Hello Sheffield

“C’mon Liv, he called yeh three times yesterday and they’re gonna be home in a few hours. Yeh have to go and see ‘im!” Tom said, his frustration growing obvious.

“I’m not going to see him Tom, how many fucking times should I say it? He said he would call, I never said I was gonna pick up,” I said, picking Zeus up off of Tom’s lap and cradled him in my arms.

We’d fallen asleep in my bed last night, little Zeus dominating the bed space. He’d been bothering me all week since I’d told him that I wouldn’t be speaking or seeing Oliver Sykes until he apologized for being so rude.

“I know he’s been an arse but that’s just how he is! Sometimes yeh have to help him see how much of an arse he’s bein’,” he explained, an exasperated edge to his voice. I shrugged and shook my head.

“Well, that’s just something that I don’t wanna deal with.”

I pushed the blankets off of me and padded over to the closet. I was beyond frustrated with Tom and he was making me want to see Oli less and less than I had when I had the idea originally. I picked out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

“Well, what are yeh gettin’ dressed for then?” he asked, his voice near the door. I halted my stripping and looked at myself in the mirror.

“I have other friends that are coming home today Tom,” I said, my voice impetuous. He groaned and I could see him ruffling his hair in aggravation. “Go eat breakfast and let me get dressed.”

I was left alone while I showered and got ready but as soon as I ventured downstairs I was bombarded again. I ate my breakfast quietly, trying my best to ignore him. It was difficult, since he was yelling, but I was nearly successful. I broke my vow of silence only once, when I asked him to pass me sugar for my grapefruit.

When I cleaned up my plate, I put out food and water for Zeus. After that, I pulled on my sneakers and started gathering my things. I wasn’t sure who I was going to see first but I guess I’d decide in the car.

“I’m leaving now Tom,” I said, as he’d been following me around and bitching at me, “You’re more than welcome to stay.”

“No, actually, I’m going to see my brother,” he said coldly as I left my house. I rolled my eyes. If Oliver wanted to be stubborn and difficult, two could play that game. I was going to win it.

I drove to Lee’s after stopping to pick up more cigarettes. Kate had either quit or been exceedingly lucky enough to never run into me. I don’t even know what would happen if I saw her. I’d only seen her once at a Starbucks when I was with Daniel.

In fact, I was with Daniel a lot in the past two weeks. We hung out constantly. It wasn’t that I liked him all of a sudden, it was just that he was an easygoing person that didn’t really expect anything from me.

It was nice to be able to hang out with someone who wasn’t friends with Oli, since I could complain adequately.

Daniel was growing on me. I was able to spend time with him and not worry about every move and trying to break down what every touch meant. It was a relief and he filled up a lot of my time. I was seeing him later for lunch, just to prove to myself that I wasn’t using him while everyone was gone.

As soon as I parked the car on the road, I was out the door and running up to Lee’s place. He’d shown me weeks ago how to get in without him having to buzz me in. It was quite simple really: a credit card slid between the door and the door frame was enough to do the trick.

This time I was lucky enough to catch the door from a man who was leaving. I gave him a rushed thank you and flew to the stairwell. I didn’t even have the patience to wait for the elevator. I only had a flight to go up before I was in the hallway with two doors, one housing Lee’s oversized apartment.

I tried the doorknob first to see if it was open. When it wasn’t I started slamming my fists on the door, my heartbeat quickening in excitement. I might not have spoken with Oli, but I’d stayed in touch with the rest of my boys. I was sure at least two were behind this sliver of wood and if they didn’t open it soon, I’d be breaking it down.

“Oi, relax!” Lee exclaimed as he opened the door. He let out a whoosh of air as I collided with him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He chuckled and hugged me back. I breathed in the scent of him and noticed an overall cleanliness about him, which was abnormal.

“Liv, it’s nice to see yeh!” he said, holding me tightly. I felt so happy that he was finally in front of me, euphoric even. Talking on the phone was nowhere near seeing someone in person.

“Is that Olivia?” I heard. I glanced over Lee’s shoulder and very nearly tackled Jona to the ground. He laughed loudly and patted my back. When I noticed Vegan coming out of the kitchen with a beer, I realized how lucky I’d gotten catching the majority of the band here.

“Hey Livi, how are yeh?” Vegan asked, not reacting as I nearly pummeled his stomach with my body.

“Better now that you’re all back!” I said, stepping back and looking at all three of them. I was so happy that they were standing in front of me, seemingly unharmed. “So how was it? Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was fucking great,” Lee said, sitting on the couch. “Oli moped an awful lot toward the end but he’s always been a bit of an arse in any case.”

