Questions

I’m extremely tempted to ask Jordan as to why he isn’t disappointed in me but I don’t. Why ruin a good thing. He understood exactly why I had started smoking more, with me even having to tell him. It’s like he could read my mind.

I roll out of bed, stretch as my joints pop back into place. I smile down at Jordan, his arms idly searching for me. A small smile graces my lips, before I move a pillow for his arms to embrace. He was just so adorable.

I grab my pack and lighter, putting on a light jacket and heading over to the sliding glass door. The wind lightly lashes at my jacket clad arms and sweat pants. Lighting the cigarette I touch it to my lips, rejoicing at the nicotine. I lean against the pouch railing. The sun was just rising. I had no idea what time it was. I just had this feeling that today would be fantastic.

I snuff out my cigarette and head back inside, throwing my jacket on the chair in the room me and Jordan were sharing. Grabbing a pair of clean clothes, I stroll into the bathroom and shower. Emerging from the bathroom, squeaky clean and in crisp clean clothes, I head to the kitchen to start making the coffee.

I spoon some coffee grounds in the machine then put the water in. I close the machine and press the button, the brewer coming to life.

I traipse to the table, looking at the clock as I do so. Damn, was it early. It wasn’t even seven yet. Jordan wouldn’t be up until a quarter after seven, hopefully Cameron or Grant would wake up before so I don’t end up smoking my whole pack of cigarettes out of boredom.

It’s happened before. Not something I wish to repeat, especially since it was an almost full pack. I know Jordan wouldn’t be happy; hell no one would be happy with me, because I would reek of smoke.

I drum my fingers on the table. The coffee pot beeps and I practically jump out of my seat rushing towards it… I really like coffee, don’t judge me. I pick my mug out of the drain board and fill it up. I take a sip out of it; I didn’t need any milk, sugar or anything else in it. It tasted best plain.

I lean against the counter, when I hear a click and foot steps, many footsteps. I smile as everyone files into the kitchen, Jordan surprisingly trailing behind Grant and Cameron. Jordan rubs at his eyes, putting his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek.

“Morning, love.” He smiles up at me. He doesn’t say anything, but I can see his nose twitch. He definitely smells the smoke, but he’s not saying anything about it. I’m kind of glad he isn’t going to nag me. “What’s today’s plans?” he asks when I put down my mug. He leans up on his tiptoes and rubs our noses together.

I’m about to open my mouth to say nothing, when I’m cut off by Grant and Cameron.

“BOWLING.” the both shout simultaneously. We both jump at the volume of the two combined.

“Since when?” Jordan asks, eyebrows raised.

“Since the two of thought it would be hilarious to see you bowl. You’re like the least coordinated person we know.”

Jordan pouts and looks at me, his face all but saying ‘that’s not true, right.’

“Sorry Jordan, they’re kinda right.”

He glares at me, playfully. “You guys are so mean to me.”

“You know we love you, Jord.” Cameron responds.

“No, I know Chris loves me.”

“… Do you want me to make out with you, because that’s how I’m going to prove I love you, in the most best-friend way?” Cameron jokes.

Grant roles his eyes, muttering, “You’re so fucking weird.”

-

The whole bowling thing went okay… well Jordan somehow got his ball to bounce into another lane. Don’t ask. We ourselves aren’t sure how this even happened. We caused a lot of commotion and after out four games, I think the owners were glad we left.

Grant and Cameron headed back to out apartment, while Jordan and I went to get coffee, and in his case hot chocolate.

We sit at the table idly talking about how school was going for him. He said he was excited that he was graduating in May. He mentioned that he got a scholarship for his musical abilities, just like I had. In fact it was the same scholarship. He excuses himself to the bathroom and I tell him I’ll wait outside for him.

Now, Jordan was like a girl when it came to bathrooms. He takes forever. He washes his hands twice for some odd reason and has to like dry them after every time. Then he combs his hair back into place. It can be annoying when you’re in a rush, but it’s a weird habit he has.

I stand outside the café, a cigarette loosely hanging from my lips. The chilly night air breathes through my thin jacket chilling me ever so slightly. I tap one of my hands against my thigh, waiting for Jordan to come out of the bathroom. I take a drag, biting my lip when I see him exit the door of the coffee shop. I stomp out the cigarette with the sole of my worn out shoe.

He smiles slightly, and I can tell it’s forced. He goes to hold my hand when I back up and turn away from him. I start coughing. It’s a dry and bitter cough, almost as if my body’s laughing at me for smoking to much. It would be a fair punishment, though it’s my own body that craves the nicotine, not me

Jordan mumbles under his breathe, but I already know what he says. “This is why you should quit. You’re killing yourself.”

I sigh, reaching for Jordan’s hand. “I tried Jordan, you know I did.”

“Obviously you didn’t. You’re mind is stronger then you’re body. You have to fight it.” He mumbles. He doesn’t want a fight and neither do I.

“I tried, Jordan. I was so stressed after my parents… I needed something to take it off my mind, to take away the stress.”

Jordan’s face drops and I’m slightly confused. “You’re parents are the reason you started again?” his voice sounds scared and I’m confused as to why.

“Yeah… why did you think I started smoking so much?”

“I thought you wanted to. I mean, that’s why I was okay with it. It’s your body. I can’t tell you what to do with it. I never thought it was your parents. This is…” his voice trails off.

“What Jordan?” I ask.

“I- nevermind. If you want to smoke, I understand, but if you want to quit, I’ll help you.”

“I’m going to quit. I know you don’t like it, but Jordan, what did you say?”

“It’s not important.”

You may not think its important, Jordan, but to me everything you say is perfect.