Singing in the Shadows

I woke up a few hours later, and Zacky was still asleep. So, I quietly slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom.

As I stripped down for my shower, I tried avoiding looking in the mirror. This was the usual routine. I hated looking in the mirror, it mortified me to look at my naked body.

But, on accident, I did happen to glance. I stared at all the imperfections, and some baby fat that still hadn't gone away. I sighed, shaking my head.

Maybe it was time for Aidan to go on formula so I could start to diet again...

When I got out of the shower, I tried to make myself look presentable, but knew it was no use. I ended up just throwing on a pair of sweats and a random shirt. I couldn't fit back into my old clothes yet, so there was no use trying.

Before I let it slip my mind, I wrote down baby formula on the grocery list, before walking down stairs. I found Brian and Jimmy on the floor with Aidan on his blanket, but didn't see the other two in sight.

"Where are the other two?" I asked Brian as I bent down to pick up Aidan.

"Kitchen or out back," he said, sitting up.

"Why? Or do I even want to know?"

Jimmy laughed. "Relax, they're just making dinner."

My eyes widened. "I'll relax when I see that my kitchen hasn't burnt down," I mumbled, walking off to see what damage had been done.

When I reached the kitchen, I thankfully noticed that nothing had been destroyed or exploded. "Have a nice nap?" Matt asked, smiling.

I smiled back. "Yes, I did. But I did miss this little guy." I looked down at my son in my arms and saw him yawn.

"Jimmy and Brian must have worn him out," Matt laughed, seeing it too. "Zacky still asleep?"

"Not anymore." I turned to see Zacky walking into the kitchen, his eyes still half closed.

"The boys wake you up?" I asked, smiling softly.

He nodded. "It's alright, I needed to get up anyways." He kissed the top of my head, before walking to see what Matt was doing.

"I think I'm going to put Aidan on formula," I said, randomly, still looking at him as he slept.

Both Zacky and Matt got quiet, before they looked over at me. "I thought you didn't want to put him on formula," Zacky said, confused.

I shrugged. "Well you try breast feeding."

He helled his hands up. "Hey, I was just saying. If that's what you want, that's fine."

I didn't want to deprive Aidan of his nutrients, but I didn't want to be fat anymore... This was for the best...

Well, I thought that had been a good idea at the time. I've had Aidan on formula for the last couple weeks, and have been doing whatever I can to get this damn weight off again.

I've been cutting back on food and working out. When Zacky noticed this, he became worried. I told him I was fine, but he still didn't like it. This had ended with us getting into a huge fight. The first one we've had since having Aidan...

We still weren't really on talking terms, and it was starting to take it's tole. With having little sleep, Zacky working on the new album and me on edge with my weight phobia, there was a lot of tension in the house. The guys didn't notice anything, because they aren't around much lately. Zacky always goes over to one of their houses, and takes Aidan with him, so there really isn't a reason for them to come over.

I was currently in the music room, writing a song. I've been writing a lot since I moved in with Zacky. He knows that when I disappear randomly, that I'm just going off to write.

Right now, I was trying to sum everything up into one song. There were a lot of meanings behind this one, and I hope that Zack understands them...

"We're home," Zack stated simply, before walking back out of the room.

I sighed softly, and got up to follow him. "How are the guys?" I asked as I picked Aidan up out of his career and rocked him.

"Good."

My heart was starting to break at how distant we were becoming. I couldn't take this anymore...

"Zacky, can you please come with me?" I asked softly, walking back to the music room.

I lay Aidan down on the couch, putting a pillow on the edge of the couch so he wouldn't roll off, and covered him up with his blanket. Zacky sat close to him, keeping his eyes on the floor. I went to go pick up my acoustic, before sitting on the other side of the room from Zacky.

As I started with the first few chords, I could already feel weight being lifted off my chest.

Sometimes I think about the way it was,
When we fell in love.
Things were different then
Innocent and wide open,
Free and beautiful
I want to feel like that again
But somewhere along the journey
I lost a part of me
And I know you can help me get it back
Yeah help me get it back

Baby lay me down on our bed
Touch my body like only you can
Kiss me softly,
Take away my breath
Slow it down and make it real
Cause tonight I want to feel
Like a woman.

You're the one who really gets me
Honey let me,
Feel the fire in your hands

I know you can keep me burning
Feel the yearning
Cause you're still my only man
Give me all that I can handle
Light a candle
Only you can bring me back to life
Oh I need you tonight

Baby lay me down on our bed
Touch my body like only you can
Kiss me softly,
Take away my breath
Slow it down and make it real
Cause tonight I want to feel
Like a woman.
Like a woman touched for the first time
Like a flower that blooms in the sunshine
I need to feel your love inside of me

Baby lay me down on our bed
Touch my body like only you can
Kiss me softly,
Take away my breath
Slow it down and make it real
Cause tonight I want to feel
Like a woman.
Yeah
Like a woman
Like a woman

The whole time, I kept my eyes glued to Zacky. A few lines in, he had looked up and connected his eyes with mine. After I finished, I set my acoustic back in it's place. Before I could even turn back around, I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, too." I leaned into his touch as he caressed my cheek.

There was so much more that needed to be said and worked out, but we didn't bother with it right now. We both wanted to just be in each other's presence and hold each other.

"You know, it's been six weeks," he said, smiling cheekily.

I rolled my eyes, pulling away from him. "You better hope your son sleeps long enough, or we're going to have a problem." He did this weird, little random dance, before turning for the door. "Get up there while I put Aidan in his crib," I said, slapping his ass.

He jumped and looked at me, shocked. "Frisky. I like."

I shook my head as I laughed. This man...

Hopefully things would go more smoothly from here... For some reason, I knew I was just lying to myself. I can always dream, though...