Good Morning.
We Feel Alone
Things used to be so simple. Rebecca and I knew each other since we were children and our biggest rift was that she got better grades than Mikey and I put together. She played sports and was popular and everyone loved her, but she loved me the most.
Sometimes, things just happen that way. Unsuspected.
In high school, it must have been right after our first kiss, when I remember thinking to myself: “How could I have gotten so lucky? Why would she choose me when she could have anyone?” And even though I never told her, she always sort of knew. She was so special and beautiful and I loved her more than anything. I wanted to marry her - God, I wanted to have her all to myself, but she was loved by too many people and sometimes I got depressed when I thought about other guys.
They always talked to her. They gave her lovely eyes and disregarded my presence. I was just the weird fat kid who didn’t deserve the most gorgeous girl in school.
And then I got tall and lost weight and, in my heart, I felt like I was repaying her and giving her what she had always deserved. When the band made it big and the paychecks amounted to more than just enough to get us through the week, she was finally getting the life she had always given me. If my love wasn’t enough, maybe I could pay her in material things.
She seemed to care for me just the same. I just felt we were more even, was all.
Her name was tattooed across my eyelids. She was all I saw. All I thought about. She was the world and then some.
Sometimes, I still think about her.
Sometimes, she happens in my dreams.
And I try and forget about the horrible mistake I made and wonder what life would have been like if I hadn’t gotten drunk. If I hadn’t had that money and a cell phone number of an old friend from art school who was in town.
I think about our wedding, sometimes.
And then my heart starts aching again.
Sometimes, things just happen that way. Unsuspected.
In high school, it must have been right after our first kiss, when I remember thinking to myself: “How could I have gotten so lucky? Why would she choose me when she could have anyone?” And even though I never told her, she always sort of knew. She was so special and beautiful and I loved her more than anything. I wanted to marry her - God, I wanted to have her all to myself, but she was loved by too many people and sometimes I got depressed when I thought about other guys.
They always talked to her. They gave her lovely eyes and disregarded my presence. I was just the weird fat kid who didn’t deserve the most gorgeous girl in school.
And then I got tall and lost weight and, in my heart, I felt like I was repaying her and giving her what she had always deserved. When the band made it big and the paychecks amounted to more than just enough to get us through the week, she was finally getting the life she had always given me. If my love wasn’t enough, maybe I could pay her in material things.
She seemed to care for me just the same. I just felt we were more even, was all.
Her name was tattooed across my eyelids. She was all I saw. All I thought about. She was the world and then some.
Sometimes, I still think about her.
Sometimes, she happens in my dreams.
And I try and forget about the horrible mistake I made and wonder what life would have been like if I hadn’t gotten drunk. If I hadn’t had that money and a cell phone number of an old friend from art school who was in town.
I think about our wedding, sometimes.
And then my heart starts aching again.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thoughts? I know the chapters are all rather short but that's how the whole story is going to be because I'm trying to finish it before the end of the month! NaNoWriMo starts on the first and I'm participating again, so this has to be done or else it won't get updated until December.