If I Die Young

“Jackson, who’s Nicole?” I heard Jamie asked Jackson.

I was coming down after getting ready for the day. I stood on the second to last step, listening to Jamie talk to Jackson in the kitchen.

“Where did you hear that name?” Jackson returned. His voice was stern.

“Scott was talking about her in his sleep. Who is she?”

There was a pause.

“That’s something you need to ask Scott.”

“I did. He shut the door in my face. So tell me who is she and what meaning she has toward him.”

“I can’t. That’s for Scott to tell you. It’s his past.”

I heard her sigh. I leaned against the wall, trying to gather my thoughts. For years, I’ve been trying to get away from that name but it always seems to haunt me. I close my eyes, thinking back to those two years.

“Scott, how long have you been standing here?” Jackson asked, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“For a few minutes,” I answered.

“So you heard our conversation?”

I nodded. He stepped up to meet me.

“You need to talk to her,” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

He walked up the stairs, leaving me with my thoughts. I decided that Jackson was right. He usually was. I want to find Jamie. When she wasn’t in the kitchen, I knew she was out on the patio. I sat beside her, pulling out a cigarette.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so cold this morning,” I said.

“You have no reason to be sorry. I should be the one who’s sorry. I pushed you to talk about something you weren’t ready to,” Jamie said, looking out to our backyard.

“Don’t say you’re sorry. You had no idea what happened in my past so you didn’t know about Nicole.” I couldn’t help but wince when I said her name.

Jamie didn’t say anything. I took a drag before I started again.

“Nicole was my girlfriend. We were in love.”

“Scott, you don’t have to-”

“No, I want to. You need to know.” I paused to see if she would say anything else. “We dated in junior to senior year. We actually thought we were going to be together forever. We went to the same college. We were going to do anything to make sure we were going to be together. After a year of living together at college, I asked her to marry me.” I stopped, getting to the hard part.

“Scott, if it’s too hard for you, you can just forget it.”

“No, like I said, you need to know this. She said yes. We were so excited to get marry. She already was planning the wedding as soon as we told our parents.” I stopped to take a drag before flicking my cancer stick to the ground. “Nicole had the wedding date planned six months after we were engaged. The night before our wedding we were staying at the hotel our wedding was taking place. I went to go see her even though I knew it was bad luck to see her but I had to. She was going to be my wife in less than 24 hours. I walked into her hotel room to find her fucking my best friend.”

“Oh, Scott,” Jamie whispered.

“She told me that they have been seeing each other for the past year,” I continued. “I didn’t know what to say so I left. We didn’t cancel the wedding or anything. The next day, her friends went to wake her up but found that she was gone. She left me a note saying that she was sorry and that she wasn’t the one for me. She put the ring with the note. We later learned that my best friend left with her. I haven’t seen either of them.”

“Scott, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve that. No one does. Except for Nicole. She deserves it,” Jamie said, wrapped her arms around me waist.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s been years since that’s happened. I’m over it. Or at least I thought.” I pulled her close to me, needing to feel her warmth.

“It’s ok to still hurt about this when you hear her name. It just shows that you’re a human.”

“I know.”

“You want to hear a theory?”

“Sure.”

“No matter how far you run, you’re past well always catch up with you.”

“You’re right. We should probably go back in. I bet Jackson made lunch.”

I helped her up. I was bracing for Jackson’s questioning as we walked to the kitchen where everyone was eating pizza.

“So, Moose, I’m guessing you know about Nicole?” Jackson asked.

“You were eavesdropping, weren’t you?” Jamie asked with her hands on her hips.

“Maybe, but I was curious.”

“Nicole’s a bitch, don’t you thinks so, Moose?” Zack asked with a mouth full of pizza.

Jamie laughed. “Yes, she is. I guess she doesn’t know what she lost.”

Jamie put her arm around my waist. Pulling her close, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Jackson just looked at us with an eyebrow raised.