Love's Not A Competition

I stared at Zeke, stunned that he was finally saying the words I wanted to hear him say. I had to pinch myself to check that I wasn’t dreaming. I stared at Zeke, loving the way his face was serious while his eyes looked so vulnerable. He was finally confessing his feelings to me.

“I want to say yes; I really, really do. But this isn’t a good time for me. I can’t be happy about being with you when I’m still in mourning. I’m sorry. I just need some time. Please don’t give up on me. I like you, a lot, as you probably know already. Do you understand?”

He was quiet for a long time. I wished he would say… anything. He just looked at me with sad eyes. I wanted to take back my words if it meant he would be happy. But I knew they were the truth. I couldn’t be happy about being with Zeke when I was still sad about my dad. I opened my mouth to say something to Zeke but he pulled me against him before I got the chance. He ran a hand over my hair before sighing lightly.

“I should have known. I’m sorry for asking. I will wait and I will still be here for you.”
He lay back on the sofa, dragging me with him. I rested my head on his chest and sighed. I was glad he wasn’t angry with me since I had rejected him. He traced shapes on the bare skin of my arm while I watched his face, memorizing every detail from his deep blue eyes to the small scar under his chin.

I was quite comfortable when the door opened and Katie walked in. I tried to jump up but Zeke was holding me against him. Katie looked at us before smiling slightly.
“I knew you two were dating,” she said triumphantly.
“We aren’t dating,” I said truthfully.
“Then why do you two act like a couple?”

“Because we like each other but it isn’t the right time for us to be together,” Zeke said slowly.
“That’s just confusing,” she said.
“Did you want something?” Zeke asked, getting annoyed.
“Yes. I was wondering if you two wanted to come out to dinner tonight. Brittney, Aidan and Eric are coming as well. We aren’t going anywhere special, just that Italian place on the corner. Are you two in?”
“Sure,” Zeke said.

I nodded and she smiled before walking out. We fell into a comfortable silence again. I’m not sure how long we stayed like that. It seemed like hours and it might have been. I looked at Zeke’s watch and saw it was about five in the afternoon. I sat up slowly before walking into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. I wore my purple skinny jeans and a black tank top. I pulled on a white cardigan and walked out of the bathroom. Zeke was dressed in a black t-shirt with dark blue jeans. He looked amazing and I was glad when he kissed my cheek before we walked downstairs. Everyone was waiting for us in the lounge and we walked to the restaurant since it was close by. Eric looked at me funny when Zeke grabbed my hand as we walked.

I sat in between Brittney and Zeke. It was a round table and I was sitting opposite Eric who was sitting next to Aidan. Zeke talked to Katie who was next to him and I watched as Brittney leaned sideways to kiss Aidan’s cheek. We ordered our meals when a waitress came over. Zeke slipped his hand into mine under the table and squeezed it gently. Brittney leaned towards me and smiled.

“So, what happened? You two seem closer,” she said quietly.
“He asked me out,” I whispered.
Her smile widened. “Did he really?”
“Yes but I said no.”
“Why? You like him don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. But I can’t have a relationship right now. I’m not in the right mindset.”
“Shouldn’t it be enough that you both like each other?”

I shrugged and she leaned away to join Aidan and Eric’s conversation. I met Zeke’s gaze and smiled slightly at him, unsure if he had heard any of that conversation. Katie started talking to me about prom and Brittney joined in as well. They were really excited about it while I didn’t see what the big appeal was. Katie told us how she had picked out Jesse’s tux for him since he was too busy to go looking. Brittney told us that Aidan and Zeke had made plans to go this weekend. She had told him the color of her dress so she was hoping he would get a matching tie or something.

Our food arrived soon after that and we ate, talking occasionally. Eric pulled me back on the walk home and asked the same thing Brittney did. I told him the same thing and he frowned at me. I wasn’t sure why my friends were so upset that we weren’t dating. Shouldn’t I be the one who was upset? I know it’s my fault that we aren’t together but it didn’t meant that I didn’t want to be with him, I really did. I liked him more than any other boy I had ever dated.

“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet since dinner.”

I looked up from my homework to see Zeke standing beside me. I smiled at him sadly before turning back to the textbook sitting on the desk. I shivered when his fingertips brushed the bare skin of my neck. I turned in the chair and he cupped my face before pulling me up so I was standing in front of him. He sighed slightly before I stepped closer. His lips touched mine lightly and I smiled before wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him. He deepened the kiss before taking a few steps back, pulling me with him. He sat down heavily on the bottom bunk and I straddled him before he lay backwards. I ran my fingers down his chest before kissing him again. One of his hands ran through my hair while the other one fingered the bottom of my t-shirt.

“I’ll do it. I’ll be your girlfriend,” I whispered.

His hands squeezed my hips as he smiled into the kiss. I pulled him into a sitting position and pulled his t-shirt over his head. I trailed kisses across his jaw line and down his neck. I ran my hands across his perfectly toned stomach and felt him shiver as I fingered the top of his jeans. I just smiled before kissing him again.

We slowed down after that. I didn’t want to go any further and he didn’t complain as I rolled off of him. He wrapped his arms around me as I rested my head on his bare chest. I listened to the sound of his heartbeat as we lay there, silent. I didn’t regret saying what I had. I figured that Brittney was right. I liked him and that’s all that should matter. I was sad but being with Zeke could make me happy. I didn’t want to be sad about my dad forever.

“Jasmine,” Zeke whispered.
“Yes?”
“I’m glad that you’re my girlfriend.”
“Me too,” I said quietly.

I looked up and saw him smiling down at me. I kissed him lightly before resting my head back against his chest. My eyes closed and I tried to contain my happiness. This was what I had always wanted since I had started liking Zeke. All the drama we had been through erased itself from my mind and I concentrated on the future, our future together. I was lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat, a small smile on my face.