Sleep Tight, I'm Not Afraid

"Alright, we're gonna slow this shit down a bit," Matt says into the microphone in front of hundreds of kids. They all scream as he sits down on a stool while Brian grabs his acoustic.

I grab mine as well and look out at the crowd. With a smile I scan the kids and see their smiling faces as they jump up and down.


I see you fading away from us.
I'll miss you very much.
Room with empty bottles, broken dreams, and pride still running high, always on your side.
But I wanted more for you.
You can't go on this way.
And now I see it all fall through.
We pray for better days.
Stuck alone and scared.
Throw your life away and now choking on your pride may be the only way.
I don't want to see you like this.
We all tried to save you but missed.
I still feel the hope on your road.
Now come back to us like the days of the old."

Lindsey's limp body comes to mind as Matt sings the song I wrote.. Of course it's about her. I can't stop writing songs with her in mind. Last I heard from a friend back home she's getting shit faced every day and doing drugs every single night. I'm afraid of what the future may hold for her...

We've been out on the road for three months now without going home. I weigh about a buck fifty, I look green all the time, I'm partying, drinking heavily every night, and meeting a shit ton of girls. Anything to keep my mind off Lindsey....

We finish playing the song and everyone screams. "Thank you, Atlanta!" Matt shouts. "We'll be out by our merch booth signing. Come see us and buy our EP! Good night!" He walks off stage after Brian, Johnny, Jimmy, and I do.

I set my guitar down on the rack, grab a cold water and quickly finish it. "That was great," I tell them with a smile as I wipe the sweat from my face.

"It was." Brian nods and opens a beer.

"I'm gonna go out to the merch booth," Matt says. I walk over with him and find a line of fans with shirts they just bought and our new EP. Smiling, Matt and I walk behind the table and grab a sharpie.

After a few minutes a girl walks over to me with a smirk on her lips. "You guys were really good," she says.

"Thanks." I smirk, looking at how beautiful she is. She has long blond hair that's a bit messy. Her blue eyes stand out against her pale complexion, and her lips are covered in red. Looks familiar...

She leans over the table, letting me see down her shirt. With a little glance I look back up into her eyes. "What are you guys doing after you sign? There's a bar just around the corner." A smirk dances on her lips.

"Sounds good to me." The corner of my lips curl into a smirk.

"My name's Lisa," she says. "I'll be waiting outside."

And she was. I walk out of the building and find her leaning against a lamp post carrying that same smirk. "Ready to go?" I ask her as I zip up my hoodie.

"Of course." She smiles and walks away from the building and to the bar.

An hour later we're in the bathroom of the bar, taking our clothes off. She quickly pulls my jeans down and I lift up her shirt. Lisa kisses me deeply, running her tongue along the bottom of my lip as her hands tug at my boxers. We met almost an hour ago and here we are, having sex in a bathroom stall.

When we both finish she pulls her clothes back on and fixes her lipstick. "Rockstars really do fuck pretty well." She smirks and fixes her hair in the mirror.

I zip up my pants and watch as she coats her lips again with more red. I can't help but realize how much she looks like Lindsey. Thinking about it, almost every girl I have slept with on tour has had blond hair with blue eyes, sometimes with red lipstick or heavy eye liner. I need to lose the habit.

"I have to go," I lie and walk out.

"Wait!" Lisa runs over to me and grabs my hand. "Here's my number. Call me." She grabs a pen.

"I don't want your number." I pull my hand away. As harsh as it is, it's true. I will never call her. I'm just in it to feel alive again like I used to with Lindsey. I can't keep sleeping with girls who think they have a chance with me. They don't because I'm still hung up on a girl who doesn't give a fuck about me.

When I walk back to the van all of the guys are sitting by the van completely quiet. This isn't normal. "What's up, guys?" I ask confused.

Matt looks up at me and runs his hands down his face. He sighs sadly and fidgets with the phone in his hands. "Cam just called," he starts. "Lindsey overdosed..."