tuesday, we all went to his grave together and mourned together. To me, it seemed like we were all doing a lot better, as if we were handling the situation a lot better and moving on with life. There was no point in stopping living because Jimmy had. We had to continue on and live our dreams for him.
The paparazzi were crazy. Everyone wanted to know the truth about our relationship, but none of them were finding it out. Zacky and I had agreed to tell the band and our friends to not talk to the press until we had decided what we were going to do about it. We were really considering making a short video to post on our official site to show Zacky and I telling the truth, but we needed to figure out what we wanted to say to our fans and the media. It was difficult. But both of us had agreed to not make the first move until my father had decided whether or not I was still his son. As soon as my family was okay with it, we’d address the public. But unfortunately, I hadn’t heard a word from Dad since he told me to get out of his house because I wasn’t his son anymore. It broke my heart, but Zack got me through the crappy days.
On Thursday, I started feeling sick. My head starting hurting for no reason and I kept on sniffing and coughing more than I usually would. Of course, I couldn’t concentrate that day, so left the studio early to go home and rest. And the next morning it really hit me. I guess the cold wanted to hit me really good one more time before the summer came. Friday morning I woke with a throbbing head, blocked nose, dry throat, and I just felt overall groggy. Not good. As I hit my alarm off I let out a wheezy cough and after trying to get up out of bed but failing, I just laid back and reached for my phone. I saw the gorgeous picture of Zacky beaming as I kissed his cheek and managed a smile of my own. After I searched through my contacts I found Matt and sent a quick text to him to say I was too sick to come in today, Matt soon replying that was ok and he’d update me later on what happened. Then, I rested my phone back on the table and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep.
When I woke again, there were a few messages on my phone. It was now in the afternoon and Matt had texted to say they just worked on more lyrics and recorded some bass before calling it quits early because Mike had family business to attend and Johnny had a date. The other texts were from Zacky, telling me that he loved and missed me and hoped that I was feeling better soon, which only made me melt on the inside. He was such a little sweetie...
You know what would make me feel better babe? I text him, knowing Zacky would pick up on the mischievous tone. I got up and used the bathroom and when I returned to my bed, I noticed that Zacky had already replied.
Hmmm... Me? ;) read the text and I grinned. As I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose, I pondered on what I could say.
I really wanna see you, but I don’t want you to get sick too :( I decided to send him, leaving it up to him for what he’d end up doing.
I’ll risk it. I want you to feel better :) he replied shortly after and I knew he’d be driving, so I didn’t bother texting him back. Oh he was the best boyfriend ever... I think only one of my previous boyfriends had come around when I was sick, and the others had just avoided me so they themselves didn’t become sick too. At the time, I didn’t blame them, but now I realised they can’t have cared too much, unlike Zacky who clearly cared a lot.
I drifted back to sleep, waking up when I felt the bed sinking next to me. My eyes opened blearily, only to see Zacky’s handsome face staring down at me.
“You’re here...” I whispered hoarsely before coughing a few times, followed by a loud sniff. Zacky just smiled in a sweet and caring way, causing a tiny grin of my own to spread across my lips. He made me so happy...
“Have you been in bed all day?” he asked in a quiet voice and I nodded.
“Went to the bathroom before, but that’s it,” I grumbled.
“So no food?” he questioned.
“Nope.”
“Well, you need food to get some energy back, you know that. I’ll go cook you something delicious,” Zacky said before leaning over and kissing my forehead. My smile got larger and I stared into Zacky’s stunning eyes.
“Thanks... I love you, Zacky,” I said as my eyelids felt heavy. All this talking was making me drowsy...
“I love you too, honey. You sleep, I’ll be back in a while,” he whispered as he stood up. I let my eyes fall shut and once I couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore, I slipped into a nice dream where Zacky (with his usual black hair) and I were hanging out on an empty beach. We both wore only board shorts, and I just couldn’t stop stealing glimpses of his fine torso. He had no clue how sexy he looked... Just as I thought that, Zacky suddenly headed for the water and I followed him, taking a quick dip to cool off before we walked across the beach ankle-deep in the water and holding hands. I couldn’t stop staring at Zacky, especially now that his hair was wet and little droplets of water were scattered across his soft skin. He was stunning...