I rolled my eyes at the mention of Oli’s name. I knew he’d be brought up sooner or later. I plopped my ass on Lee’s couch and stared at them all through dull eyes.

“Isn’t it a bit early to be drinking?” I directed toward Vegan. It was only a little after noon. He shrugged and sat on the coffee table, directly in front of me. He searched my eyes until I looked away, toward the window. It was silent.

“I know yeh’re mad at Oli, and yeh should be,” he said pointedly, “But I think yeh should go and see him.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about him. I came here to hang out with you guys and don’t feel like you need to try and help him out because Tom won’t shut up about him at all,” I defended. He shrugged.

“I tried and that’s that.”

“What have yeh been up to Liv?” Jona asked, sitting in the armchair across from the couch. I was grateful for the immediate change in conversation, except for the fact that there wasn’t much to answer with.

I told him mostly about training Zeus and following Tom around as he worked and played. It was boring, everyday routine talk mostly and I ignored anything that had to do with Daniel or Kate or that fucking party. I let them speak about all the cool fans and the kick ass shows and how generally great tour had been.

I felt like I’d missed out on something fantastic. I wished that I’d been there for it all. If I had been, none of this would have ever happened. I shook the thought from my mind and continued to sit with my boys, happy to be in the same room with them. I idly wondered whether or not Tom was still mad at me.

I texted him, asking the question. When Lee and Jona were both yawning, I stood and announced my departure. I had to meet Daniel for lunch anyway. I hugged all three of them and made my way to the door.

“Sleep, okay? You all look exhausted,” I said. I hugged each of them goodbye and listened to their groggy protests on sleep. I knew they’d be dropping off like flies as soon as I was halfway to lunch though.

I was a lot more at ease and definitely feeling calmer now that I knew they were all safe and sound in Sheffield. Of course, the one person I wanted to know about, I couldn’t go and see, for the sake of my own swelled pride.

Before that party, I’d dreamed up a number of different scenarios on how Oli and I would be ‘reunited.’ They’d all been wonderful and exciting. Some were really romantic, others were more plutonic. None of them had been like this and just thinking about it made tears burn the back of my eyes.

My parents always taught me not to cry and drive so I did my best to hold my tears back and let a few leak out when I parked in the restaurant’s parking lot. No matter how much of a stubborn façade I put on, this was killing me. I didn’t want to be the one to break on this one, whether or not it hurt me for forever.

Just as I was about to get out of the car, my phone buzzed. It was an answer from Tom and as I wiped away the last tear, I was worried about what it said. I didn’t want both the Sykes’ brothers to hate me.

I’m not mad anymore. Hes fine, since I knew itd bother you.

I sighed and took a deep breath, leaning my head back against the seat and closing my eyes for a brief second. This was hard enough without Tom in my head informing me of Oli’s every move.

I finally got out of the car and as soon as I did, I heard my name being called. I turned and saw Daniel, walking over, his hand raised in greeting. I smiled and hugged him when he got close. I was always different when it came time to be with Daniel and I couldn’t tell whether or not I didn’t like it.

“Yeh hungry?” he asked, cocking his head to the right and grinning. I shrugged and smiled, allowing him to wrap an arm around my shoulders as we walked toward the restaurant.

“Yes, I am actually,” I said.

Daniel was a complete and total gentleman and as we walked up to the entrance, he held the door open for me. I thanked him like I always did but felt a secret twinge of exasperation. I could open my own doors on occasion.

Instead of saying anything, I stamped it down and sat across from him when the maitre’d led us to our table. She left us menus, which I casually flipped through. I didn’t need to since we always came here. Daniel and I had a ‘usual’, in which we’d come to the same restaurant every Monday and order the same thing and talk about mostly the same things.

It was…interesting.

“So everyone’s back today then?” he prompted. I looked up from the menu at him cautiously. I thought I’d be the one to bring up this conversation. He looked relatively calm, with his menu still shut and his hands folded under his chin. He looked really, really good at the same time.

“Yeah, today’s their first day back,” I mumbled, looking back at the list of food. I already knew what I was getting anyway. He knew it was a show.

“I know yeh want to talk about it Liv. Go on,” he prodded. I dropped the menu in relief and started rambling.

“Well, I’ve seen Lee, Vegan, and Jona so far today. It was so great seeing them, like a relief almost. They looked exhausted though so they’ve obviously had a good time,” I said.

“‘Lo I’m Kate I’ll be yer—” the waitress stopped short and I looked up. Lo and behold it looked like Kate Morris got a new job. That would explain why I hadn’t seen her at the corner store. I raised an eyebrow at her. “Um, I’ll get yeh a different server.”

