There's No Turning Back
Waiting for the Sun
Life without Cheyenne; the thought was uncomprehendable. The thought of not having the smug, smart mouth teenager around was almost too big for me to grasp. As a mother, I've never thought that I'd be the one to bury my own children - I'm not supposed to. My daughter shouldn't have to die before me- living for only about half as long as I did.
People say that things happen for a reason; was there a reason for this? Was this the fate that belonged to us? What was there to be learned out of this- except to cherish life? Nothing; it only brought sorry upon the most of us.
I heavily pushed myself up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed into a standing position. I slowly made my way around the end of the bed and out the bedroom door, listening to the water running in the bathroom. I decided to take the opportunity of Davids absence to make a little visit to Annie's room.
I stopped in front of the painted white wooden door that stood there, not tightly closed shit. Laying my hand on the door handle, I slowly and quietly pushed it open, stepping inside.
I took in the pale lavender walls of the room that was a part of the two-story house that David bought for us. The walls were filled with soft paintings and such; a few furniture were lined up against all four walls. A shelf filled with books was pushed into a small corner of the room, along with a small writing desk.
I walked over to the bed and stared down at the little sleeping figure in front of me. Annie was curled up into a ball, clutching on to her stuffed penguin as she slept soundly, with her blanket loosely tucked around her. I slowly sat down, careful not to make the mattress shift under my weight much so that she wouldn't stir.
My hand went up to her forehead and swiped away at the pieces of hair that covered her face - an instinct that I've picked up the moment Cheyenne was a tad younger than Annie. It had always bothered me when little kids' hair clung messily in their face and they don't have a clue on what to do about it.
I watched her as she slept, her sides raising and lowering in a constant pattern as she breathed. At least she's still here - I'm not all alone, right?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I tilted my head back, looking up. David looked down at us; his hair was wet and a towel hung around his neck. He took a hold of my arm and gently pulled me up, leading me out of the room. We stopped in the hall just outside the room and he turned to face me, placing a hand on the side of my face.
"Go shower and change; I'll take care of Annie and then we'll go." he spoke softly, "Don't dwell on this too much - it's been two years; everything's alright now."
"B --"
"Shh," he hushed me, "I'm here with you; we'll get through this together, like we did before." his tone signified the end of the discussion and he leaned his head down, placing his lips upon my head. I sighed and quickly embraced him around his middle before letting go and heading towards our bedroom.
I pulled out a few articles of clothing, a few products and necessities, and headed towards the bathroom. It was warm inside, a trace of steam still lingering around from when David was last in here.
After getting out, I picked up a strand of my hair that was still partially wet and frowned at it. It was a shade of dark brown but as I blow dried it, it became a lighter tone; I took a more careful glance in the mirror. My image looked a lot similar like Sebastian's, back to when we were still in school and I was yet allowed to mess with my hair.
I can't remember back to the time when I changed it back to this color; in fact, I don't remember a lot of things. I don't remember the specific details of our wedding, moving into this house, getting pregnant, and I bet other things happened that I was unaware of. I felt as though I've been asleep for ages- reality being far away from me. The only sense of reality I had was that dream; nothing else.
I was still in a daze as I got dressed, not even remembering the whole process. I wasn't sure if I was even dressed properly. I was surprised I was able to get through with applying makeup - with much struggle. I emerged from the bathroom, at least half an hour later and found David downstairs with Annie, feeding her a quick breakfast.
"Ready?" he questioned me and I nodded. He grabbed an apple off the counter and placed it in my hand, before picking up Annie and carrying her out to the car. He came back in just a moment later and placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me out of the house and into the car.
I stared out the window as David drove down the street and out into the busy city. We drove past buildings and trees, street lights and pedestrians. It was silent until David decided to make conversation; Annie was in the back seat playing with Petey Leanda.
"So, my mom's coming tomorrow." he said, taking my hand in his while the other one stayed on the steering wheel.
I nodded, "That's cool. I haven't seen her in a while." I saw him glance to the side at me uneasily.
"She came just a few days ago." he chuckled slightly at me and I shrugged.
"Seemed like forever ago to me."
He sighed at my lack of participation and pulled the car into a parking lot, putting it in park. "We're here." he said lightly and got out, going around to the back seat to unbuckle Annie from her seat. I got out and looked at my surroundings; a sea of healthy green grass greeted my eyes, with random flowers planted into the ground here and there. Rows of somewhat flat, square stones stood up from the grass, glimmering in the sun.
I took in a deep breath and looked around, waiting for Annie and David to come. He came up next to me and I took his hand, lacing our fingers as we began to walk into the sea of grass. He carried Annie on his hip as he led me down the isles, carefully searching for a specific name.
We walked up and down the rows, trying to stay in the small walkways without stepping on any graves - just some respect for the dead. "Over there." Annie pointed towards a direction, about two rows away from us near the far left. We hurried over there.
I had been wishing the whole way here that he was only lying to me- that Cheyenne was at some relatives' house without my knowledge of sort. I was wishing that this was a dream; all the wishing and dreaming was a waste. I was brought down with disappointment as I gazed down beneath me.
David wasn't lying to me after all; it was all true - this is reality. Sitting right there, was her resting place, her tombstone.
Cheyenne Lefebvre
September 16, 1993 - March 13, 2007
Beloved Daughter and Sister
My heart sunk low, and I tried to mentally tell myself to relax; it was all in the past. Besides, I told- promised -David that I'd relax after I had proof, for the sake of our new baby. It was all in the past; I have to let it go.