We stopped walking in the water when we reached a little secluded area of the beach where there was a large blanket set up on the sand. On top of the blanket was a huge picnic basket, and after we sat down facing each other, Zacky opened it to reveal tons of food. After pigging out on delicious food and chatting to each other, Zacky suddenly leaned over and placed his lips on mine. Even though he took me by surprise, I managed to kiss him back, my hands soon roaming over that gorgeous body that I had longed for ever since I had entered the dream. As Zacky pushed me backwards onto the blanket and straddled me, not breaking the contact between our lips, I remembered this was only a dream. This wasn’t really happening. This romantic day at the beach wasn’t really happening. But, hell, I was going to enjoy the dream.
Things soon escalated so we were naked and rolling around frantically, fighting for the dominance. I eventually managed to pin him down, though I don’t know if it was because I was stronger or he was giving in, but I didn’t care, simply because I was lying on Zacky with his legs spread. My heart was beating so fast. This was his first time...
“I’m ready...” Zacky whispered and I let myself gently into him. Being a dream, it all went perfectly and we were soon making passionate love on the beach.
“I love you so much,” I whispered in his ear before kissing his neck a few times. Oh how I wish this was real...
“Brian...” I could hear Zacky’s voice calling me distantly, but the Zacky who was lying under me wasn’t moving his lips. Oh no, please don’t wake me. I groaned as the scene in front of me disappeared and was replaced by me feeling like shit due to the cold I had caught. “Wakey, wakey... Eat this.” I looked over to my left to see Zacky holding out a plate with unidentifiable food on it. No beach. No making love. Just a sick me and a Zacky who was trying his best to be kind but stay away from me so he didn’t catch the cold either. Great...
Instead, I talked about how I felt. I recounted my conversation with my father to Zacky, making sure I explained it all and included every emotion in it. Zacky just sat there nodding and listening intently until I got up to the bit where I had returned home and wanted alcohol to make it all better. As I explained that part, Zacky stood and sat next to me, putting his arms around me and letting my cry into his chest. He just seemed like he understood my pain. It was like he knew exactly what it was like to have his father not accept the fact he was gay (even though I knew this wasn’t true since his family meeting had gone perfectly) and in the end, I felt a lot better. Alcohol wasn’t the right way to numb the pain; Zacky was.
A few more days passed of casual in-the-studio days. We were working on lyrics, mainly, and just perfecting the few songs we already had. Mike was a big help, although the studio still felt so empty without Jimmy. After we had finished for the day on Tuesday, we all went to his grave together and mourned together. To me, it seemed like we were all doing a lot better, as if we were handling the situation a lot better and moving on with life. There was no point in stopping living because Jimmy had. We had to continue on and live our dreams for him.
The paparazzi were crazy. Everyone wanted to know the truth about our relationship, but none of them were finding it out. Zacky and I had agreed to tell the band and our friends to not talk to the press until we had decided what we were going to do about it. We were really considering making a short video to post on our official site to show Zacky and I telling the truth, but we needed to figure out what we wanted to say to our fans and the media. It was difficult. But both of us had agreed to not make the first move until my father had decided whether or not I was still his son. As soon as my family was okay with it, we’d address the public. But unfortunately, I hadn’t heard a word from Dad since he told me to get out of his house because I wasn’t his son anymore. It broke my heart, but Zack got me through the crappy days.
On Thursday, I started feeling sick. My head starting hurting for no reason and I kept on sniffing and coughing more than I usually would. Of course, I couldn’t concentrate that day, so left the studio early to go home and rest. And the next morning it really hit me. I guess the cold wanted to hit me really good one more time before the summer came. Friday morning I woke with a throbbing head, blocked nose, dry throat, and I just felt overall groggy. Not good. As I hit my alarm off I let out a wheezy cough and after trying to get up out of bed but failing, I just laid back and reached for my phone. I saw the gorgeous picture of Zacky beaming as I kissed his cheek and managed a smile of my own. After I searched through my contacts I found Matt and sent a quick text to him to say I was too sick to come in today, Matt soon replying that was ok and he’d update me later on what happened. Then, I rested my phone back on the table and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep.