I rolled my eyes and pushed my hair behind my shoulder. Daniel watched her walk away as I hissed out a small, “bitch.” She didn’t deserve any sympathy or mercy. In any case, all of this was her fault and I felt the anger swell in the very bottom of my stomach.

Everything had gone wrong because of her. I was reduced to tears nearly everyday because of her and her stupid ideas on revenge. There was something seriously wrong with that girl. Seeing her again made me feel like punching her twice wasn’t enough. Kate definitely deserved more than that.

Maybe getting run over by a tank.

“Relax,” Daniel said soothingly and I was brought back into reality. A new waitress already stood in front of us, pen poised on a pad of paper. It was obvious Daniel had already ordered and that she was waiting on me. I ordered my usual in a quiet voice and turned to look out the window when she was gone.

“Have yeh spoken to him yet?”

“No, I haven’t and I won’t. Not until he apologizes, I’ve told you that a thousand times,” I answered harshly.

“Yeh don’t have to go off on me ‘cause yer little boyfriend fucked yeh over,” he spat and I froze, looking at him with astonished eyes. Daniel was never rude and he never lost his temper like that. I was honestly shocked—but in a good way. It was nice to see this side of him.

“I’m sorry that you’re so upset about it but you’re the one that brought Oli up,” I said, my tone a bit softer now.

“No, yeh’re the one who assumed I was talkin’ about the prick. I coulda been talkin’ about your dad.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my water. “You were obviously referring to him though bud.”

“Whatever, can we talk about something else?”

I always thought it was cute when he said ‘whatever’. He’d only started saying it since he’d started hanging out with me on a regular basis and it sounded adorable with his accent, especially when he was ticked off. I smiled and tilted my head as he batted his eyes in aggravation.

“What?” he asked, when he noticed me looking at him. I shrugged and laughed a little.

“I think it’s cute when you say whatever since you got it from me, that’s all,” I said. He grinned lopsidedly at me and I leaned my head on my hand, glancing down at my phone. I typed a quick thank you to Tom and looked back up.

“How’s your sister?” I asked. As it turned out, his sister was a troublemaker on the level of a certain hardcore metal band that I knew. She enjoyed doing drugs, throwing massive parties, and having run-ins with the police. Of course, this was a complete opposite from dearest Daniel, who considered clubbing a wild activity.

His sister had recently been caught with drugs and had to go to a mandatory drug rehabilitation center for 30 days. His reaction to this was one of annoyance and also a deep seated satisfaction. His parents had obviously never cared to believe him when he said how much of a danger she was to herself.

This conversation carried us through most of lunch and then the topic changed to his parents in general, who wished to meet me. I didn’t wish to meet them in the least bit and steered the conversation into safer waters for the remainder of the meal.

“So what’re yeh doin’ now?” Daniel asked as we walked out to our cars. We’d paid for our meals separately and with one last glare in Kate’s direction, left.

“Um, heading over to see Matty before I go home,” I said.

“What if Oliver is there?” he asked as we stopped next to my car. I shrugged and bit my lip, shrugging. That was a possibility I’d considered.

“That’s a risk I’ll have to take. I could always just leave or yell at him or something. Y’know, whichever,” I said indifferently. He laughed and shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Liv, listen, I know yeh’re gonna be around Oliver and his friends again now but I want yeh to remember before yeh start talkin’ to him again—”

“Only if he apologizes,” I mumbled.

“When he apologizes and yeh start talkin’ to him, I just, I want yeh to remember that I’m here too and that, I think yeh might have noticed, I like yeh a lot Liv. I don’t need yeh to say anything about it now but just keep me in mind because he’s already fucked up once and I’ll be there when he fucks up again.”

With that sentiment, he swooped in and kissed me gently and quickly on the lips in place of our usual goodbye hug. When he’d gone I stood there, watching him leave. I got in my car when he got to his and sat there, staring straight ahead for a long time.

It was mostly because it took me a long time to make the realization:

I’d rather leave then be with Daniel.

*

“Matty, open this fucking door right now!” I screeched.

He’d been teasing me and putting on a hysterical female voice, saying that ‘Mr. Nicholls wasn’t at home right now’ and refusing to let me in. It wasn’t the least bit funny anymore since I was absolutely dying to see him.

When the door was pulled open and I saw him standing there with a grin on his face, I could’ve kissed him. Instead I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and causing him to take a few steps back.

He laughed at me and wrapped his arms around my middle, lifting me up and holding me tightly. I laughed happily and stuffed my face into his neck, breathing in his scent. Matty was by far one of my closest friends.

