Their Violence, Your Silence.

I entered school with leaden feet, my thoughts a turmoil. They had been like that since I’d seen Winter at the garage when I picked up one of the cars. No they’d been like that since I’d heard her sing that song on Friday evening.

I’d been thinking about everything I’d ever said and done to her. Those words, those silly little words still echoing through my head. “It can’t be undone.”

What if it really couldn’t be undone? I’d only known her for a few weeks, since the start of the school year. But somehow it seemed like my whole live was evolving around her now. Every waking hour my thoughts were of her.

Of her and of what people would think of me if they knew how important she was to me. Of her golden hair and the fierce look in her eyes the moment she saw me. Did that look mean she hated me?

I couldn’t really imagine Winter hating anyone though.

My eyes were already scanning the crowd of students, looking for that unruly head of hair and the backpack that seemed to be carrying a girl instead of the other way around.

Faintly I registered Marley’s high pitched voice talking to me as she clung to my left arm.

Red manicured nails digging into my skin almost painfully. She kept them that way because I might have once said that I liked red. I did, just not her kind of red.

I liked Winter’s golden red hair.

I remembered the day she first came to school clearly.

I slung my backpack over my shoulders as I got out of my car, a smile on my face as I looked at the milling crowd of students before me.

I was king in this place I thought, as I scanned the place for my group of friends. I could tell by the stares the nearest girls were giving me and just for their benefit I nodded in their direction.

When I spotted Marley’s bleach blond head of hair I made my way in her direction. We were ‘sort of’ dating as she called it, it meant we were free to date anyone as long as everyone in school thought we were together. I really didn’t care.

I didn’t think Marley cared about me at all, just about my money and looks.

When I reached her I could see she was surrounded by her posse, and a few of my own friends, all from the swim team. Damien and Zack and Michael, I nodded at them in greeting as I slung my arm across Marley’s shoulder.

‘Hey babe,’ I said as she smiled up at me with her piercing blue eyes and puckered lips. I sighed as I bent down to kiss her. Staring past her blond hair to notice the new girl, standing forlornly at the edge of our group. Looking up at the big sign proclaiming our schools name above the entrance.

Golden red flowed down her back in wild rivulets that seemed unruly and untamed and yet incredibly feminine. Thick glasses where pressed on a small delicate nose and her brown eyes seemed the size of tea saucers.

I pulled back from Marley to get a better look at the girl and smiled involuntarily. The backpack thegirl was wearing was almost as large as she was and she was hunched over a little to carry the weight. It looked funny on her tiny frame.

A warm unfamiliar feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as I studied the freckles that dotted her nose and rosy cheeks. I’d have walked right over to her to ask her name and get to know her if Marley’s high pitched voice handed pulled me back from my reverie.

‘What the hell is that?’ she screeched as she pointed a manicured hand in the new girls direction. ‘Who released the nerd?’

Wait nerd? The girls a nerd? I took a closer look again and realized Marley was right. The baggy old clothes that had definitely seen better days all seemed to belong to a guy instead of a girl and the backpack was bigger than necessary. The huge glasses finished the nerdy pictured nicely.

I’d been ogling a nerd? What the hell is wrong with me? I was the King of the school, dating it’s queen and I thought that nerd looked pretty?

It had been that moment that I decided I hated her. Oh how I regret that decision. How could I have been such a fool and listen to Marley’s opinion!

‘Baby? Are you even listening to me?’ the girl in question screeched in my ear. Her nails digging in deeper.

‘Have I told you how beautiful you are today yet?’ I said in an attempt to divert her attention from my lack of paying attention. It worked because she beamed up at me, ‘No honey you haven’t, I’m listening.’

Finally I spotted Winter with her large backpack entering the school cafeteria. She took a seat at an empty table to the side and pulled out an apple to eat. A book in front of her she was deeply engrossed in.

‘Excuse me,’ I mumbled while standing up. I started making my way over to her table, ignoring Marley’s loud protest and the surprised looks on my friends as I left them behind.

Winter hadn’t noticed me yet, as was usual, since she was always with her nose pressed inside some book. I was nearly at her table and I could see how her face was scrunched up in concentration. It was adorable.

‘Caleb! Wait up man,’ a voice spoke from beside me at the same time a hand firmly grabbed my shoulder.

I turned around, ‘What is it Shane?’ It came out harsher than was necessary and Shane flinched a little under my stare. He then straightened his shoulders and raised his chin a little.

‘I was wondering if you’d…eh… come over this afternoon? Play some video games or something?’ he said, his hand on my shoulder steering me away from Winter’s table back towards ours.

It was obvious the way his eyes kept darting back from me to Winter that he was preventing me from going over to her. Suddenly I wondered. Wasn’t he usually trying to distract me somehow from going to her?

Did he like her? Suddenly I felt mad. Did Shane like Winter? Didn’t he have a girlfriend already? Well I did too but that was different we we’re only so in name… I’d always had the feeling that with Shane and Cassandra it was genuine.

Suppose it wasn’t a bad thing Shane had stopped me all those times. I flinched involuntarily at the thought of how much I could have inflicted on her if he hadn’t.

I took one long look at Winter as I sat back down at our table. She had noticed the exchange and was looking in my direction as well. Her face flushed beautifully as our eyes met and I caught myself smiling again.

‘Sure Shane, I’ll come over,’ I said, still looking at Winter.

‘Huh what?’ came is confused reply before he continued: ‘Wait of course yeah, right after school?’ ‘But I thought we were… oh no that’s tomorrow right,’ I heard Cassandra say to Shane. It confirmed what I’d been thinking.

Shane only tried diverting my attention. He’d not really wanted to invite me over instead he’d had plan’s with his girlfriend but she was obviously in on the diverting part…

Great, just great. How was I going to make it up to Winter if those two were trying to keep me away from her?