When I woke again, there were a few messages on my phone. It was now in the afternoon and Matt had texted to say they just worked on more lyrics and recorded some bass before calling it quits early because Mike had family business to attend and Johnny had a date. The other texts were from Zacky, telling me that he loved and missed me and hoped that I was feeling better soon, which only made me melt on the inside. He was such a little sweetie...
You know what would make me feel better babe? I text him, knowing Zacky would pick up on the mischievous tone. I got up and used the bathroom and when I returned to my bed, I noticed that Zacky had already replied.
Hmmm... Me? ;) read the text and I grinned. As I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose, I pondered on what I could say.
I really wanna see you, but I don’t want you to get sick too :( I decided to send him, leaving it up to him for what he’d end up doing.
I’ll risk it. I want you to feel better :) he replied shortly after and I knew he’d be driving, so I didn’t bother texting him back. Oh he was the best boyfriend ever... I think only one of my previous boyfriends had come around when I was sick, and the others had just avoided me so they themselves didn’t become sick too. At the time, I didn’t blame them, but now I realised they can’t have cared too much, unlike Zacky who clearly cared a lot.
I drifted back to sleep, waking up when I felt the bed sinking next to me. My eyes opened blearily, only to see Zacky’s handsome face staring down at me.
“You’re here...” I whispered hoarsely before coughing a few times, followed by a loud sniff. Zacky just smiled in a sweet and caring way, causing a tiny grin of my own to spread across my lips. He made me so happy...
“Have you been in bed all day?” he asked in a quiet voice and I nodded.
“Went to the bathroom before, but that’s it,” I grumbled.
“So no food?” he questioned.
“Nope.”
“Well, you need food to get some energy back, you know that. I’ll go cook you something delicious,” Zacky said before leaning over and kissing my forehead. My smile got larger and I stared into Zacky’s stunning eyes.
“Thanks... I love you, Zacky,” I said as my eyelids felt heavy. All this talking was making me drowsy...
“I love you too, honey. You sleep, I’ll be back in a while,” he whispered as he stood up. I let my eyes fall shut and once I couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore, I slipped into a nice dream where Zacky (with his usual black hair) and I were hanging out on an empty beach. We both wore only board shorts, and I just couldn’t stop stealing glimpses of his fine torso. He had no clue how sexy he looked... Just as I thought that, Zacky suddenly headed for the water and I followed him, taking a quick dip to cool off before we walked across the beach ankle-deep in the water and holding hands. I couldn’t stop staring at Zacky, especially now that his hair was wet and little droplets of water were scattered across his soft skin. He was stunning...
We stopped walking in the water when we reached a little secluded area of the beach where there was a large blanket set up on the sand. On top of the blanket was a huge picnic basket, and after we sat down facing each other, Zacky opened it to reveal tons of food. After pigging out on delicious food and chatting to each other, Zacky suddenly leaned over and placed his lips on mine. Even though he took me by surprise, I managed to kiss him back, my hands soon roaming over that gorgeous body that I had longed for ever since I had entered the dream. As Zacky pushed me backwards onto the blanket and straddled me, not breaking the contact between our lips, I remembered this was only a dream. This wasn’t really happening. This romantic day at the beach wasn’t really happening. But, hell, I was going to enjoy the dream.
Things soon escalated so we were naked and rolling around frantically, fighting for the dominance. I eventually managed to pin him down, though I don’t know if it was because I was stronger or he was giving in, but I didn’t care, simply because I was lying on Zacky with his legs spread. My heart was beating so fast. This was his first time...
“I’m ready...” Zacky whispered and I let myself gently into him. Being a dream, it all went perfectly and we were soon making passionate love on the beach.
“I love you so much,” I whispered in his ear before kissing his neck a few times. Oh how I wish this was real...
“Brian...” I could hear Zacky’s voice calling me distantly, but the Zacky who was lying under me wasn’t moving his lips. Oh no, please don’t wake me. I groaned as the scene in front of me disappeared and was replaced by me feeling like shit due to the cold I had caught. “Wakey, wakey... Eat this.” I looked over to my left to see Zacky holding out a plate with unidentifiable food on it. No beach. No making love. Just a sick me and a Zacky who was trying his best to be kind but stay away from me so he didn’t catch the cold either. Great...
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