“Alright, I’m not gonna disappear if yeh let go of me,” he said, laughing at me even more. He shut the door when I let go of him and just stared excitedly. He snorted and looked at me with a concernedly creeped out look before pulling me into another hug. The television was playing some movie and I noticed a blanket on the couch over his shoulder.

“Did I wake you up?” I asked, suddenly concerned. I pulled away from him and scanned his face. His eyes seemed sleepy and his hair messier than usual. “Oh my god, I’m sorry Matty. You should go back to sleep!”

“Oh please,” he scoffed, “Have yeh ever listened to our songs? Sleep is for the weak and all that, I’ll sleep when I’m dead Liv, I want to hang out with yeh now.”

I smiled happily and sat on his couch, dropping my bag on the floor. He sat next to me. I settled happily into the cushions and rested my head against the back of his couch.

“Stressful day?” he asked.

“You have absolutely no idea.”

“Yeh wanna talk about it?” he offered.

“It’s just Tom being an idiot this morning and fucking Daniel was just, ugh…”

“Daniel was what?” he asked, overly interested.

“He kissed me.”

“He did, what?”

“Yeah, he kissed me.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, actually, he did.”

“Oli will right kill him.”

“And then you mentioned Oli, which just put the icing on the fucking cake.”

“I’m sorry love, no more talk about these arrogant bastards,” he said, puffing his chest out and putting on a serious face. I laughed at his facial expression and shook my head. He grinned then and stood up.

He disappeared into the kitchen and I followed him, nervous. He was digging through his cabinets. I pulled myself onto the counter and watched him, his sweatpants low on his hips. He pulled out a box of cereal and placed it next to me on the counter.

When he reached up to get the bowls, I couldn’t resist a peek at his hip bones. I looked away quickly, biting my lip to hide my smirk. He didn’t notice and continued preparing our meal. I wasn’t hungry at all but it was adorable that he was giving me food so I went along with it.

“Okay so, we’re not talking about arrogant bastards and I’ll restrain myself from talkin’ about tour since yeh heard it from everyone else and we’re definitely not gonna talk about anything to do with anyone we know so we’re gonna eat this food and pretend like we’re the richest, greatest people in the whole world.”

“Okay, that sounds like a really great plan,” I said, taking a spoon from his hand and reaching for a bowl. He rested his bowl on my leg as he ate and we talked about vacation homes in Sicily and private jets for real Chinese food.

“No, but how awesome would it be to see Antarctica or some shit?” he asked me. I looked at him skeptically.

“There’s nothing there.”

“Exactly! It must be right fuckin’ eerie there, freezin’ yer bollocks off with a few penguins and polar bears,” he said excitedly. I stared at him blankly for a moment and then started laughing, remembering the time when he claimed his house was nearly cold enough for penguins to be moving in.

I asked him if he remembered between laughing breaths and he started chuckling. Apparently I was finding this funnier than it actually was, but I could care less. It was fucking funny. He picked me up from the counter bridal style and carried me into the living room.

He dropped me roughly over the back of the couch and my laughter died down. He tried to jump over the back smoothly but instead, his foot caught a bit of the top and he stumbled, falling on me and then rolling onto the floor.

At this, I nearly died of laughter, rolling on the couch, falling to the floor, and eventually rolling on the floor. He joined in this time, obviously realizing how funny it was. We were like that for a while, and when we stopped laughing we just lay there, staring at the ceiling with dumb smiles on our faces.

When I heard him yawn loudly, I pulled him up and forced him to lie down on the couch. He looked up at me with a mischievous grin on his face before he pulled me down next to him by my waist. I rolled my eyes and let him cuddle into me, throwing the blanket over us both.

He was sleeping before I even got comfortable, which made me feel guilty about waking him up in the first place. Of course, I wasn’t really tired at all so I just watched the movie for a bit and let my mind wander. It wasn’t long before my bladder started protesting for use of a toilet.

I moved to get up but Matty’s arm tightened around my waist. “Where yeh goin’?” he asked, his voice sleepy.

“Bathroom,” I said quietly. His grip loosened enough for me to get up and I did, stretching as I went. His eyes were still shut.

“Hurry up baby, yeh’re keepin’ me warm,” he mumbled. My heart nearly melted and I looked away from him quickly. It almost made me sad to have him say that. It made me think of another person.

When I got in the bathroom, I didn’t even piss. I stood at the mirror and searched my face for an answer. It had happened before in the very same apartment, in the very same bathroom, between the very same people. I needed the answer for a very important question. And that question was:

Had I made the right choice?