Light

I reached out to touch the words carved onto the tree, the very tree that witnessed our childhood, our growth, and our sworn love. It was the best witness anyone could ever have. It held secrets like no other and watched silently, nodding in approval and smiling warmly at us. It had grown up into a big tree already, standing tall among the field of delicate wild flowers. I could still remember the days when it was much smaller, but much bigger and older and both me and Wilbur. It was like our guardian, our guide. Whenever there was free time, we’d stay there. From the hide-and-seek when we were mere children, to the laughs and sadness we had experienced, it had witnessed them all. The swaying branches would wave, welcoming us from afar, sheltering us in its arms like a mother to her children. The leaves rustled, singing a lullaby to us. Those were the times I would never forget, nor would I ever forget.

The great tree remained as strong as it could, but why was it different? Our love remained, but tears are shed, and time and fled. Feeling the wood beneath my hands, I thought about all those memories I’d shared with Wilbur. Every laughter, every kiss, and every moment.

What happened? Where had those days gone to?

Oh, right, I sighed, my breath came out shaky, tears swelling in my eyes, threatening to fall. Actually, some fell just now. My eyes couldn’t prevent the inevitable. They had to fall. I could never stop them, not once, nor did I mind. Wilbur was worth every single one of them.

The one I had ever loved, the one I truly loved, Wilbur Baker, died a year ago at my birthday eve.

I leaned against the hard tree trunk, sliding down to the carpet of grass. My legs could not support myself, failing suddenly, though not unpredictably. Through the countless experience, I was able to hold myself long enough to slide down gentle, not fell down like a string-less puppet. It was always like this. Whenever I thought about Wilbur, and the fact he was dead, it would drain away all my strength. I was rather surprised it hadn’t drained my will to live.

What was the point of living when you had nothing worth living for?

It was agonizing, nothing could compare to the feeling I was experiencing every single second of my remaining life. It hurt so much. Sometimes I wished I could tear my heart out just to avoid the pain.

The dusking sunlight spilled through the small gaps between the dark green leaves, illuminating the land for one last time before it descended to the mountains, hidden by the shadows of the darkness. I watched the magnificent show as it played on its own. Golden light splashed against the landscape personally molded by Mother Earth. Truly, it was a glimpse of paradise. Most people would have marveled at the beauty of the scene, yet I found no joy in it. What joy could there be? Could anyone answer my question?

No? I figured as much. Not that I needed an answer anyway—there was no joy, no happiness. My world went monochrome when the last breath left my beloved’s body. Even a view such as this was black and white to me, not bright and colorful in the way God had created it.

I heaved out a sigh unsteadily, choking, sobbing. The heat of the sun had no effect on me. It didn’t sooth me like how it used to whenever I had a fight with my parents, or maybe was the source of comfort came from Wilbur’s affectionate hugs? How he had wrapped his arms possessively and calmingly around my frail body, how he knew what to whisper in my ears, and how to help me to apologize and make up with my family.

Closing my eyes, I let myself sunk into the ocean of memories, floating and drowning at the same time. Gradually, the cool summer breeze turned into Wilbur’s warm breaths, and the empty space beside me was suddenly occupied. I was no longer alone by myself. Wilbur came back, and all was right.

‘Wilbur…’ I murmured.

I saw him chuckled behind my eyelids, his chest moving gently as the musical sounds were produced. His perfect lips moved, though I could only hear silence. I wanted to ask him what he was saying, but he placed his long, slender finger in front of my lips before I could utter anything. He shook his head slightly. I obeyed.

Don’t ever leave me,I wanted to shout. You promised you won’t leave me behind, right?But it would have shattered the peaceful scene, and Wilbur…he’d disappeared, like every other time.

He positioned his arms carefully on my shoulders, slinging them over, grinning with boyish charm. He was speaking to me, though I heard no sound. I only saw his lips moved perfecting, forming words that I could not read.

Lifting my hands, I reached for Wilbur, yet he turned from me. He crouched down, planting a kiss on my forehead like he’d do every night before we part.

I felt nothing.

No, this couldn’t be. It wasn’t right!

My eyes prickled with tears, and this time, they fell without any trouble, like water through a broken dam. I moved closer, closing the gap between us, trying to catch his lips with mine. I watched as the distance shortened.

My heartbeat accelerated; his lips were only seconds away. Finally, at long last, I could reclaim the loving touch I had lost, embrace his warmth.

Wilbur…

I swore I had touched him, I really did, but what happened told me otherwise. I fell right through him, as if he didn’t exist. My head collided with the grassy ground, jerking my eyes opened.

He’s dead,a voice in the back of my head echoed.

No, no! Can’t you see him?I protested, angered by her—my—words. I turned back to the tree. Look, he’s right—

The sole difference was that the light had slipped away, only few golden rays remained to light the piece of land. The wind blew the field softly, caressing in the gentlest way possible. Everything was the same, but…

There…

There was nothing.

I ran out to the meadow as fast as I could. The dying sunlight was suddenly too bright for me. I raised my hand and shield my face, continuing my search for Wilbur. I was too desperate, far too desperate to believe in reality. I didn’t want to.

‘Wilbur, Wilbur!’ my cries filled the plains. I spun and turned, trying to look for him, for anything. I kept circling around until I didn’t stop until I was too dizzy to stand straight.

‘Wilbur…’ I whispered to myself. ‘Oh, Wilbur…’ My weeping would not cease. I covered my face with my hands in a poor attempt to stop the tears.

I heard something, a soft murmur in my ears.

I looked up, my eyes darting left to right, trying to look for the one who spoke. I lied back down on my back when I discovered I was still alone. My breath was caught in my throat.
The skies had finally faded into dark velvet blue, and the stars crept out from their hiding place. I reached my hands out, and closed them into fists, as if I could catch the words that were just spoken to me a few seconds ago.

‘I love you, Ada.’