Little Mini Bert
The Kitchen
Bert wasn’t quite sure what to do. He had no idea how to take care of a horse; he didn’t even know they could be so small, regardless of the fact that it was just a baby. He carried it inside his house and hastily slammed the door behind him. The horse crawled out of the mass of blankets and began walking away from him.
“No, wait!” he cried, trying to chase after it. It broke into a jog, its tiny hooves clattering on the wood floor. It raced into the kitchen, and he slowed his pace, realizing it must have been afraid of him. He tried not to laugh when the creature slid across the smooth floor, nearly losing its footing entirely.
He scanned the kitchen upon entering. In his mind the area was clean. Not too dirty, but not soaked in disinfectant either. To the eye of a visitor, it would have looked…well, sanitary, at least. They had obviously never seen the place at its possible worst. Whatever. He was right anyway.
The only thing that could have possibly looked out of place was the hoard of empty bottles on the side; some of them had tipped over, spilling out leftover beer all over the counter’s surface. From Friday night, no doubt, when Jeph, Quinn, and Dan had come over to his place after practice with a couple of people Bert had never met before, suggesting a “quick drink.” Bert may have been a little tipsy himself.
He certainly wasn’t going to clean up today, though.
He slid his sock-covered feet across the tiled floor to his fridge, where he hoped he’d find some milk, or bottled water, or something that would keep a tiny horse reasonably fed. Upon noticing that alcohol had tainted nearly every item within the confines of the fridge, he made a face. It was just his luck that an empty plastic bottle sat where the milk should be.
“Are you kidding me?” He’d be damned if he was leaving the comfort of his home when it was windy and freezing as hell outside. Bert almost grabbed a bottle of wine, contemplating whether it would be fine if it were just a little bit. He withdrew when he realized that no, that shit will mess a horse up. Something green and circular from the corner did manage to catch his eye.
“Oh, awesome,” he said, pulling out a green apple. The color was decent and it felt crisp, but Bert had no idea how long it had actually been in sitting at the back of the fridge. He couldn’t even remember the last time he bought any. “Oh well. An apple’s an apple.”
He turned around to call the little horse to him, but it was already standing at his feet, its tiny nose raised high in the air as it attempted to steal the apple from him. He handed it to the animal, but soon realized a problem: The fruit was almost half the size of the horse’s skull. He suddenly got an idea and pulled out a knife, then cut the apple into several slices and held one down to the foal’s eye level. It eagerly bit the fruit, sliding it out of his hand and swallowing it quickly. It let out a neigh and raised its nose to ask for more.
“Cute.” He stroked a finger between its ears. Maybe he would get used to this. It was only a tiny thing after all.
Bert continued to scruff the top of the unnamed horse’s head as a powerful stench started growing in the air, so much so that he had to cringe and pinch his nose in the end. The source of the problem was soon discovered…directly behind the animal.
He sighed irritably. “You came here to make my life hell, didn’t you?” The horse stared at him blankly with its bright blue eyes, head cocked to the side a little so that the fair hair atop its head fell in front of one eye. It managed to make the animal look completely innocent…until its tiny teeth closed around his fingers.
It was going to be a long day.
“No, wait!” he cried, trying to chase after it. It broke into a jog, its tiny hooves clattering on the wood floor. It raced into the kitchen, and he slowed his pace, realizing it must have been afraid of him. He tried not to laugh when the creature slid across the smooth floor, nearly losing its footing entirely.
He scanned the kitchen upon entering. In his mind the area was clean. Not too dirty, but not soaked in disinfectant either. To the eye of a visitor, it would have looked…well, sanitary, at least. They had obviously never seen the place at its possible worst. Whatever. He was right anyway.
The only thing that could have possibly looked out of place was the hoard of empty bottles on the side; some of them had tipped over, spilling out leftover beer all over the counter’s surface. From Friday night, no doubt, when Jeph, Quinn, and Dan had come over to his place after practice with a couple of people Bert had never met before, suggesting a “quick drink.” Bert may have been a little tipsy himself.
He certainly wasn’t going to clean up today, though.
He slid his sock-covered feet across the tiled floor to his fridge, where he hoped he’d find some milk, or bottled water, or something that would keep a tiny horse reasonably fed. Upon noticing that alcohol had tainted nearly every item within the confines of the fridge, he made a face. It was just his luck that an empty plastic bottle sat where the milk should be.
“Are you kidding me?” He’d be damned if he was leaving the comfort of his home when it was windy and freezing as hell outside. Bert almost grabbed a bottle of wine, contemplating whether it would be fine if it were just a little bit. He withdrew when he realized that no, that shit will mess a horse up. Something green and circular from the corner did manage to catch his eye.
“Oh, awesome,” he said, pulling out a green apple. The color was decent and it felt crisp, but Bert had no idea how long it had actually been in sitting at the back of the fridge. He couldn’t even remember the last time he bought any. “Oh well. An apple’s an apple.”
He turned around to call the little horse to him, but it was already standing at his feet, its tiny nose raised high in the air as it attempted to steal the apple from him. He handed it to the animal, but soon realized a problem: The fruit was almost half the size of the horse’s skull. He suddenly got an idea and pulled out a knife, then cut the apple into several slices and held one down to the foal’s eye level. It eagerly bit the fruit, sliding it out of his hand and swallowing it quickly. It let out a neigh and raised its nose to ask for more.
“Cute.” He stroked a finger between its ears. Maybe he would get used to this. It was only a tiny thing after all.
Bert continued to scruff the top of the unnamed horse’s head as a powerful stench started growing in the air, so much so that he had to cringe and pinch his nose in the end. The source of the problem was soon discovered…directly behind the animal.
He sighed irritably. “You came here to make my life hell, didn’t you?” The horse stared at him blankly with its bright blue eyes, head cocked to the side a little so that the fair hair atop its head fell in front of one eye. It managed to make the animal look completely innocent…until its tiny teeth closed around his fingers.
It was going to be a long day.