Things happen, everyone loses someone close to them once in their lifetime; it was two years ago, and she's in a better place now. I just have to forget and move on, be happy, be stress free, focus on the present instead of the past...
People say that things happen for a reason; was there a reason for this? Was this the fate that belonged to us? What was there to be learned out of this- except to cherish life? Nothing; it only brought sorry upon the most of us.
I heavily pushed myself up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed into a standing position. I slowly made my way around the end of the bed and out the bedroom door, listening to the water running in the bathroom. I decided to take the opportunity of Davids absence to make a little visit to Annie's room.
I stopped in front of the painted white wooden door that stood there, not tightly closed shit. Laying my hand on the door handle, I slowly and quietly pushed it open, stepping inside.
I took in the pale lavender walls of the room that was a part of the two-story house that David bought for us. The walls were filled with soft paintings and such; a few furniture were lined up against all four walls. A shelf filled with books was pushed into a small corner of the room, along with a small writing desk.
I walked over to the bed and stared down at the little sleeping figure in front of me. Annie was curled up into a ball, clutching on to her stuffed penguin as she slept soundly, with her blanket loosely tucked around her. I slowly sat down, careful not to make the mattress shift under my weight much so that she wouldn't stir.
My hand went up to her forehead and swiped away at the pieces of hair that covered her face - an instinct that I've picked up the moment Cheyenne was a tad younger than Annie. It had always bothered me when little kids' hair clung messily in their face and they don't have a clue on what to do about it.
I watched her as she slept, her sides raising and lowering in a constant pattern as she breathed. At least she's still here - I'm not all alone, right?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I tilted my head back, looking up. David looked down at us; his hair was wet and a towel hung around his neck. He took a hold of my arm and gently pulled me up, leading me out of the room. We stopped in the hall just outside the room and he turned to face me, placing a hand on the side of my face.
"Go shower and change; I'll take care of Annie and then we'll go." he spoke softly, "Don't dwell on this too much - it's been two years; everything's alright now."
"B --"
"Shh," he hushed me, "I'm here with you; we'll get through this together, like we did before." his tone signified the end of the discussion and he leaned his head down, placing his lips upon my head. I sighed and quickly embraced him around his middle before letting go and heading towards our bedroom.
I pulled out a few articles of clothing, a few products and necessities, and headed towards the bathroom. It was warm inside, a trace of steam still lingering around from when David was last in here.
After getting out, I picked up a strand of my hair that was still partially wet and frowned at it. It was a shade of dark brown but as I blow dried it, it became a lighter tone; I took a more careful glance in the mirror. My image looked a lot similar like Sebastian's, back to when we were still in school and I was yet allowed to mess with my hair.
I can't remember back to the time when I changed it back to this color; in fact, I don't remember a lot of things. I don't remember the specific details of our wedding, moving into this house, getting pregnant, and I bet other things happened that I was unaware of. I felt as though I've been asleep for ages- reality being far away from me. The only sense of reality I had was that dream; nothing else.
I was still in a daze as I got dressed, not even remembering the whole process. I wasn't sure if I was even dressed properly. I was surprised I was able to get through with applying makeup - with much struggle. I emerged from the bathroom, at least half an hour later and found David downstairs with Annie, feeding her a quick breakfast.
"Ready?" he questioned me and I nodded. He grabbed an apple off the counter and placed it in my hand, before picking up Annie and carrying her out to the car. He came back in just a moment later and placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me out of the house and into the car.
I stared out the window as David drove down the street and out into the busy city. We drove past buildings and trees, street lights and pedestrians. It was silent until David decided to make conversation; Annie was in the back seat playing with Petey Leanda.
"So, my mom's coming tomorrow." he said, taking my hand in his while the other one stayed on the steering wheel.
I nodded, "That's cool. I haven't seen her in a while." I saw him glance to the side at me uneasily.
"She came just a few days ago." he chuckled slightly at me and I shrugged.
"Seemed like forever ago to me."
He sighed at my lack of participation and pulled the car into a parking lot, putting it in park. "We're here." he said lightly and got out, going around to the back seat to unbuckle Annie from her seat. I got out and looked at my surroundings; a sea of healthy green grass greeted my eyes, with random flowers planted into the ground here and there. Rows of somewhat flat, square stones stood up from the grass, glimmering in the sun.
I took in a deep breath and looked around, waiting for Annie and David to come. He came up next to me and I took his hand, lacing our fingers as we began to walk into the sea of grass. He carried Annie on his hip as he led me down the isles, carefully searching for a specific name.
We walked up and down the rows, trying to stay in the small walkways without stepping on any graves - just some respect for the dead. "Over there." Annie pointed towards a direction, about two rows away from us near the far left. We hurried over there.
I had been wishing the whole way here that he was only lying to me- that Cheyenne was at some relatives' house without my knowledge of sort. I was wishing that this was a dream; all the wishing and dreaming was a waste. I was brought down with disappointment as I gazed down beneath me.
David wasn't lying to me after all; it was all true - this is reality. Sitting right there, was her resting place, her tombstone.
Cheyenne Lefebvre
September 16, 1993 - March 13, 2007
Beloved Daughter and Sister
My heart sunk low, and I tried to mentally tell myself to relax; it was all in the past. Besides, I told- promised -David that I'd relax after I had proof, for the sake of our new baby. It was all in the past; I have to let it go.
Things happen, everyone loses someone close to them once in their lifetime; it was two years ago, and she's in a better place now. I just have to forget and move on, be happy, be stress free, focus on the present instead of the past...
♠ ♠ ♠
Only three more parts left.